Have you heard of author Malcom Gladwell!? I have read some of his books in the past and thought they were great. He has a new one called “Talking to Strangers.” I’ve only read a little so far, but it seems to be largely about misunderstandings between people.
This point was driven home in a HUGE way recently for me.
I have bad eyesight in one eye. I don’t tell many people. This is a silly hang up on my part.
I’ve had to go to a series of appointments in an area of town that requires going on an expressway no one likes due to construction and bad traffic. I never use this expressway due to my vision issue.
I go perhaps once a month to this place. Let’s say it’s for dental work. My husband always drives. There is a famous Italian restaurant near by and if it’s lunch time, we often try to go there for lunch.
One day I noticed two of the employees there whispering. Finally, one asks “Why does your husband always come with you?”
Hmmm
I told her because he wants to take a break from his work day and hit up the nearby Italian restaurant too...we would never go normally. This answer was largely true. But definitely not the entire story.
I had a few crazy guesses as to why they asked.
I found out later...there may have been concern that my husband was abusive and didn’t let me go places by myself. Omgomgomg
Nothing could be further from the truth. He is the nicest guy EVER!
Bottom line....wow...what a lesson.A lesson about guessing what people are thinking.
I suspected something was bothering them and I was right about that. BUT my guesses were completely wrong as to why. And their guess (s) regarding why my husband was there were also totally WRONG!!!!
The complete story was not known and that was a large part of the problem.
Everyone was guessing and it was all incorrect.
I know some in my family can be secretive. It is largely if not compleletly their prerogative. But, it can lead to confusion.
Lesson 1 for me...One doesn’t always have to be secretive. It depends on the situation. It’s a choice. Sometimes it might be a good idea to be candid to avoid confusion. This, in my mind is still a choice but maybe requires a little thought.
Lesson 2 (the main one)...Avoid (big time) guessing when you see something a little unusual. If it’s extremely important or hurting you in some way, you can ask.
If it’s not urgent/hurting you, perhaps best to let it go and big time avoid guessing what is going on. You very well might not have a true understanding of the full story.
This point was driven home in a HUGE way recently for me.
I have bad eyesight in one eye. I don’t tell many people. This is a silly hang up on my part.
I’ve had to go to a series of appointments in an area of town that requires going on an expressway no one likes due to construction and bad traffic. I never use this expressway due to my vision issue.
I go perhaps once a month to this place. Let’s say it’s for dental work. My husband always drives. There is a famous Italian restaurant near by and if it’s lunch time, we often try to go there for lunch.
One day I noticed two of the employees there whispering. Finally, one asks “Why does your husband always come with you?”
Hmmm
I told her because he wants to take a break from his work day and hit up the nearby Italian restaurant too...we would never go normally. This answer was largely true. But definitely not the entire story.
I had a few crazy guesses as to why they asked.
I found out later...there may have been concern that my husband was abusive and didn’t let me go places by myself. Omgomgomg
Nothing could be further from the truth. He is the nicest guy EVER!
Bottom line....wow...what a lesson.A lesson about guessing what people are thinking.
I suspected something was bothering them and I was right about that. BUT my guesses were completely wrong as to why. And their guess (s) regarding why my husband was there were also totally WRONG!!!!
The complete story was not known and that was a large part of the problem.
Everyone was guessing and it was all incorrect.
I know some in my family can be secretive. It is largely if not compleletly their prerogative. But, it can lead to confusion.
Lesson 1 for me...One doesn’t always have to be secretive. It depends on the situation. It’s a choice. Sometimes it might be a good idea to be candid to avoid confusion. This, in my mind is still a choice but maybe requires a little thought.
Lesson 2 (the main one)...Avoid (big time) guessing when you see something a little unusual. If it’s extremely important or hurting you in some way, you can ask.
If it’s not urgent/hurting you, perhaps best to let it go and big time avoid guessing what is going on. You very well might not have a true understanding of the full story.
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