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Mixed Emotions about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626635" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sounds pretty easy to me. She gets no money from you. Then she will have to get a job. It isn't reasonable for her to expect you to support her at her age when she can work at McDs. Even college grads are working at McDs these days. If it were me, the money would have never come back. All of my kids pretty much worked for their toys and extras by age sixteen, except for my autistic son and he started at eighteen. All have good work ethics, even 36. Who paid for the Mothers Day gift she bought you? You or her father? See what I mean. She picked out a present and you and her father paid for it because she has no way to pay for anything herself. It's like picking out a gift with a ten year old.</p><p></p><p>Now this is your decision to make. If you'd rather not rock the boat and let her sleep and be irresponsible in exchange for her not getting verbally combative, that is your decision. Some parents make that choice. However, in my own opinion only, it does nothing for the adult child's future motivation and living skills. You may start something that she thinks will go on forever. So many difficult children get possessed on us if we cut of the money tree, even when they are 25 or older. If t hey are not in full time college, why can't they work? Lazy? Lazy will make a sad life. Dependent on you? Still a child in his/her own eyes? Also not good. They are no longer legal children and shouldn't strive to be children.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, again and only my own, a good relationship means that you respect one another's boundaries and do not have to walk on eggshells to maintain that good relationship. That includes the reasonable expectation that a young woman her age, who is not in school, not sleep all day and ask for money from you, but get her own job in a loving attempt by you two to help her grow up (it is taking her longer than other kids, which is typical for difficult child. They need the push).</p><p></p><p>I also believe, and I could be wrong, that our grown kids definitely respect us more if we do set reasonable boundaries. It is not like you are asking her to support you and your husband. You are asking her to get a minimum wage job and pay for her own things. You are asking her to get out of bed in the morning. You are asking her to act her age. That is not unreasonable to me.</p><p></p><p>I've had my problems with some of my kids, but all of them have very strong work ethcs and have worked since part-time in high school. Working was mandatory to live in our house and since it was understood when they were young, that was never a problem. They also started paying some of their bills at sixteen. It has been one thing that has worked out very well.</p><p></p><p>It isn't that hard to get a job as a cashier or fast food, etc. in a large metro area. If she is trying to get an executive job, it will NEVER happen. Getting a job to pay for her own cell phone, car insurance, and other stuff for herself isn't that difficult.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626635, member: 1550"] Sounds pretty easy to me. She gets no money from you. Then she will have to get a job. It isn't reasonable for her to expect you to support her at her age when she can work at McDs. Even college grads are working at McDs these days. If it were me, the money would have never come back. All of my kids pretty much worked for their toys and extras by age sixteen, except for my autistic son and he started at eighteen. All have good work ethics, even 36. Who paid for the Mothers Day gift she bought you? You or her father? See what I mean. She picked out a present and you and her father paid for it because she has no way to pay for anything herself. It's like picking out a gift with a ten year old. Now this is your decision to make. If you'd rather not rock the boat and let her sleep and be irresponsible in exchange for her not getting verbally combative, that is your decision. Some parents make that choice. However, in my own opinion only, it does nothing for the adult child's future motivation and living skills. You may start something that she thinks will go on forever. So many difficult children get possessed on us if we cut of the money tree, even when they are 25 or older. If t hey are not in full time college, why can't they work? Lazy? Lazy will make a sad life. Dependent on you? Still a child in his/her own eyes? Also not good. They are no longer legal children and shouldn't strive to be children. In my opinion, again and only my own, a good relationship means that you respect one another's boundaries and do not have to walk on eggshells to maintain that good relationship. That includes the reasonable expectation that a young woman her age, who is not in school, not sleep all day and ask for money from you, but get her own job in a loving attempt by you two to help her grow up (it is taking her longer than other kids, which is typical for difficult child. They need the push). I also believe, and I could be wrong, that our grown kids definitely respect us more if we do set reasonable boundaries. It is not like you are asking her to support you and your husband. You are asking her to get a minimum wage job and pay for her own things. You are asking her to get out of bed in the morning. You are asking her to act her age. That is not unreasonable to me. I've had my problems with some of my kids, but all of them have very strong work ethcs and have worked since part-time in high school. Working was mandatory to live in our house and since it was understood when they were young, that was never a problem. They also started paying some of their bills at sixteen. It has been one thing that has worked out very well. It isn't that hard to get a job as a cashier or fast food, etc. in a large metro area. If she is trying to get an executive job, it will NEVER happen. Getting a job to pay for her own cell phone, car insurance, and other stuff for herself isn't that difficult. [/QUOTE]
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