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Mixed Emotions about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626651" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think you may be having a good relationship with your difficult child because she is getting her way. I wonder how she'd behave if you cut off the money supply until she got a job as a motivation for her to actually try hard and get one. And I wonder how your relationship would be if she had to pay her own bills after she got herself a job.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, the bar is set so low with difficult children. We quickly forget how nasty they can get if we don't give them money and allow them to act like young kids, laying around the house, going out until all hours of the night with OUR vehicles, setting limits that they don't agree with.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't be giving an eighteen year old an allowance, especially when she won't buy her sister breakfast with it. She putting any gas in that car she drives? Is she being nice because she wants to be nice or because she is getting her way? The only reason I'm asking is because I remember days and weeks when I was too tired to fight with difficult child son so I just let him do whatever he wanted. Granted, he was never pleasant, but he didn't fight with me as long as he got his way, which included being able to lock himself in his room and do what-the-hello in there when he was home and lock it with his own key while he was at work or with his one friend. If we tried to check on his room, well, he had fits that included extreme abuse, even violence. I knew darn well nothing good was going on in there, but I didn't always want to have to deal with him so I'd let it go and say to myself "Things are better." But they weren't. As soon as he didn't get his way, everything imploded again and he ended up leaving in the end. Which was a blessing.</p><p></p><p>Just don't fool yourself. It could be that your daughter is in a better mindset. And it could be that she is going to be ok with you guys as long as the money keeps coming, she can sleep late, she can party while doing nothing during the day, you really don't ask what she is doing or try to find out or you don't FORCE her to get a job. After all, just knowing many difficult children and how they can be, she could say she filled out six job applications and not fill out any. For the most part you fill them out online now, even McDonalds. If you really want to know if she is complying with your wishes, tell her you want to see her job applications just before she sends them on the computer.</p><p></p><p>You can't just walk into, say, Burger King and fill out an appy anymore. You have to do it online. I recently was looking for a job myself and I had to fill every single job out online, including McD and Burger King and Walmart (took me almost an hour!) and other menial jobs. There were no paper applications. So your daughter should be able to prove to you just how hard she is looking. She should have a paper trail.</p><p></p><p>That will tell you a lot more about how s he is really maturing. Unfortunately, a difficult child's word is not good. You need proof.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you lots of luck. Hoping she really does get a job and ups her motivation and is not getting into trouble while not at home!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626651, member: 1550"] I think you may be having a good relationship with your difficult child because she is getting her way. I wonder how she'd behave if you cut off the money supply until she got a job as a motivation for her to actually try hard and get one. And I wonder how your relationship would be if she had to pay her own bills after she got herself a job. Unfortunately, the bar is set so low with difficult children. We quickly forget how nasty they can get if we don't give them money and allow them to act like young kids, laying around the house, going out until all hours of the night with OUR vehicles, setting limits that they don't agree with. I wouldn't be giving an eighteen year old an allowance, especially when she won't buy her sister breakfast with it. She putting any gas in that car she drives? Is she being nice because she wants to be nice or because she is getting her way? The only reason I'm asking is because I remember days and weeks when I was too tired to fight with difficult child son so I just let him do whatever he wanted. Granted, he was never pleasant, but he didn't fight with me as long as he got his way, which included being able to lock himself in his room and do what-the-hello in there when he was home and lock it with his own key while he was at work or with his one friend. If we tried to check on his room, well, he had fits that included extreme abuse, even violence. I knew darn well nothing good was going on in there, but I didn't always want to have to deal with him so I'd let it go and say to myself "Things are better." But they weren't. As soon as he didn't get his way, everything imploded again and he ended up leaving in the end. Which was a blessing. Just don't fool yourself. It could be that your daughter is in a better mindset. And it could be that she is going to be ok with you guys as long as the money keeps coming, she can sleep late, she can party while doing nothing during the day, you really don't ask what she is doing or try to find out or you don't FORCE her to get a job. After all, just knowing many difficult children and how they can be, she could say she filled out six job applications and not fill out any. For the most part you fill them out online now, even McDonalds. If you really want to know if she is complying with your wishes, tell her you want to see her job applications just before she sends them on the computer. You can't just walk into, say, Burger King and fill out an appy anymore. You have to do it online. I recently was looking for a job myself and I had to fill every single job out online, including McD and Burger King and Walmart (took me almost an hour!) and other menial jobs. There were no paper applications. So your daughter should be able to prove to you just how hard she is looking. She should have a paper trail. That will tell you a lot more about how s he is really maturing. Unfortunately, a difficult child's word is not good. You need proof. Wishing you lots of luck. Hoping she really does get a job and ups her motivation and is not getting into trouble while not at home!!! [/QUOTE]
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