Mixed feelings...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Sep 17, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Most of you probably remember that about a year ago I got an invite from either my mom or my sister to a family reunion for my mom's side of the family. It was to be this August 23. They aren't really people I know, as my mom didn't talk to most of them for about 35 years. Having not been invited to anyone's house for 9 years, it felt insulting.

    Around that time just before and after, I had been in contact with my mom. I had from time to time tried to reach out to them but it was never reciprocated. L made my life miserable about it. I won't go into the why we had a tiff. Most of you know, and it doesn't really matter.

    Then at Thanksgiving, I pointed out to L that the invite to the family reunion didn't mean much when I wasn't welcome at the holiday table. She called and asked if she could bring me to dinner at my sister S's house. Mom said no, but maybe sometime we could meet for lunch. We've done lunch already a few times. That hurt. Then after Thanksgiving, mu sister W called L to get the dirt on how I reacted, blah blah blah. Actually, I didn't react a lot to L, only to reinforce that I wasn't really a welcome member of the family. W told L some lies, (doesn't matter what) to justify my not being invited. This was closer to Christmas. Star will remember my drop kicking the Wise Men.

    The date of the "family reunion" came and went this August. I heard nothing. Until that night. I got an e-mail from a family friend saying that they had been to my parent's 80th birthdays party that day and how pretty L was. I wasn't invited. It wasn't a family reunion, it wasn't at the same place the family reunion had been set for. The family reunion fell apart, and it became a large birthday party for both of my parents, whose birthdays fall within two weeks of the date. L still hasn't said anything.

    I went to a delicatessen that my dad worked at when I was a girl. It's still owned by the same family. The granddaughter (my age) says "Tell your dad that Edwin died." I told her I would. I sent my dad a card today that said:

    Gretchen E told me to tell you that Edwin died last week. The funeral was Saturday.


    It took a lot to not say "And thanks for excluding me from your birthday celebration." But I didn't. All and all I'm glad I didn't write it. Deep down part of me wishes I had, but I know it would be a wasted effort.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I think you did good. You did what was asked of you by someone not involved and didn't turn it into something it didn't need to be. Honestly, just going by what you've posted tonight and in the past, it would have been somehow used against you. Granted, it still could but YOU know you took the high road.

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I won't be surprised if it comes back to me as "refused". If it does, too bad. I'll give it to L, tell her what is in it, and ask her to pass the message along.
  4. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Awww, Witz, that REALLY stinks. I'm glad you sent the letter as is. I wish I had advice, but I really don't. Sometimes families are a pain in the arse.:mad:

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Witz, I don't know all the history but I have read enough since being on this forum to know that your family has caused you a lot of heartache and grief and it appears they are toxic. If you have to detach from anyone, detach from them- in a way that let's you quit hurting over it. I know it's hard- I'm still going through it too- but people like that ususally don;t change, sorry to say.

    Hang in there! Try to focus on the people that bring you joy, not pain or reminders of pain.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    How upsetting. I am sorry for any hurt that this is causing you.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for all the pain this is causing. I think you did right by passing on the info, as requested, without adding anything. You don't need to give anyone an opening for additional drama. Many hugs.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. I know it was the right thing to do, and it feels good to have kept myself in control of my emotions. Hopefully, it gets easier as time goes on. It's really difficult that everything with them is so complicated. Of course, there are six of them, plus all of their kids, and there's only one of me. So I guess complicated is what I should expect.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Witz, I'm so sorry. Sometimes family can be cruel and heartless, stubborn and mean. I'm glad you were able to take the high road. I know it can be tough to bite your tongue. But like you said, not like they'd have really heard you anyway. Still sad though. And I'm sorry for the pain they've caused you. They just don't know what they're missing.

  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witz, just hugs. I know you have mixed emotions and it hurts more sometimes. It is good to get it out and move on.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ohh, my poor pal Witz! No wonder we get along so well! There are six of us too, and I'm going through the exact same thing. As much as you want to show a stoic front, this BS really touches you. And then you drive yourself crazy because you're mad at yourself that it's still bugging you.

    You guys knew a month before I told lil sis and my Dad that I was pregnant. They were only told on the condition of not telling my sibs. My dad asked for permission to tell my one sister L (we were best friends before everything hit the fan). Three of them are still in the dark.

    Lil sis is throwing a b-day party this Sunday for her soon to be 10 year old. The ten year old, being a 10 year old MALE, invited the meanest, cruelest, creepiest one of all because she gives expensive gifts. I don't think I've dreaded a party so much in all of my life. But I WON'T abandon lil sis. They're only going to show up because they (a) want to dig up dirt and (b) to kiss up to my Dad.

    I'm here in solidarity my friend!

  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Witz, you did a great job on the note.
    Do not lower yourself to their level.
    It's hard. It hurts. But hold your ground and take the high ground.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    YES LORD I remember you kicking the manger....er......donkey OH NO:surprise: I mean wise men. (still use that on bad days to pull up with) -tyvm.

    I would have told Gretchen - here's my dad's address send it yourself. I think you did too much. Really -

    If I thought there was a hint of a chance your family would figure out what I have - I'd say - JUST GO THERE and confront them once and for all - but the wise man (not the one you kicked) knows your silence speaks volumes. And it's obvious - that even when you say NOTHING - your family "INVENTS" krap to say - so why bother.

    (bubble wrap it) and then .................

    TWIST.....lol ;)
  15. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    grrrr hissss....

    my thoughts on why blood is NOT thicker then water:
    Water is refreshing to drink, blood is not
    water is used to clean many things, blood is not
    water does not stain, blood does
    how may things are made of water, including blood?
    When's the last time someone threw a blood balloon at you at a picnic?

    My point? I am not sure! But we all love you here!!!!
  16. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm sorry for the pain they have caused you - and continue to cause you.

    I'm glad you didn't add that last sentence. It would have just given them more ammunition.

  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You know, I really thought about not sending it. There is one person from my childhood who knows what is going on. That's the lady who told me that she saw L at the birthday party. She said "OMG, Witzy! Both your sisters have been married three times? Why are they the favorites?" ;)

    But there were two reasons that I sent it. Firstly, because I like Gretchen, and the sausages they make and sell are rated in the top ten in the nation. You can't make a decent Gumbo without them, and there's nothing like one grilled on a bun. Second, it's not something they would do for me because they aren't nice people, but I am.
  18. ML

    ML Guest

    I am sorry that your family has caused you this pain. You are such a neat person, Witz. Your insights and wisdom are appreciated here. We all value your part in our family. My hugs and sincerest prayers that your heart heals from the cruelty you've endured. ML
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well you're nicer than I am because I would have told her (digs in purse) here's a stamp - the rest is up to you where my family is concerned.

    But I guess you did the right thing.

    That's rarely easy in these circumstances. :redface:
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You are so very right about that.