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Moderation management....
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 23662" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I may not be the right one to comment on this either, as my drinking is limited to maybe a toast at a wedding the last time I had anything to drink was a girls night out with co-workers about five years ago. But I did have an alcoholic father and spent twenty years married to an alcoholic who abused not only alcohol but prescription drugs as well. </p><p></p><p>Who knows when anyone crosses that line from social drinker to alcoholic, but by any definition of the word alcoholic, my ex- was and IS one! My ex- did and still does live in total denial that he has a problem with alcohol. The term problem is putting it mildly! I couldnt tell you how many times I have heard from him that he <em>DOES NOT have a problem</em>, he could <em>quit anytime he wants to</em>, he just doesnt want to, he <em>chooses</em> to drink ... blah, blah, blah. That your husband recognizes the fact that he has a problem and takes the responsibility for his own choices and actions is very commendable. I think that the biggest, most important part of making a change for the better.</p><p></p><p>The way I see it, alcoholism IS a disease. An alcoholic no more asked for alcoholism than a diabetic asked for diabetes! But both are life-long diseases that CAN be managed by closely regulating ones choices. Nobody said it was easy, but the consequences certainly make the effort worthwhile. A diabetic cant pig out on Twinkies all day and then blame the disease when he gets sick! Thats where the choices come in.</p><p></p><p>Maybe these moderate people are looking at the prospect of occasional drinking like the people who have quit smoking but still carry a pack of cigarettes around with them. They cant handle the idea of never again, but knowing that they could if they wanted to makes it a little easier. I KNOW that if he ever quit drinking (which he wont) my ex- could no more handle an occasional drink than I could ever smoke an occasional cigarette if I had quit. Just one and Id be right back in to it, and so would he!</p><p></p><p>You said that, <em>I hold husband accountable for his decisions let him know that if alcohol ever, ever came before our marriage or family again, I didnt see any other resolution than separation/divorce</em>. Did he believe you when you said that? He needs to ask himself if that occasional drink he would like to have is so important to him that he would risk losing his marriage and family over it if it turned out that he couldnt handle it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 23662, member: 1883"] I may not be the right one to comment on this either, as my drinking is limited to maybe a toast at a wedding the last time I had anything to drink was a girls night out with co-workers about five years ago. But I did have an alcoholic father and spent twenty years married to an alcoholic who abused not only alcohol but prescription drugs as well. Who knows when anyone crosses that line from social drinker to alcoholic, but by any definition of the word alcoholic, my ex- was and IS one! My ex- did and still does live in total denial that he has a problem with alcohol. The term problem is putting it mildly! I couldnt tell you how many times I have heard from him that he [i]DOES NOT have a problem[/i], he could [i]quit anytime he wants to[/i], he just doesnt want to, he [i]chooses[/i] to drink ... blah, blah, blah. That your husband recognizes the fact that he has a problem and takes the responsibility for his own choices and actions is very commendable. I think that the biggest, most important part of making a change for the better. The way I see it, alcoholism IS a disease. An alcoholic no more asked for alcoholism than a diabetic asked for diabetes! But both are life-long diseases that CAN be managed by closely regulating ones choices. Nobody said it was easy, but the consequences certainly make the effort worthwhile. A diabetic cant pig out on Twinkies all day and then blame the disease when he gets sick! Thats where the choices come in. Maybe these moderate people are looking at the prospect of occasional drinking like the people who have quit smoking but still carry a pack of cigarettes around with them. They cant handle the idea of never again, but knowing that they could if they wanted to makes it a little easier. I KNOW that if he ever quit drinking (which he wont) my ex- could no more handle an occasional drink than I could ever smoke an occasional cigarette if I had quit. Just one and Id be right back in to it, and so would he! You said that, [i]I hold husband accountable for his decisions let him know that if alcohol ever, ever came before our marriage or family again, I didnt see any other resolution than separation/divorce[/i]. Did he believe you when you said that? He needs to ask himself if that occasional drink he would like to have is so important to him that he would risk losing his marriage and family over it if it turned out that he couldnt handle it! [/QUOTE]
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