Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Mom needs help with detaching from son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632928" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, Luanne. I'm glad you're here...yet not glad you have to BE here, if you know what I mean. I can feel for your hurting mommy heart.</p><p></p><p>Your son is pretty typical for our difficult child children. And you are a typical parent. He does one thing that is good and we blow it up because we need to feel that there is hope. Yet your son is still drinking, which he obviously can not do and function well, and he is still using drugs and you have no idea what he has or is taking. He is apparently not able to get along with anyone he lives with. And the money you are spending on him isn't doing any good.</p><p></p><p>If he is like our difficult children in general, he is nice to you when he is getting ready to hit us up for something, like money. They are mean and angry when we say "you're a man now and I'm sure you can take care of yourself. If you can't afford a rental around here, rent a room from somebody or move to another area." That sets them off. You don't have to listen to his abuse.in my opinion he is too old to be living with you for any reason. </p><p></p><p>My very first bit of advice, because you have to start somewhere, is to go to a Twelve Step Program like Al-Anon to help you learn how to cope and have a good life even while your son self-destructs. Most of us are working hard on our own lives because we know that we have 0% control over anyone else, even our adult children. So we are trying to build good lives for ourselves in spite of that fact because we have 100% control over ourselves. We don't have to spend our lives angsting over our grown kids who are not choosing to help themselves. We are mostly trying to take care of ourselves and our loved ones who respect us and treat us well. If you don't like Twelve Step, definitely find yourself a therapist to talk to. It is too hard to do this alone. We tend to enable our children until we are broke and sick without help...and they are no better off than before. You may want to read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (this started my trip to good health) as well as Twelve Step or a therapist. Your son is responsible for his crummy life. Has he been in jail? Did you bail him out?</p><p></p><p>Try to do something nice for YOU tonight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632928, member: 1550"] Hi, Luanne. I'm glad you're here...yet not glad you have to BE here, if you know what I mean. I can feel for your hurting mommy heart. Your son is pretty typical for our difficult child children. And you are a typical parent. He does one thing that is good and we blow it up because we need to feel that there is hope. Yet your son is still drinking, which he obviously can not do and function well, and he is still using drugs and you have no idea what he has or is taking. He is apparently not able to get along with anyone he lives with. And the money you are spending on him isn't doing any good. If he is like our difficult children in general, he is nice to you when he is getting ready to hit us up for something, like money. They are mean and angry when we say "you're a man now and I'm sure you can take care of yourself. If you can't afford a rental around here, rent a room from somebody or move to another area." That sets them off. You don't have to listen to his abuse.in my opinion he is too old to be living with you for any reason. My very first bit of advice, because you have to start somewhere, is to go to a Twelve Step Program like Al-Anon to help you learn how to cope and have a good life even while your son self-destructs. Most of us are working hard on our own lives because we know that we have 0% control over anyone else, even our adult children. So we are trying to build good lives for ourselves in spite of that fact because we have 100% control over ourselves. We don't have to spend our lives angsting over our grown kids who are not choosing to help themselves. We are mostly trying to take care of ourselves and our loved ones who respect us and treat us well. If you don't like Twelve Step, definitely find yourself a therapist to talk to. It is too hard to do this alone. We tend to enable our children until we are broke and sick without help...and they are no better off than before. You may want to read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (this started my trip to good health) as well as Twelve Step or a therapist. Your son is responsible for his crummy life. Has he been in jail? Did you bail him out? Try to do something nice for YOU tonight. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Mom needs help with detaching from son
Top