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Mom needs help with detaching from son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632934" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are going through a lot, luane. I had to throw my son out when he physically threatened me. He cornered me and raised his fist. I had a twelve year old at home who saw it and was screaming. I didn't even call the cops. Where I am today, I would have. I did tell him to leave and he left, never thinking I'd let him really go. I was too afraid to let him back as I was divorced and living alone with my other teen son (who always acted oblivious) and my younger daughter who was terrified of him. I found out later he'd been terrorizing her while I'd been at work too. Nice.</p><p></p><p>On this forum, we all have some battle scars. I like to try to help the younger moms not make the same mistakes I made. In the end, I never did fix anything...I couldn't do it...can't fix another. And I now believe nobody has the right to abuse me...not my mother, not my brother, not my sister, not my BFF, not my child. Nobody. And I also don't feel I have to support my grown kids. They have had every advantage while growing up and were given attention, love and the tools to become grown ups. We did it by sacrificing our own desires for them. We did it without regret,so that they could become responsible adults. One of mine still has chosen not to grow up anyway. That's on him, in my opinion. Not sacrificing for a man of 36. Fortunately for me, they all do work, even my biggest difficult child has a good job, but he can still almost drive me out of my mind and I have to still go back to my training from Twelve Step and use my skills to detach when he gets abusive.</p><p></p><p>There are wiser women than me here. Listen to Child of Mine, Scnet of Cedar, Damnit Janet, Recovering Enabler, Echo, so many great warrior moms with so many battle scars, yet are living life...I owe so much to all of them. They are a great bunch. This forum is wonderful. I truly love them all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632934, member: 1550"] You are going through a lot, luane. I had to throw my son out when he physically threatened me. He cornered me and raised his fist. I had a twelve year old at home who saw it and was screaming. I didn't even call the cops. Where I am today, I would have. I did tell him to leave and he left, never thinking I'd let him really go. I was too afraid to let him back as I was divorced and living alone with my other teen son (who always acted oblivious) and my younger daughter who was terrified of him. I found out later he'd been terrorizing her while I'd been at work too. Nice. On this forum, we all have some battle scars. I like to try to help the younger moms not make the same mistakes I made. In the end, I never did fix anything...I couldn't do it...can't fix another. And I now believe nobody has the right to abuse me...not my mother, not my brother, not my sister, not my BFF, not my child. Nobody. And I also don't feel I have to support my grown kids. They have had every advantage while growing up and were given attention, love and the tools to become grown ups. We did it by sacrificing our own desires for them. We did it without regret,so that they could become responsible adults. One of mine still has chosen not to grow up anyway. That's on him, in my opinion. Not sacrificing for a man of 36. Fortunately for me, they all do work, even my biggest difficult child has a good job, but he can still almost drive me out of my mind and I have to still go back to my training from Twelve Step and use my skills to detach when he gets abusive. There are wiser women than me here. Listen to Child of Mine, Scnet of Cedar, Damnit Janet, Recovering Enabler, Echo, so many great warrior moms with so many battle scars, yet are living life...I owe so much to all of them. They are a great bunch. This forum is wonderful. I truly love them all. [/QUOTE]
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