Mom shh, I have a secret, we are Super Heroes!

[totoro]

OK... long night. K has been horrible for months, if you have been keeping track.
Her delusions have gotten so much worse in the past few months. I am trying to keep separate the new addition of Depakote and her "normal" behaviors!!!
But, husband left for a week on Monday... she had only been doing OK for a couple of days, maybe a week max.
So last night she is very heightened, GIDDY... annoying to the point of scary mania. "Mommy I can see the fairies crawling all over you" TEE HEE... I was semi sick to my stomach by the time I got her to bed.
She was this way prior to starting the Depakote. Last night she tells me that since being in Tucson, she has now been seeing her "fairies" during the day and all of the time.
This was part of my major drag last night, very unnerving all around.

So today she has been on edge, she has been complaining a bit about upset stomach. But not too bad. Just kind of Blah.
But very manic-like... weird.
Lots of giggling.
She was violent with me for over an hour and a half. Over all of us cleaning some stuff up and not watching more TV after we watched a movie. I am trying to go very easy on her. Due to the new medication and instability. She just lost it and started attacking me. N was so scared, (she also jumped on N's back last night? I didn't get the whole story, but scared N bad!)
I ended up getting N in the bath, restraining K... she got giggly. Was OK. N out of the bath. Can't even remember what triggered her again, she attacked me again... I finally had to hold her face and look her in the eye, yell, "You will not hurt me any more!" and push her to the floor as I walked away. She was just throwing herself on me and laughing, hitting, spitting. I was trying to get N dressed, she was still in a towel.
So she is crying how I hurt her, but calmer, in her room. I call husband to let him know what happened and so he can say good night to N. K comes out sobbing about how hurt she is, talks to husband.
She sinks to her low now. Lays on me and is just a heap... I have to have them sleep in my bed AGAIN... we are lying there and she says, "Mom, shh, I have a secret, we are Super Heroes"! "You have to keep it a, tee-hee, secret, don't talk to anyone, but we, hee-hee, have powers"
So I go on to ask her what she means? Because she will not stop.
"I am HEALTHY GIRL!" she says... I am trying not to laugh... I ask her why? She says because I try to eat healthy... OK. I said well what powers do you have? She said, "I am trying to help the human race be healthier!"
She said she is trying to figure out what color costume to wear!!!
After all of that and such a crappy night and everything being so on edge for her, she goes and says something like this... she blows me away sometimes.
You know tonight was one of those nights were I thought about how she might need Hospitalization. But here in Idaho where we are. There is NO where to put her...
I want to give the Depakote a chance. But man somedays you just ask yourself, When is someone gonna make the miracle medication??? Or a cure? I am not even angry about the violence, I am just sad for her. And N.

Oh I asked her what powers I had? She said, "Well what do you enjoy?" I said, "A good night's sleep!" She said, "Well that is your power, to help people sleep!"

 

[GoingNorth]

I haven't been following this, but is K taking an atypical antipsychotic of some kind? It seems to me that she is quite psychotic at this juncture and that this something that needs to be addressed.

The APs do have side effects, the most of benign of which is weight gain--they can also cause tardive dyskinasia and other movement disorders, etc.

BUT...you may be reaching a point where the psychosis has to be addressed.

It does sound to me like an inpatient stay might be the best place for getting medications straightened out.

 

[smallworld]

Toto, can you email or fax the account of what occurred last night to the new psychiatrist? I strongly recommend you make her aware of what's going on.

Depakote stops mania, but as you well know from reading the books, it takes 6 to 8 weeks after reaching a therapeutic dose. Unfortunately, I don't think you can begin counting those weeks because she's taking such a low dose at this point.

Hugs to you, K and N.

 

[jannie]

difficult child 1 seemed so much worse as we were titrating and waiting for the 6-8 weeks to kick in when he was starting triletpal. At first I wanted to stop it, but I held out for this long period because I felt as though I needed to see if it would help... She sounds like she is really having a tough time..

Has she been sleeping? I'd call the doctor....see what he says....How much worse are her behaviors since starting the Depakote? I know she was struggling without any medications as well....Hang in there...Sending hugs-

 

[Hound dog]

Toto

I'm wondering if the Super Heroes thing isn't just normal 6 yr old make believe. Of course, I'm not there watching her do it so it's hard to judge. But 6 yr olds can have very active imaginations. Is it possible that with everything else going on you're reading too much into that one?

I brought it up cuz it sounds fairly typical of a 6 yr old. And I know when Nichole has been off the wall in behavior and such it makes it hard to distinguish between age related vs sympomatic.

I hope the medications start to help soon, for both your sakes.

((hugs))

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there.
My layperson's/mom take is that she's hallucinating ("I see fairies all over you. We are Superheroes.") in my opinion it's not childhood imagination, all things considered. Depakote takes eight weeks to kick in, but it's not an anti-psychotic. Sometimes when the mania is under control, the hallucinations go away. Sometimes they don't. Also, if it were my child, I would want an anti psychotic added to give her relief from the hallucinations. I wish you good luck...you and your l ittle one.

 

[Christy]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and at a time when husband is away. Are there really no inpatient options in your state? That is terrible. Be sure to make the doctor aware exactly of what is happening. My son is also having a tough time as well. He was inpatient for 15 days right after Easter. He seemed to be much improved when he came home but now he is back to being unstable, very explosive and not able to function due to being constantly agitated. I homeschool because his last two years in school have been a nightmare and it has been a good decision until recently when he went off the deep end (rethinking for next year). Anyway, I am afraid to leave the house with him because he has flipped out in the car a few times recently. Life is not good these days.

I know depakote takes a while to reach theraputic level (been there done that) but I hope you see some improvement and get relief soon!

Take care,
Christy

 

[meowbunny]

Poor little one. Poor you. To be locked into a world where the unreal seems real must be incredibly frightening for her when she's lucid. I can only imagine your pain and fears.

No advice, just many, many hugs. I truly hope and pray something starts working soon. No one deserves to live like this.

 

[house of cards]

I am sorry you both are going through this painful time, why is it so hard to get the help we need for our kids? It took 4 years before I could get a mood stabilizer for my son, I feel your pain. (((hugs))) and prayers for strength. I didn't get far just telling my docs anything, I finally got some help when I began handing them written descriptions which they had to keep in his file.

 

[Shari]

I don't have any addtional advice, other than I highly encourage getting this to therapist or psychiatrist or both (or anyone you find in the phone book at this point maybe!) (print it and mail it, email it, however you have to!).
And sending MAJOR HUGS.

 

[Christy]

I agree with House of Cards. Writing things down really makes it concrete, easy to track, allows you to share info without retelling horror stories to psychiatrist in the presense of difficult child, and shows a pattern of behavior. I kept a log of behaviors for a week before difficult child went to psychiatric hospital and it was all that was needed for admittance. We did not have Occupational Therapist (OT) go to the ER and was able to make the difficult move less stressful. Now finding the time to document things is a whole other issue!

 

[Steely]

Oh Toto..............
I feel so sad for you guys. K sounds beside herself.

I totally respect that you are doing one medication at a time, what else can you do? Right? She has already been on too many, one at a time is the only choice now. Geesh, though, the waiting to get to the right dose sound horrible.

I am wondering if psychiatrist can give you a PRN AP medication. A low dose of something like Seroquel to use when she is raging, just to help her calm down. I think I might talk to him about what happened last night, and suggest a PRN. K should not have to suffer to this degree without some relief.

Many hugs and positive thoughts being sent that Tuscon is the answer. When do you get settled there permanently?

 

[totoro]

Thanks everyone...again.
I try to write everything down. I at least put notes on a big calender in front of the computer. Writing here makes ME feel better.
We have done the AP's... I would consider adding adding another maybe, after she was stable. This is how psychiatrist feels also. She just had a terrible time the side affects.
Yes, in the Sate of Idaho the only Children's in Hospital placement would be Boise... we are about as north as you can get!!! We have already done Spokane! This is part of the reason why we are moving. There are just no psychiatrist's up here.
psychiatrist knew all about her Hallucinations and psychotic episodes. We all figured we could handle it until our next apt at the end of June...
I fully agree some times these things get worse before they get better. Me myself on Lamictal and the Topamx, took some times.
She doesn't seem worse or better, just different. Know what I mean???? I guess her Mania is worse, because the added giddyness.
I would say the "Super-Hero" stuff was normal for normal kids, but she is doing it when she is manic, she has "the look" in her eye. She fully believes... but in a good innocent way. She becomes frantic if I dismiss her.
Lately it goes from one frantic thing to the next, for a couple of weeks. She was building a science lab, explaining how muscles are like popcorn!!! The healthier and more you work out, makes them POP!!! and get bigger...
She just gets all of these weird thought processes and they go and go. When she is manic it is worse. Because there may be violence.
If I could just help her channel it... focus for more than a few minutes.
She will for about 15 minutes, but it never stops. It goes all day, non-stop. One project to the next. That was why I personally was kind of glad she digs the WII!!!

I am going to journal today... right now she is upstairs yelling at me, I told her to hold on. I am going up to shower. I told her she could watch a TIVO show and work on a workbook... basket C.

We are supposed to increase the Depakote Friday.
Thanks again, sometimes just getting it out makes me feel better. Oh and N has a bad... stomach. So she is mad because she has to stay home! I was explaining what Diarrhea was... N, denied having it... Uh, yes you do!!! Pretty bad, since last night!

 

[totoro]

Steely we have Clonidine, but that was from before. I am going to call and see if that is OK or if she would suggest something else??? I was thinking about Seroquel as an add on once she was stable, one we have not tried...
I just want a small dose that will take the violence off but not knock her out!!! Don't we all???

 

[Christy]

I just want a small dose that will take the violence off but not knock her out!!! Don't we all???

Sometimes I'd like something to knock out my difficult child! Just kidding (sort of) but there are some days when the best thing we can do is go to sleep and try again tomorrow!

 

[Steely]

Toto,
I know for my difficult child if he is manic Clonidine only takes his rage or ideation down about a centimeter - then he is right back up. K probably needs just a small dose of Seroquel or another AP when she gets this out of control. This would not be something she takes daily, or as a regimen - only something she can take to stop the process, if only for a day. It is amazing what even one day of respite can do to help these kids brains re-set themselves.

Gosh K reminds me of M at that age. You think of mania as adults who "binge" or whatever - but because we are parents of little ones, and we want their surroundings to be educational, they become manic over things like science labs.
M would become manic and start cooking. He would not stop. He would cook every concoction you can think of - not edible foods mind you - only things he thought were edible - and then he would insist on me trying his "delicious apple pie" he just baked. Uh, sure honey. Then it became craft projects - he would draw for hours and hours - ink smudged from one ear to the next - and about 900 waded pieces of paper on the floor from "all of his failures". After that pottery, I think we still have about 50 ashtrays in the garage somewhere (mind you, I don't smoke, but what else are you gonna make with pottery at 3am?). Then he got into bikes, skateboards, and outside stuff - which you would think we would be better, because he is exercising - but this was the worst period of all. The fact that is was revving his body constantly made the mania even worse, not to mention it was summer, hot, and he was going to his friend's houses and downing caffeinated beverages. The worst moment of mania, I think I have ever witnessed with M was about 6 years ago. We had just started Abilify, which for whatever reason, made him even more manic (it was quickly d/c). He stole money out of my purse and rode his bike to the store where he purchased 6 red bulls. He drank them all, and was up for 48 hours straight. It scared the beejeezus out of me - I kept trying to get him in bed - and all I could see was the 11 year old, with buggy eyes, covered in grease from his bike, wrench in hand, wired.

Now, it is video games - BUT - his mania is finally in control for the most part. It took the Lithium, which was started after "his red bull incident" as we call it, to finally help his ragged edges smooth.

All of that rambling to say - it will get better!!! And - you are not alone.

You and K are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Steely.

 

[TerryJ2]

Totoro, wish I could help, but you've got great support and advice here from others who have been through things with-their own kids.
I got a chuckle out of the diarrhea denial. SO much like my difficult child.
Terry

 

[witzend]

How much longer is she in school, or is she done? I might be a little worried about about her "super-hero" status. What if she decides that someone needs to be rescued, or worse yet, stopped?

Hopefully the dosage increase tomorrow will help. You must be exhausted!

 

[totoro]

It really is funny at school, the kids love her for the first time in her life. She can do no wrong at school. (Not due to any help from Teacher)
But she actually "holds" it together for the most part at school... she has yet to be truly manic or delusional.
Mind you, she is weird, she is totally out there... one day it will freak the other kids out if she does not get a handle on it.
But for now I think she knows to try and keep these things as best as possible under control, like the hallucinations etc.
Today "Smokey the Bear" came. She could not handle it, instead of teacher helping her, she sent her to the library by herself,
But little K was actually OK with it. She told me she was just too scared and could not "deal with it". I think this will affect her as time goes on, but for now she is kind of oblivious to it all, as well as her teacher and classmates!
Next year??? Who Knows.
She is already over the super hero thing for today! It may come back? Today is semi calm... ahhh. Besides the diarrhea!!!

 

[witzend]

Diarrhea? Her or you? Either way, that's bad!