Mom vs Grandma--Rosemond's take

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Nov 10, 2007.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    This is great! It will strike a chord with-a few of you, I know.

    Q: My boys are 7 and 2. I have always been an “I tell you once” type of mom, which is how my mother raised me. Ironically, when I try to discipline my kids when my mom is around, she becomes very upset and winds up undermining my authority. She has even gotten in my face and threatened me. Needless to say, my kids’ behavior worsens considerably when Grandma is present. If I had done what they do to her—speak disrespectfully, refuse to obey—I would have been punished. She does nothing. I can’t just take them away from her. In addition to being their grandmother, she is my support system. When I talk to her about the problem, she acts like she understands, but nothing changes. What can I do?

    A: Let me get this straight. Your mother undermines your authority and has even threatened you when you try to discipline your children? And you won’t do anything because she is your support system? This sounds like abuse to me, in which case you are functioning as a classic enabler. I find it hard to believe that your mom’s “support” is worth the money you’re saving by depending on her. Under the circumstances, she has clearly violated her trust, and you are clearly justified in telling her that she must stay away until she is ready to truly support you in your efforts to raise boys to men who respect women.

    If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then the alternative is to let your mother take over completely when she is in your home or you are in hers. When she walks through the door, say, “They’re yours, Mom. Thanks for giving me a break” and let her deal with EVERYTHING. Make some excuse to leave the house. Take a nap. Weed the garden. If the kids misbehave when she’s there, go tell her and ask her if she will please deal with it. Sometimes, the best way to win a battle is to stop trying to win it.
  2. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sure this post will help some of us. I no longer have any contact with my mother, but when the kids were younger, this could have been written about me!

    Thanks for sharing this. WFEN
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I like this Terry! Thanks for sharing.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, he's clear-cut and to-the-point. I like it!