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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677113" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would never leave my own house, even for a disturbed adult child. Your son is a grown man, not that little boy who was so cute. See the MAN that he is, not the child he used to be. That isn't really him anymore.</p><p></p><p>Jail is not necessarily a bad place for an addict. They have no choice but to get clean and many improve in jail. There are AA and NA meetings, I believe. For me, I'd be afraid that if I made life warm and cozy for my addict son then I'd be contributing to his ability to enjoy his self-destructive lifestyle. Almost all professional advice says to not make it easy. It is bizarre to leave your own home because your son is choosing not to get well and to continue his illegal drug use. Even living with you, if this keeps up, he will probably end up in jail, although, as I said before, I have heard it isn't a bad place for drug addicts. they WILL detox and get clean then the rest is up to them.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion you are going overboard, to the point of craziness (yes, they make us crazy) to try to "save" your son unpleasant experiences, but you can't. As long as he is a drug addict, his life will be scary and awful to you, although some addicts don't really dislike their lives. We care more than them or they would have quit. Something's wrong with that...</p><p></p><p>Nothing you do, especially giving him free access to party and destroy your home while you bail, will do any good. He should be the one to go even if he has to be homeless...the homeless community take care of one another and help find places for food and shelter.</p><p></p><p>Do not let your son control your life. You have a life and other people besides this son who are in your life and they love and care for you and can give you back the love in your kind heart. Your son can't do it due to his addiction. He is violent? Call the cops.</p><p></p><p>There is only one person in the world we can change and that is ourselves. We can change how we react to our addicted adult children, but we can not do one thing to change how they live and whether or not they end up in jail. Your son is very likely to end up in jail, even if you give him your house, because he will go out hunting for drugs with dangerous people and may get into a fight or be stopped and searched...he is sealing his own fate.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter used drugs, after her first mishap with a car, she never drove our cars again and we stopped paying for insurance or gas. Who pays for your 25 year old son's cars that he keeps wrecking? If it's you...I suggest you stop. He can walk to his drug dealer's house. Or take a bus. He doesn't need to kill himself or somebody else in a car accident on your dime. You'd feel even worsee than you already do if you contributed to it.</p><p></p><p>In t he end, it is up to you. To me, my house is my house and sanctuary and nobody will ever make me leave, not even a grown child. Your young man is deliberately walking a dangerous path. If anything should happen to him, and it probably won't (amazing how they keep going and going) you did not cause it nor could you have stopped it.</p><p></p><p>My encouragement is--yes, I know it is hard to do--but take back your life and certainly your house and let your son walk his own life's path. In the end, all of us walk our own path and nobody can force us to walk OUR paths. At your son's age, it's time for him to be a man and not depend on you...go to rehab, get a job, straighten it out. But he has to do it on his own.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677113, member: 1550"] I would never leave my own house, even for a disturbed adult child. Your son is a grown man, not that little boy who was so cute. See the MAN that he is, not the child he used to be. That isn't really him anymore. Jail is not necessarily a bad place for an addict. They have no choice but to get clean and many improve in jail. There are AA and NA meetings, I believe. For me, I'd be afraid that if I made life warm and cozy for my addict son then I'd be contributing to his ability to enjoy his self-destructive lifestyle. Almost all professional advice says to not make it easy. It is bizarre to leave your own home because your son is choosing not to get well and to continue his illegal drug use. Even living with you, if this keeps up, he will probably end up in jail, although, as I said before, I have heard it isn't a bad place for drug addicts. they WILL detox and get clean then the rest is up to them. In my opinion you are going overboard, to the point of craziness (yes, they make us crazy) to try to "save" your son unpleasant experiences, but you can't. As long as he is a drug addict, his life will be scary and awful to you, although some addicts don't really dislike their lives. We care more than them or they would have quit. Something's wrong with that... Nothing you do, especially giving him free access to party and destroy your home while you bail, will do any good. He should be the one to go even if he has to be homeless...the homeless community take care of one another and help find places for food and shelter. Do not let your son control your life. You have a life and other people besides this son who are in your life and they love and care for you and can give you back the love in your kind heart. Your son can't do it due to his addiction. He is violent? Call the cops. There is only one person in the world we can change and that is ourselves. We can change how we react to our addicted adult children, but we can not do one thing to change how they live and whether or not they end up in jail. Your son is very likely to end up in jail, even if you give him your house, because he will go out hunting for drugs with dangerous people and may get into a fight or be stopped and searched...he is sealing his own fate. When my daughter used drugs, after her first mishap with a car, she never drove our cars again and we stopped paying for insurance or gas. Who pays for your 25 year old son's cars that he keeps wrecking? If it's you...I suggest you stop. He can walk to his drug dealer's house. Or take a bus. He doesn't need to kill himself or somebody else in a car accident on your dime. You'd feel even worsee than you already do if you contributed to it. In t he end, it is up to you. To me, my house is my house and sanctuary and nobody will ever make me leave, not even a grown child. Your young man is deliberately walking a dangerous path. If anything should happen to him, and it probably won't (amazing how they keep going and going) you did not cause it nor could you have stopped it. My encouragement is--yes, I know it is hard to do--but take back your life and certainly your house and let your son walk his own life's path. In the end, all of us walk our own path and nobody can force us to walk OUR paths. At your son's age, it's time for him to be a man and not depend on you...go to rehab, get a job, straighten it out. But he has to do it on his own. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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