Mommy wants to cry!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tjg4god, Jan 25, 2008.

  1. tjg4god

    tjg4god just me

    Hi. I am new to this site and wanted to tell you all a little about my family and I and get some feed back if you wouldn't mind. I have 2 sons Noah and Dakota. Noah is 8 years old and has ADHD and low self esteem. Dakota is 3 and has not been diagnosis yet as we have only went to 2 appointments but they are telling me either ADHD or CD or both. Dakota is SO MUCH harder than Noah EVER was. He is out right mean. He abuses the dog, he breaks all his toys etc. I cannot control him. That is so hard for me to admit. He is 3, it should not be like this. Noah takes 36mg of Concerta daily and is doing some better, but has a lot of mood swings. I am married but my husband don't help me very much as he is at work most of the time. I feel like I am a prisoner in my home because I don't go very many places because I cannot control my son. He throws fits and screams and has a total meltdown and it is so embarrasing and enraging at the same time. I believe I am getting very depressed as well. I don't have any family in the area nor does my husband so I don't get a babysitter easily or often. I just want to cry all the time and ask WHY? DID I DO SOMETHING TO CAUSE THIS BEHAVIOR? I feel like a very lousy parent with really good intentions. I have tried time outs, time ins, corners, naughty spots, no tv, bribes to be good (lol), and even a occasional swat to the behind(only REALLY bad offences and only about 1 time a year as I don't really believe in spanking). But nothing has worked. Dakota bounces off the walls, climbs, destroys things, by the time I clean 1 mess he has 3 more waiting. I need some advice. Please let me know of any parenting advice you have or ANYTHING. I am in very bad need to talk to SOMEONE. My marriage and family feels like it is falling apart and I don't know what to do.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm glad that you found us. Hang in there and we'll see what we can do to help. All of us were pretty desperate when we found this place.

    What kind of specialist is involved in diagnosing your son's? How much time are they spending with you and the boys dor this assessment?

    Waht is the family mental health history like? Anything like depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia, substance abuse, etc?

    Are you plugged into any agencies that could give you a break? Sometimes you can arrange through county mental health services to get extra help or respite care since babysitting usually isn't a workable option.

    If you don't have a copy of the book, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, you'll want to pick up a copy. It will give you an approach to parenting that has worked well for many parents of difficult kids.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome! As SRL asked, please let us know more about who diagnosis your son's. A CD diagnosis for a 3-year old is inappropriate and it concerns me that a professional would mention it. A psychiatrist-psychiatrist-gave that diagnosis to my older son when he was 6. After some blind panic, I started researching it and found out that CD should not be diagnosis until 18 years old. A more appropriate assessment diagnosis my son with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-Aspergers and with proper interventions he is under control and doing well at home & school. A correct diagnosis is vital.

    Again, welcome to our little corner of the web. You have found a good place for support.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    JJJ, I'm not keen on the CD diagnosis for younger kids because I think it's a diagnostic copout for not finding the real problem. But you should be aware that it did make it into the DSM-IV Text Revision for children of younger ages and we've started to see it reported by parents. So in the professional sense it is a legitimate diagnosis, but we suggest to parents whose kids look like they may get that diagnosis to not sign to authorize that report to be sent anywhere: not schools, pediatrician, etc. then to find another diagnostician.
  5. tjg4god

    tjg4god just me

    Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I took my sons both to the same doctor. A behavior psycologist is what he is and he has MD's and other pediatric docotrs all together. My 8 year old has been going there for about 4 years and it took about 2 years and alot of testing (Learning Disability (LD), bipolar, dyslexia etc.) before they put him on medications. I tried to go with therapy and tutoring before medications. Now my 3 year old has had only the initial intake and 1 follow up of behavior therapy so far and has an appointment on Monday with a specialist in the field of child psycology to observe him further and see if they agree with the diagnosis of ADHD/CD that the other place gave me. Based on symptoms I thought he may have ODD but I am not a doctor and am going by what they are telling me. They are also worried he might have some developmental delays, especially sensory things? But I will continue to research and see what happens. I just need some kind of definative answer so I can help him and try to put my family back together.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't believe it's your fault at all. Bet there are psychiatric problems somewhere on the family tree. I would take them both to a neuropsychologist. Myself, I'd run like the wind if anyone diagnosed a t hree year old with CD. I also feel CD and ODD are copouts for the real problem and CD isn't normally diagnosed in ten year olds let alone a three year old. You may want a fresh opinion, especially if other problems are on the family tree and if your kids aren't improving. It could be they aren't getting the right sort of help. If he has developmental delays, I'd want him tested for high functioning autism (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified or Aspergers) and a neuropsychologist would be my choice. Psychologists without the neuro rarely do any testing, certainly not the extensive stuff a neuropsychologist does. My son, for example was tested for twelve hours. I believe in "Leave no stone unturned." I would take the older child to a neuropsychologist too, especially if he has no social skills or some quirky behaviors.
  7. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    These ladies have some good ideas. I do not have much knowledge about diagnoses, but I also have heard that CD is not given as a diagnosis until a person is much older. If you are uncomfortable with the place the kids are at, can you find a children's hospital nearby and look into their evaluation facility? Good luck.