Moms When they still can pull the rug out from under you........

[Hound dog]

Yep. Is what she did tonight.

I may be dirt poor but I'm one heckova proud person. I've worked my fanny off for what little I do have. I don't borrow, I don't own credit cards. If I don't have the cash, I just do without. I've become the Queen of Make Do.

So my mom came over for my graduation. Now you all know my mouth is a mess.....but please, you honestly have to see it to believe it. I don't believe it and it's MY mouth.

She calls me tonight and asks what I'm going to do about the problem. The problem being that honestly every tooth needs to go and dentures to replace them. Dentist says he can "save" a few anchor teeth and put in bridges........but why? So I can do it again in just a few years?? No thanks. But since Dentist billing person says it's a positive no go on a payment plan......then it was going to have to wait until I could find a place that would do payments and that I was working on it.

So she says to call him back and find out a definate charge for all the teeth to be pulled and she'd use her credit card. Two hitches to that. 1. She has a 2k limit and 2. she's in Illinios and I'm in ohio. So it would have to be under 2k total. And he's wanting charge per tooth, no bulk discount has been mentioned. Well ok, the 2k should cover the pulling.....cuz I'm gonna have an issue with letting him do it if he can't do a decent discount for bulk and the fact he's going to get instant payment. Then the plan is to let the gums heal.........by then she'll have paid off the card again.....and she'd pay for the dentures the same way,.

Mom was upset that I wasn't jumping at her offer. Well.....dunno, it doesn't feel right to let her do this for me. Yeah she's my Mom and all, and so I get that, and it's really nice of her.....but I don't do this sort of thing well at all.

She has never done anything like this for me. Ever. My sibs.......plenty of times. Me, never. Never even offered, suggested..... yeah. And I wouldn't dream of ever asking.

So she says "Now you know darn good and well that if one of your kids were in the same position with no other real alternative, you'd be furious if they didn't let you help them."

And she was soooo right. She still doesn't fight fair. lol

So back on the phone again tomorrow. And with luck (can't believe I'm saying this) I'll be gumming my thanksgiving dinner..... Well hopefully not. But these past weeks with my mouth and I just want to get rid of the problem forever. I no longer care.

 

[Shari]

I'm glad you're mom is offering to help! I don't think there's any shame in accepting an offer of help once in a while. Lord knows you've hoed your row, anyway.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Pride is a wonderful quality to have and to instill in your children. So is being humble enough to accept this loving gift from someone who cares about you and wants to provide you with something you really need that would take you considerable time to get done on your own. I'm so glad she made this offer. I know just how hard it is to accept help when part of your personality is to get it all done on your own. In this instance, I am glad you are taking the offer. What a blessing and near Thanksgiving to boot .

 

[KTMom91]

One of the hardest things for me was learning to accept help. I still don't do it very well, but I'm learning. Glad your mom made the offer, and glad you accepted. Hope you can get into the dentist soon!

 

[Marguerite]

She has never done anything like this for me. Ever. My sibs.......plenty of times. Me, never. Never even offered, suggested..... yeah. And I wouldn't dream of ever asking.

Well then, it's a good thing she's making up for lost time now.

Honey, you are such a proud, independant person and perhaps in the past you have seemed so capable and not needing help, compared to the others. Now shecan see somewhere in your life where she can help. And she is offering. Accepting the offer with grace is to do something kind for her, too.

I am glad you are accepting. Please do it with grace. I'm realising right now, how mother in law can't say "thank you" when you start to do something for her. She can say it afterwards, but when you start to do something (like make her a cup of coffee, or weed her garden) her immediate response is ALWAYS "Oh, don't do that now, it's late/you're tired/I'll do it later."
At first I used to back off and give in, but I could never see the sense in doing that. Often I would turn up with spare seedlings which desperately needed a home, to put in her garden where she said she longed for colour, to have her say, "Oh, don't do that now, it will be dark in an hour," when in fact it is the best time. But I didn't do it (the first few times) and the seedlings died. And she had to buy more, because they were the ones she wanted anyway. Then the new seedlings died because she needed me to put them in (all of five minutes' work) and would never let me do it because she would say, "Oh, don't do it now..."

I'm learning to interpret that when she says, "You don't have to do this now," or "Please leave it, I will do it later," or "Are you sure I'm not imposing?" that I have to just bulldoze through and say, "I am doing this! NOW!" Because she's not complaining, she's not saying no, it's her way of saying, "Thank you."
She needs to be told, and not be given a choice. Because once she has a choice, then she has to own that choice. And then she feels responsible, and she can't handle that.

Not all difficult children are kids...

Marg

 

[hearts and roses]

Independence and pride can accomodate a little grace as well. I'm glad you're accepting your Mom's help with your teeth. Just close your eyes and imagined the beautiful open mouth smile you'll have! yeah!

You may have already done so, but bave you contacted local university hospitals? Many of them have dental clinics which will accept payment plans and reduced rates for those cannot pay full price.

 

[susiestar]

I am glad you haven't turned her down flat, and are leaning toward accepting her help if the dentist can do it for the amt your mom can afford.

I know how proud you are, and how stubborn. You have worked very very hard, and gone without a whole lot so that you could live within your means. That pride, stubborness, and willingness to work of yours are good things, but not when taken to extremes. Right now, this is extremes.

I also know how much you enjoy giving to others, esp gifts that come from the heart. Our society puts a huge emphasis on giving material things, and we often forget that accepting them is important also. Sometimes, the best, biggest gift we can give to someone is to graciously and humbly accept something they want to give to us. She seems to want to do this for you, to give you this gift. As independent and self sufficient as you are, she may not feel that you need her. THis is a way to show her that you do, that there is a time when you are willing to lean on her a little bit, the way she leans on you when her mental illness is more active, for lack of a better way to phrase it.

Please get them done as soon as you can.

She is right about how you would feel if easy child or Nichole were in your position and you were able to help.

 

[Marcie Mac]

Lisa when I had my top teeth taken out because of gum problems years ago, before they pull them they took an impression of them prior to pulling (I had the back ones pulled out prior) When the plate came back, they pulled the rest and put the plate directly in after putting some kind of medicine in first. After my insurance, it was 1,500.00 I don't think its preferable to have them pulled a few at a time because eating will wear down your jaw bone

You may want to look into getting insurance just for a few months to get what ever you can covered, then cancel it afterwards

Marcie

 

[klmno]

It sounds like a good idea to me, too. It is health related and shoot, consider it a holiday gift. Good luck!

 

[mstang67chic]

I"m glad you're getting it done too. It will make a world of difference and not just in the appearance in your mouth.

My mom had it done back when I was still in high school. She too had an impression taken and her plate looks like her old teeth....shape, size, alignment (mostly), etc. With her....they pulled one half...let it heal some and then pulled the other side and then almost immediately she started wearing her plates. One other thing they did though....she has 2 teeth on the bottem left.....sort of. They are, I believe, the ones on each side of the front two. The dentist left these, filed them to gum level and then hollowed them out. He used them as an achor for this bar that her bottom plate hooks onto. Not sure if that's common or not but you might want to look into it.

Good luck!