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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 684309" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>In a way, you have begun, already. A warm welcome, Nomad. </p><p></p><p>We were never to learn why posting about FOO issues worked for us as it did. I am thinking it has to do with the bilateral nature of keyboarding while reviewing traumatic memories. </p><p></p><p>Like Thom Hartman's book about walking the blues away: </p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]id=X8gKiTatDyU;list=PL5gNz_FycX96FUl-AjJlnB23OTW71dJXe[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>Reviewing traumatic remembrances while exercising both sides of the body, so the current theory goes, seems to enable our brains to store traumatic memories differently. </p><p></p><p>The trauma, though we still remember it, feels like it is in the past. </p><p></p><p>PTSD is when our brains have stored traumatic events in such a way that emotions attending the original trauma can be re-triggered, in all their intensity, today. Everything about the event ~ the fear of the abuser, the shame of having been unable to protect ourselves, the hope of being perfect enough to see pride instead of disappointment in the eyes of the abusers we loved and wished for love from. The belief that somehow, what happened was our fault or was all we deserved ~ all those belief systems can be keyed by unrelated triggers in our lives now. When that happens, we misrepresent the nature of our own reality. We believe the present day abuser is right to feel as he or she does, or to say to us the things he or she says. We are forever ending things because they are not perfect, or because we have exposed too much and are ashamed to have been seen without defense. W</p><p></p><p>This kind of thinking is where we work, here on FOO Chronicles. It is about what happened to each of us, but more importantly it is about how we think about what is happening in our lives today.</p><p></p><p>How are we defining ourselves and the events of our lives today. </p><p></p><p>How might we learn healthier ways to define ourselves in our futures.</p><p></p><p>That is what we are doing. Maybe, we never had to confess to the shaming things. Maybe, studying healthy response, and determining to require ourselves to change the way we respond to the events in our lives is enough.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>When traumatic memories are stored in a place in the brain having to do with the present, that, according to something I read and posted here for us somewhere back in the FOO Chronicles threads, is how PTSD may have its effects. Something flashes and keys the traumatic memory, and the brain replays and replays it as though it is happening now.</p><p></p><p>There is a vulnerability in posting on a public forum. </p><p></p><p>I would do it again in a heartbeat. The fulcrum of my healing process is exploring and exposing contempt, the shame it was covering, and the abandonment/mortality issues underlying all of it. We all deal with these issues. Those of us raised as I was will not have been given the tools required to cope successfully. In the act of prioritizing and writing, in a coherent fashion, about what I learn, I am ordering my brain in the new way we discussed in the paragraphs above. I am able to hold a post until I am ready to post it. I retain control in the sense that I may decide not to post it at all. But there is something about that final step of posting that names us to ourselves. It has to do with the power those secret things hold over us because they are secret. Posting is choosing ourselves over our secrets. But, as was noted in the commentary on the appropriateness of FOO Chronicles on a site like Conduct Disorders, posting on a public forum leaves us vulnerable. </p><p></p><p>Radical compassion. To drink our tea as though the Earth itself turns on our joy. (That is paraphrasing Thich Nhat Hanh.)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Just that intention to hold ourselves with Radical Compassion, however we feel or whatever we have been twisted into believing about ourselves down where no one can see, will change everything about how we define ourselves and our worlds.</p><p></p><p>I think posting about our own processes is helpful, but I don't know that the kind of self exposure I have engaged in is necessary for everyone. I do feel it was necessary for me. There would have been no other way to address the shame in it without re-traumatizing myself. </p><p></p><p>I think that is true.</p><p></p><p>Protect yourself first, Nomad. Protect your anonymity, cherish your privacy, and determine to heal. </p><p></p><p>The results are amazing.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Right now, I am having a look at what fuels perfectionism. At the core of it, for me, is that concept of external (versus internal) locus of control.</p><p></p><p>Perfectionism seems to be when we have identified so completely with the abuser that we monitor our imperfection continually. Because I do that, I always fall short of expectation. I could never not fall short, because I slide in and raise the expectation bar right into the realm of accusations of arrogance. Or I condemn myself mercilessly based not on performance, but on outcome.</p><p></p><p>Either way, I am condemned. Either as inept, or as arrogant.</p><p></p><p>I need to learn (I am learning) to balance both sets of expectations through employing the concept of Radical Compassion.</p><p></p><p>Prior to the work we've done here, the filter was not compassion, but ~ I don't know. Some feeling having to do with my mother's eyes.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I like this idea, Nomad.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 684309, member: 17461"] :O) In a way, you have begun, already. A warm welcome, Nomad. We were never to learn why posting about FOO issues worked for us as it did. I am thinking it has to do with the bilateral nature of keyboarding while reviewing traumatic memories. Like Thom Hartman's book about walking the blues away: [MEDIA=youtube]id=X8gKiTatDyU;list=PL5gNz_FycX96FUl-AjJlnB23OTW71dJXe[/MEDIA] Reviewing traumatic remembrances while exercising both sides of the body, so the current theory goes, seems to enable our brains to store traumatic memories differently. The trauma, though we still remember it, feels like it is in the past. PTSD is when our brains have stored traumatic events in such a way that emotions attending the original trauma can be re-triggered, in all their intensity, today. Everything about the event ~ the fear of the abuser, the shame of having been unable to protect ourselves, the hope of being perfect enough to see pride instead of disappointment in the eyes of the abusers we loved and wished for love from. The belief that somehow, what happened was our fault or was all we deserved ~ all those belief systems can be keyed by unrelated triggers in our lives now. When that happens, we misrepresent the nature of our own reality. We believe the present day abuser is right to feel as he or she does, or to say to us the things he or she says. We are forever ending things because they are not perfect, or because we have exposed too much and are ashamed to have been seen without defense. W This kind of thinking is where we work, here on FOO Chronicles. It is about what happened to each of us, but more importantly it is about how we think about what is happening in our lives today. How are we defining ourselves and the events of our lives today. How might we learn healthier ways to define ourselves in our futures. That is what we are doing. Maybe, we never had to confess to the shaming things. Maybe, studying healthy response, and determining to require ourselves to change the way we respond to the events in our lives is enough. *** When traumatic memories are stored in a place in the brain having to do with the present, that, according to something I read and posted here for us somewhere back in the FOO Chronicles threads, is how PTSD may have its effects. Something flashes and keys the traumatic memory, and the brain replays and replays it as though it is happening now. There is a vulnerability in posting on a public forum. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The fulcrum of my healing process is exploring and exposing contempt, the shame it was covering, and the abandonment/mortality issues underlying all of it. We all deal with these issues. Those of us raised as I was will not have been given the tools required to cope successfully. In the act of prioritizing and writing, in a coherent fashion, about what I learn, I am ordering my brain in the new way we discussed in the paragraphs above. I am able to hold a post until I am ready to post it. I retain control in the sense that I may decide not to post it at all. But there is something about that final step of posting that names us to ourselves. It has to do with the power those secret things hold over us because they are secret. Posting is choosing ourselves over our secrets. But, as was noted in the commentary on the appropriateness of FOO Chronicles on a site like Conduct Disorders, posting on a public forum leaves us vulnerable. Radical compassion. To drink our tea as though the Earth itself turns on our joy. (That is paraphrasing Thich Nhat Hanh.) *** Just that intention to hold ourselves with Radical Compassion, however we feel or whatever we have been twisted into believing about ourselves down where no one can see, will change everything about how we define ourselves and our worlds. I think posting about our own processes is helpful, but I don't know that the kind of self exposure I have engaged in is necessary for everyone. I do feel it was necessary for me. There would have been no other way to address the shame in it without re-traumatizing myself. I think that is true. Protect yourself first, Nomad. Protect your anonymity, cherish your privacy, and determine to heal. The results are amazing. *** Right now, I am having a look at what fuels perfectionism. At the core of it, for me, is that concept of external (versus internal) locus of control. Perfectionism seems to be when we have identified so completely with the abuser that we monitor our imperfection continually. Because I do that, I always fall short of expectation. I could never not fall short, because I slide in and raise the expectation bar right into the realm of accusations of arrogance. Or I condemn myself mercilessly based not on performance, but on outcome. Either way, I am condemned. Either as inept, or as arrogant. I need to learn (I am learning) to balance both sets of expectations through employing the concept of Radical Compassion. Prior to the work we've done here, the filter was not compassion, but ~ I don't know. Some feeling having to do with my mother's eyes. *** I like this idea, Nomad. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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