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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 684516" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The loss of a parent is one of those thresholds we cross in life, isn't it? I am sorry it was so awful. My dad passed three years ago after a six year battle with several illnesses, it was a very rough time in my life, especially coupled with dealing with d c issues.</p><p></p><p>Having a narcissistic father.... Ouch. What a terrible thing to go through Nomad. This must have caused a lot of mixed feelings. My Dad had his issues, very stoic and quiet, but for the most part I am thankful for the things he taught me.</p><p>A child should feel loved, safe and secure. I am sorry. Plus illness. You had a difficult life my friend. Narcissism is complex. There are quite a number of threads discussing it here on FOO....others issues with dealing with parents, comments about it as well as a number of informative articles. You may want to look at some of those older threads. That is harsh Nomad. Did the challenges manifest early on or later? Whatever the case may be, I am sure you did the best you could as a loving mom. Life does have a way of throwing obstacles at some more than others it seems. I often say "Lord, you must think I am stronger than I feel." We have had our fair share with hubs health issues, two d cs and grands in the mix. Yes, I know this feeling. My close workmates are pretty astounded at the challenges I have had and have. It is an ongoing series of events........What can we do but take one day at a time and trudge on through. "There by the grace of God go I"........I know that there are many people who have faced far worse and come through. It was here on FOO that Copa introduced Viktor Frankl, and Cedar wrote of finding mentors to guide us such as Maya Angelou. I was helped tremendously by reviewing quotes and Ted talks from YouTube, focusing on ways to build up, explore different perspectives and carry on.</p><p> Post when you can, whatever comes to mind. Nothing is trivial if it surfaces. Sometimes the memories come in bits and spurts. Some were familiar, others surprising.</p><p> One of the biggest questions we looked at was if our memories were real or not. Cedar often asked "Who is the liar" and for me that has to do with measuring how we feel, what we remember, versus how we were raised, the trauma of it, the reactions of family members, in the past or present, and a whole slate of questions that come up in the process. Oh dear, Cedar has a much better way of explaining things.....</p><p> Legal issues, oh my. There are some unscrupulous folks out there. You don't need to go into detail, but do let us know how you are managing. I am sorry, Nomad.</p><p> Oh dear. Yes, ongoing health problems can be discouraging and difficult. I hope it is resolved with the treatments. Sometimes that is harder than the illness.......</p><p> There is so much information about the ill effect of stress on the body. How much more so for a child growing up in a harsh setting with no where to turn? So young, having to develop ways to cope. I have read a lot about childhood trauma, hubs father was extremely abusive to his wife and family. Children in this situation cope by "numbing", it is survival. So, what happens is, the events are stuffed down, most are not processed, but find ways to surface.</p><p>I believe we are greatly influenced by our FOO. It is a part of us, every experience, good or not so good. It's like listening to an old song and suddenly we are brought back to the time and place we remember hearing it.</p><p>I think we are subconsciously reviewing all facets of our lives.</p><p>It is tapestry intricately woven, so many colorful threads of memories, some readily visualized, others, hidden. When painful memories come up, it is up to us to either choose to work through them or not. It is not easy, questions open up more questions. We cannot turn back the hands of time, but we can review our past, walk through it and learn more about ourselves. It opens up a whole new perspective, allowing us to look at ourselves through our own eyes, instead of the eyes of our abuser. We were taught things about ourselves that were not true. What could we do when we were little children but try our best to survive it? If we grew up thinking a certain way about ourselves, those labels are still with us and effect how we feel about ourselves and how we deal with life.</p><p>Now, as adults we can look back and guide our child selves through those storms of the past that were stuffed down, review incidences and rebuke those lies. That is the freeing part.</p><p>When folks respond, they become our witnesses.</p><p>That is how it worked for me. After so many years of knowing things weren't quite right in my childhood, never having the chance to really delve into it, then working at it here on FOO, I was able to process so much that had been there cycling and surfacing and effecting my life and how I felt about myself...........</p><p>When the spirit moves you, post away. I will look for your threads. It may take some time for me to respond, hubs is still in the hospital. But I will when I am able.</p><p>I do hope that those reading along who have the inclination will join in. I think that is what worked so well, having a group dedicated to the effort.</p><p>We all held each other's hearts and hands......for that, I am eternally grateful.</p><p>I will be here for you Nomad. </p><p>(((hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 684516, member: 19522"] The loss of a parent is one of those thresholds we cross in life, isn't it? I am sorry it was so awful. My dad passed three years ago after a six year battle with several illnesses, it was a very rough time in my life, especially coupled with dealing with d c issues. Having a narcissistic father.... Ouch. What a terrible thing to go through Nomad. This must have caused a lot of mixed feelings. My Dad had his issues, very stoic and quiet, but for the most part I am thankful for the things he taught me. A child should feel loved, safe and secure. I am sorry. Plus illness. You had a difficult life my friend. Narcissism is complex. There are quite a number of threads discussing it here on FOO....others issues with dealing with parents, comments about it as well as a number of informative articles. You may want to look at some of those older threads. That is harsh Nomad. Did the challenges manifest early on or later? Whatever the case may be, I am sure you did the best you could as a loving mom. Life does have a way of throwing obstacles at some more than others it seems. I often say "Lord, you must think I am stronger than I feel." We have had our fair share with hubs health issues, two d cs and grands in the mix. Yes, I know this feeling. My close workmates are pretty astounded at the challenges I have had and have. It is an ongoing series of events........What can we do but take one day at a time and trudge on through. "There by the grace of God go I"........I know that there are many people who have faced far worse and come through. It was here on FOO that Copa introduced Viktor Frankl, and Cedar wrote of finding mentors to guide us such as Maya Angelou. I was helped tremendously by reviewing quotes and Ted talks from YouTube, focusing on ways to build up, explore different perspectives and carry on. Post when you can, whatever comes to mind. Nothing is trivial if it surfaces. Sometimes the memories come in bits and spurts. Some were familiar, others surprising. One of the biggest questions we looked at was if our memories were real or not. Cedar often asked "Who is the liar" and for me that has to do with measuring how we feel, what we remember, versus how we were raised, the trauma of it, the reactions of family members, in the past or present, and a whole slate of questions that come up in the process. Oh dear, Cedar has a much better way of explaining things..... Legal issues, oh my. There are some unscrupulous folks out there. You don't need to go into detail, but do let us know how you are managing. I am sorry, Nomad. Oh dear. Yes, ongoing health problems can be discouraging and difficult. I hope it is resolved with the treatments. Sometimes that is harder than the illness....... There is so much information about the ill effect of stress on the body. How much more so for a child growing up in a harsh setting with no where to turn? So young, having to develop ways to cope. I have read a lot about childhood trauma, hubs father was extremely abusive to his wife and family. Children in this situation cope by "numbing", it is survival. So, what happens is, the events are stuffed down, most are not processed, but find ways to surface. I believe we are greatly influenced by our FOO. It is a part of us, every experience, good or not so good. It's like listening to an old song and suddenly we are brought back to the time and place we remember hearing it. I think we are subconsciously reviewing all facets of our lives. It is tapestry intricately woven, so many colorful threads of memories, some readily visualized, others, hidden. When painful memories come up, it is up to us to either choose to work through them or not. It is not easy, questions open up more questions. We cannot turn back the hands of time, but we can review our past, walk through it and learn more about ourselves. It opens up a whole new perspective, allowing us to look at ourselves through our own eyes, instead of the eyes of our abuser. We were taught things about ourselves that were not true. What could we do when we were little children but try our best to survive it? If we grew up thinking a certain way about ourselves, those labels are still with us and effect how we feel about ourselves and how we deal with life. Now, as adults we can look back and guide our child selves through those storms of the past that were stuffed down, review incidences and rebuke those lies. That is the freeing part. When folks respond, they become our witnesses. That is how it worked for me. After so many years of knowing things weren't quite right in my childhood, never having the chance to really delve into it, then working at it here on FOO, I was able to process so much that had been there cycling and surfacing and effecting my life and how I felt about myself........... When the spirit moves you, post away. I will look for your threads. It may take some time for me to respond, hubs is still in the hospital. But I will when I am able. I do hope that those reading along who have the inclination will join in. I think that is what worked so well, having a group dedicated to the effort. We all held each other's hearts and hands......for that, I am eternally grateful. I will be here for you Nomad. (((hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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