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Money lost...trust broken
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 726405" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You tell the credit card company or the bank that you did not authorize the charge. They should investigate and you should be able to get your money back. You probably will have to tell them your son did it. He is a minor and under the care of a psychiatrist and psychologist, so it is a mental health issue. He hasn't done it before, so he probably won't get serious consequences from them.</p><p></p><p>He desperately NEEDS serious natural and logical consequences from you. These should include removing the game and all games from him for quite some period of time. He should have extra chores to do in this time to at least try to work off some of his debt. Yes, I know he cannot earn that money back. But he can at least pay it off with hard work to Mom and Dad. He can do yard work or wash the car or scrub the floors or any tedious chore you can think of.</p><p></p><p>He NEEDS time away from gaming of any kind. This should be at least part of his consequences. When you cannot win so you steal to get more stuff so you can win, you are telling your parents something.</p><p></p><p>You are saying that you will lie, cheat and steal to win at this game. This game is important enough to make you break the law. Your son said, "Mom, winning this game is important enough to me that I will commit a felony against you to do this."</p><p></p><p>My son was VERY similar to yours when he was 14. Well, mine was violent also. So I know how hard this is. I am not telling you things I would not do, and did not do, with my own son.</p><p></p><p>This will sound extreme, but it is what I would do. I would take all electronics away from your son. I would also take most privileges that involve being out of your sight, or the sight of people you trust, away from him. He needs to EARN the right to be trusted to be alone away from home. What if he took a credit card from someone else? Then he might actually be facing felony charges and you wouldn't be able to do much to help him. Think about how awful you would feel then. </p><p></p><p>Lock up his electronics where he cannot get them. I probably would even take the home computer and the tv away. Not sure I would move them, but I would find a way to lock them down so he couldn't get into them. </p><p></p><p>The first week or 10 days will be very rough. He will be angry with you and probably say nasty things. Don't give in or he will just continue his bad behavior. Keep all of the electronics away. After that he should settle down. His imagination and ability to entertain himself will start to come back slowly. I usually gave electronics back sometime 3-6 weeks after I took them away. It always seemed to happen that way for us. I think you would need to be at the 6 week mark or later, given how much he has stolen from you.</p><p></p><p>Hard work is important during the time he is not watching tv or playing video games. He needs chores to do so that he can do something to repay you for the money he stole and the chaos and conflama you are having to endure. </p><p></p><p>If you decide not to do this, I can understand. He does need very strong consequences. Maybe selling his game system and all his games to help him pay back the money he stole would be a good consequence? It is natural and logical? You can see how much it would fetch at the pawn shop and go from there. You can also have him do all those little chores that you haven't wanted to do up to now. </p><p></p><p>For other ideas on how to handle this, you might want to read, "Parenting Teens With Love and Logic" which can be ordered from amazon or from Love & Logic ( <a href="https://www.loveandlogic.com/parents?cat=62" target="_blank">Parenting Books, DVDs & Packages | Love & Logic®</a> )</p><p></p><p>Whatever you decide to do, none of us will be upset that you didn't take our advice. We know that you have to do what you feel is right for your family. We can only give you ideas based on what our experiences have been. We know you cannot follow every idea or else you would be incredibly confused! Take what is useful to you, mix it with your own ideas and instincts, and hopefully it will work out very well for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 726405, member: 1233"] You tell the credit card company or the bank that you did not authorize the charge. They should investigate and you should be able to get your money back. You probably will have to tell them your son did it. He is a minor and under the care of a psychiatrist and psychologist, so it is a mental health issue. He hasn't done it before, so he probably won't get serious consequences from them. He desperately NEEDS serious natural and logical consequences from you. These should include removing the game and all games from him for quite some period of time. He should have extra chores to do in this time to at least try to work off some of his debt. Yes, I know he cannot earn that money back. But he can at least pay it off with hard work to Mom and Dad. He can do yard work or wash the car or scrub the floors or any tedious chore you can think of. He NEEDS time away from gaming of any kind. This should be at least part of his consequences. When you cannot win so you steal to get more stuff so you can win, you are telling your parents something. You are saying that you will lie, cheat and steal to win at this game. This game is important enough to make you break the law. Your son said, "Mom, winning this game is important enough to me that I will commit a felony against you to do this." My son was VERY similar to yours when he was 14. Well, mine was violent also. So I know how hard this is. I am not telling you things I would not do, and did not do, with my own son. This will sound extreme, but it is what I would do. I would take all electronics away from your son. I would also take most privileges that involve being out of your sight, or the sight of people you trust, away from him. He needs to EARN the right to be trusted to be alone away from home. What if he took a credit card from someone else? Then he might actually be facing felony charges and you wouldn't be able to do much to help him. Think about how awful you would feel then. Lock up his electronics where he cannot get them. I probably would even take the home computer and the tv away. Not sure I would move them, but I would find a way to lock them down so he couldn't get into them. The first week or 10 days will be very rough. He will be angry with you and probably say nasty things. Don't give in or he will just continue his bad behavior. Keep all of the electronics away. After that he should settle down. His imagination and ability to entertain himself will start to come back slowly. I usually gave electronics back sometime 3-6 weeks after I took them away. It always seemed to happen that way for us. I think you would need to be at the 6 week mark or later, given how much he has stolen from you. Hard work is important during the time he is not watching tv or playing video games. He needs chores to do so that he can do something to repay you for the money he stole and the chaos and conflama you are having to endure. If you decide not to do this, I can understand. He does need very strong consequences. Maybe selling his game system and all his games to help him pay back the money he stole would be a good consequence? It is natural and logical? You can see how much it would fetch at the pawn shop and go from there. You can also have him do all those little chores that you haven't wanted to do up to now. For other ideas on how to handle this, you might want to read, "Parenting Teens With Love and Logic" which can be ordered from amazon or from Love & Logic ( [URL="https://www.loveandlogic.com/parents?cat=62"]Parenting Books, DVDs & Packages | Love & Logic®[/URL] ) Whatever you decide to do, none of us will be upset that you didn't take our advice. We know that you have to do what you feel is right for your family. We can only give you ideas based on what our experiences have been. We know you cannot follow every idea or else you would be incredibly confused! Take what is useful to you, mix it with your own ideas and instincts, and hopefully it will work out very well for your family. [/QUOTE]
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