I find myself tortured lately with my new found strength. I have found so much comfort and support in your messages and in your stories and responses to each other. My difficult child is about 1000 miles away and has changed his tune over the last week with no cussing but we have had little contact. I told him no more cash on Sunday and of course I haven't heard from him since then. I suggested churches for food and remember he has a rental, heat and electricity. Even internet provided by his enabling mother. I am working on this. Now he had his breakdown a couple weeks back and said he gave all his food stamps to the homeless since he didn't think he was going to live. Since he hadn't contacted me in the many other ways he could of and I was feeling tortured, I unblocked his number from my phone. I just need to know he is alive, I want to believe he is getting help but how would I know. No more than 5 minutes after I unblocked his number my phone rang. it was him. I asked him how he was, he said he had taken some of my advice and went to the church I suggested and another one for some food. He said it wasn't much but it was bread, beans, peaches, etc. Than he said, can I get just a couple of dollars for some smokes? I hemmed, and hawed, (not sure if that is how you spell it) and said well $10 be enough and I didn't know as husband would have to be consulted. I don't want things to blow up so this was my excuse. We talk a little more, actually I talked about random things for about 2 minutes and then I realized I was talking to myself as he had disconnected. I used to send an allowance of about $100 a week but when he got food stamps I decided to cut that back to about $20, very recently. Now since he blew up at me and it seems to be related to every time I send money and he gets drunk, I said no more. I got a text right after this that said, and I could still use some money for food. He is being good but still not helping himself in any way that would change his life. My husband said no more money, at all. My heart is caught between two very stubborn rocks. How do you all deal with the money question?