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Money vs. Conversation with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Ca Mom Losing Hope" data-source="post: 623181" data-attributes="member: 17782"><p>Thanks MWM. It is a long story on why I have been sending him money. I think the honest short answer is that I just didn't want to deal with the guilt and abuse of "I am your child and you are my mom and you have to take care of me" or the yelling and throwing a scary tantrum, or even sometimes family telling me I should take care of him. He has done nothing with his life, didn't even graduate due to skipping school. I have to stop and I know I need help too so that I quit enabling my difficult child. Honestly, I have only been addressing my enabling for the last 2 weeks with the support of this group. I can tell you that thousands of dollars a year have been going to my difficult child, not all in cash, rent and utilities as well. He is 21 and will be 22 in June. He has abused me mentally, verbally, and very close to physically but has never laid a hand on me. He was a gang enforcer last time he lived here about 3 years ago and was dealing drugs. I tried to get him help but he refused, so once again, I kicked him out but paid for the housing of where he went. He is well over 6' and does scare me so I probably never let it happen to me by running as I know he has physically abused others. He tells me he just can't do it, make money himself that is. I sent the $10 just now, and yes I know I have no way of knowing what he is doing with it and I know smoking is bad, but it is a far cry from the money I have been sending. I will say no next time and hopefully the next time too. I really have been doing a lot better. I am not rich but I do make good money in the IT management field. I really don't have the money to spare and it should be building my retirement but like so many others on this board, I hurt when I know I am so much more comfortable than he is. These two weeks have been the toughest in my life. baby steps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ca Mom Losing Hope, post: 623181, member: 17782"] Thanks MWM. It is a long story on why I have been sending him money. I think the honest short answer is that I just didn't want to deal with the guilt and abuse of "I am your child and you are my mom and you have to take care of me" or the yelling and throwing a scary tantrum, or even sometimes family telling me I should take care of him. He has done nothing with his life, didn't even graduate due to skipping school. I have to stop and I know I need help too so that I quit enabling my difficult child. Honestly, I have only been addressing my enabling for the last 2 weeks with the support of this group. I can tell you that thousands of dollars a year have been going to my difficult child, not all in cash, rent and utilities as well. He is 21 and will be 22 in June. He has abused me mentally, verbally, and very close to physically but has never laid a hand on me. He was a gang enforcer last time he lived here about 3 years ago and was dealing drugs. I tried to get him help but he refused, so once again, I kicked him out but paid for the housing of where he went. He is well over 6' and does scare me so I probably never let it happen to me by running as I know he has physically abused others. He tells me he just can't do it, make money himself that is. I sent the $10 just now, and yes I know I have no way of knowing what he is doing with it and I know smoking is bad, but it is a far cry from the money I have been sending. I will say no next time and hopefully the next time too. I really have been doing a lot better. I am not rich but I do make good money in the IT management field. I really don't have the money to spare and it should be building my retirement but like so many others on this board, I hurt when I know I am so much more comfortable than he is. These two weeks have been the toughest in my life. baby steps. [/QUOTE]
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