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Money vs. Conversation with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623194" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Ca Mom, I don't give my son any money anymore. I used to give him all kinds of money, and when he went to rehab last summer, I even bought him two cartons of cigarettes when I took him to rehab. Looking back, I want to kick myself for ever having done that but the rehab folks said smoking was such a non-concern at that point, and I bought that, even though I don't want him to smoke and don't want to be a part of helping him smoke. I wish I had not done that, but I did.</p><p></p><p>I have done many many things to help him over the past six or seven years, until I finally listened to other people much wiser than I was, and stopped the flow of money. That is what I believe has to happen in order for our adult children to realize there is no free ride in this world. Everybody has to be responsible for themselves and be a contributing member of society unless they are completely unable to do so. I don't believe that is the case with my son.</p><p></p><p>The other day I bought him a pack of socks. He didn't have any socks, and I wanted to do that, so I did. That was my choice.</p><p></p><p>He is homeless, he has no job and he has no money today. He is able to eat three meals a day, take a shower, wash his clothes and walk around town. Every night he has to find a place to sleep. Why doesn't he stay in a shelter that is available or make arrangements for a halfway house? I don't know. Those are two pathways available to him, and every time I see him for about 10 minutes a week, he says he is doing to do that. Tomorrow. Or the day after. But 40 days have passed, and that hasn't happened. </p><p></p><p>So he is making choices, Ca Mom. He is choosing to be homeless when other options are available. So I conclude that being homeless must not be as bad as I would think that it is. He isn't sick and tired enough of his situation. Until he is, I would suggest that little will change.</p><p></p><p>I am staying out of the way. I am minding my own business. He is a grown man. If this is the life he chooses, then okay. I love him very much, I am not mad at him and I want everything good for him. He is a good person. He can make different choices, if he wants to. </p><p></p><p>Im not trying to make any of this sound easy because it is not. I have struggled with myself and what to do, what not to do, for years and years regarding my son. Today, I believe I am doing the right thing, the only thing that gives him room and space and a real chance for him to find out who he is, what he is capable of, and to build some self-respect. I hope and pray that he does it.</p><p></p><p>You can only do what you are ready to do, Ca mom. If you are ready for something different, there is a lot of good information about tools, and working on yourself, and getting some kindness and happiness and peace in your life. </p><p></p><p>blessings and hugs to you tonight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623194, member: 17542"] Hi Ca Mom, I don't give my son any money anymore. I used to give him all kinds of money, and when he went to rehab last summer, I even bought him two cartons of cigarettes when I took him to rehab. Looking back, I want to kick myself for ever having done that but the rehab folks said smoking was such a non-concern at that point, and I bought that, even though I don't want him to smoke and don't want to be a part of helping him smoke. I wish I had not done that, but I did. I have done many many things to help him over the past six or seven years, until I finally listened to other people much wiser than I was, and stopped the flow of money. That is what I believe has to happen in order for our adult children to realize there is no free ride in this world. Everybody has to be responsible for themselves and be a contributing member of society unless they are completely unable to do so. I don't believe that is the case with my son. The other day I bought him a pack of socks. He didn't have any socks, and I wanted to do that, so I did. That was my choice. He is homeless, he has no job and he has no money today. He is able to eat three meals a day, take a shower, wash his clothes and walk around town. Every night he has to find a place to sleep. Why doesn't he stay in a shelter that is available or make arrangements for a halfway house? I don't know. Those are two pathways available to him, and every time I see him for about 10 minutes a week, he says he is doing to do that. Tomorrow. Or the day after. But 40 days have passed, and that hasn't happened. So he is making choices, Ca Mom. He is choosing to be homeless when other options are available. So I conclude that being homeless must not be as bad as I would think that it is. He isn't sick and tired enough of his situation. Until he is, I would suggest that little will change. I am staying out of the way. I am minding my own business. He is a grown man. If this is the life he chooses, then okay. I love him very much, I am not mad at him and I want everything good for him. He is a good person. He can make different choices, if he wants to. Im not trying to make any of this sound easy because it is not. I have struggled with myself and what to do, what not to do, for years and years regarding my son. Today, I believe I am doing the right thing, the only thing that gives him room and space and a real chance for him to find out who he is, what he is capable of, and to build some self-respect. I hope and pray that he does it. You can only do what you are ready to do, Ca mom. If you are ready for something different, there is a lot of good information about tools, and working on yourself, and getting some kindness and happiness and peace in your life. blessings and hugs to you tonight. [/QUOTE]
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