Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Suz, Nov 13, 2009.

  1. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    How fun to see your name again. How about an update? Your signature info about Nate is fabulous!

  2. moonglow

    moonglow New Member

    Hey star...sorry I didn't see this sooner..been busy and spent the first part of the week fighting a really bad virus that got on my computer...:( And my garage door broke too! the spring broke right when we were about to leaven Sunday evening for me to take Nate to youth group and me to small group...ugh. Luckily it was fixed the next day. :)

    Right now I am pretty irritated with Nate so it will be hard to post a positive post about him..lol. He is going to be turning 14 this December...pretty amazing isn't it? I think I started posting on here when he was three...either three or four years old. How time flies uh? Though it didn't seem like it! Personally I think its taken FOREVER for him to get to this age. I keep asking him if he shouldn't be thirty by now ...hahahaha.

    Right now I think part of my irritation comes from us being around each other too much without a break for months now. We are just getting on each others nerves really bad...a night at grandma's would help alot but she is out of town..maybe next weekend. Also Nate has been having problems getting to sleep for a couple of weeks now and that is making him a real grouch at times. We saw his psychiatrist last week and she said to give him two melatonin at night for two weeks to try to get his sleep cycle straightened out. If that doesn't help then she might have to increase his buspar.

    Over all though he is doing really well. He got off of disability about a year and a half ago because he was doing so well. Recently he was was dismissed from needing an IEP anymore due to his scores being so high..:) That is really, really good news too! He started out so far behind other kids in first grade (actually his second trip through first grade) due to a learning disability in reading and spelling. Thanks to having such a great Learning Disability (LD) teacher then, he was able to really catch up quickly. School though was very hard for him in those early years. Alot of tears at bedtime because he knew he wasn't doing as well as his classmates. His last report card he had all A and one B+ without extra help. :) So I am very, very proud of him in that of course. :)

    Oh and he finally started sleeping in his own bedroom during Christmas break last year. I am so, so thankful for that. It was very difficult having him sleeping on a mat on the floor in my room for so many years. Like on weekends I always wake up before him...I couldn't go back into my room until he got up to get dressed. Trying to step over him to get out the bedroom door was no easy task either. I, through the help of God giving me some insight, figured out what was causing the horrible, terrifying nightmare...and once I explained it to him the nightmares pretty much stopped! But still it took him a long time to feel safe enough to sleep in his own room (thanks to his stupid abusive dad..:()

    Speaking of his dad..he is due to get out of prison in 2012 and while that is still three years away, he is already writing letters (again) trying to pressure Nate into 'getting to know him again' but visiting him in prison. Really ticks me off too. The manipulative letters had gotten better over the years so I thought...maybe...maybe he has finally realized what a jerk he is..but its all starting up again. :( Nate is refusing to read his letters, which frankly is a good thing. I didn't even tell him about this last one cause it was SO manipulative. grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I dread the day ex gets out..he will come straight over here...he knows where we live...unbelievable he still has friends on the outside that have helped him find out this information...used to have one man spying on us actually. ugh.

    Anyway I better get off of here..Nate finally woke up and hopefully got plenty of sleep and won't be so grumby today...

    Nice seeing you again Suz!

  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Julie, from ex's past behavior and the fact that he's in prison, can you get a restraining order against him so he can't come by or see Nate once he's released?

  4. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Moonglow Julie, it truly is a thrill to see you writing here again. I understand your worry about your ex. Legally is there anything you can do to stop him having contact with Nate? Laws are so different from country to country so I won't offer any advice! Just send you a kiss and a hug and say it is lovely to "see" you both.

    Love, Esther
  5. moonglow

    moonglow New Member

    I don't know yet...haven't checked into anything yet on it...after all its not for another three years. I realize its way early for me to worry about this but his letter kind of set it off..:( I think anymore letters I am going to just put away without reading them at all. Cause the last thing I need to do is be worrying about something for three years! I really don't want to waste my life like that...

    But I will keep your suggestions in mind..thanks.

  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Julie, I don't know you and I'm not really familiar with your story, but this struck a chord with me.

    If you are planning on getting a restraining order against your ex, now might be a good time to start researching and start amassing whatever information and documentation you will need.

    My difficult child's egg-donor has been deemed a danger to him, but it took us 2 years to get the court order in place that forbids her to have any contact with him or to know his whereabouts. And I had far too many incidents of calling 911 to have her hauled away by the police for manhandling difficult child before the court order came down.

    You have 3 years of quiet in which to put things in place. Better to start now and ensure that Nate is protected before your ex gets out, than to have to scramble to protect him afterward.

    Glad to hear that Nate is doing so well!

  7. moonglow

    moonglow New Member

    Thanks for the heads up on this. Nate will be almost 17 when ex gets out...not a little kid anymore and more then likely will be taller, bigger and stronger then his fast aging dad. I think all those years of doing drug, drinking and smoking caught up with him...plus I have always heard prison ages a person too. I don't think ex would want to physically hurt Nate...not at all. In his own twisted way, he does care about him and inspite of being in prison all these years hasn't just given up on wanting a relationship with him. Nate will be old enough to not have to endure any **** from his dad either...no longer a helpless little child his dad can leave all alone in his house for who knows how long...and no longer would Nate have to sit and watch his dad drink either and endure his verbal abuse.

    I have alot to think about before then I realize. I think he will be old enough to refuse to go see him if he doesn't want too. My concern though is ex will of course blame me saying I turned Nate against him...when ex did that all by himself actually..

    If ex tries to take me to court to force Nate to see him on visitations..all I have to do is get his therapist to come and testify on Nate's behalf. And I can't image a judge trying to force a 17 year old to do visitations anyway. But crazier things have happened in a court of law..but like I said I think years of medication and therapy ought to speak on Nate's behalf in that him being with his dad can't be a good thing at all.

    I am sorry you had to go through this with your ex...sound horrible. Glad your child is safe now though.