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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687567" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>When my daughter used we stopped giving her a dime, although she started at 12. Anything she needed for school, we bought. She packed sack lunches for school . At sixteen she got a part time job evenings and weekends and although I'm positive she used the money on drugs, at least it was her money, not mine. She also did learn a lot about working and did buy herself some clothes and cosmetics. By age sixteen, when she worked, we had started buying her only bare necessities. She still used drugs, but we didn't help her. So I'm on the no money bandwagon. Even while on meth, she at least worked and got through Cometology School (her friends told the Dean she was using drugs and he called us...but it was her own loan and we sort of believed her when she Saud the girls lied to the Dean).</p><p>After she was told to leave, she got her brother in another state to let her stay in his basement. She had no money so she got another job, walking back and forth in Chicaos winter. Brother insisted she work.</p><p>Shortly after she moved in with brother, she quit. No rehab. She even quit cigarettes. She says that she got tired of the drug life. It was too hard. She has been twelve years sober.</p><p>I cried buckets the night I made her leave. I thought she'd be homeless. I didn't know her straight arrow brother had agreed to come get her, and let her stay with him under Herculean rules that were even stricter than ours. She yelled as she left that she'd hate me forever. She wouldn't talk to me for a few weeks. Killed me.</p><p>But she quit.</p><p>She is now twelve years sober and refuses to let anyone smoke a cigarette in her house.</p><p>She quit at about age nineteen or twenty.</p><p>"It was too hard."</p><p>Nobody helped her use. We were not sure we were doing the right thing. She insists we did exactly the right thing.</p><p>Paying rent is a personal decision. I don't think it works. On this board for fifteen years, I can't remember any adult child taking advantage of free rent to turn his/her life around. The more they are given, in my opinion the less they grow up. The more favors we do, the more they depend on us while other adults their ages are working, marrying, raising kids, buying homes, not on the phone asking for food money.</p><p>I don't judge anything that anyone does. I just share what worked for me. I hold hands with all the brave mothers on this board. I send prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687567, member: 1550"] When my daughter used we stopped giving her a dime, although she started at 12. Anything she needed for school, we bought. She packed sack lunches for school . At sixteen she got a part time job evenings and weekends and although I'm positive she used the money on drugs, at least it was her money, not mine. She also did learn a lot about working and did buy herself some clothes and cosmetics. By age sixteen, when she worked, we had started buying her only bare necessities. She still used drugs, but we didn't help her. So I'm on the no money bandwagon. Even while on meth, she at least worked and got through Cometology School (her friends told the Dean she was using drugs and he called us...but it was her own loan and we sort of believed her when she Saud the girls lied to the Dean). After she was told to leave, she got her brother in another state to let her stay in his basement. She had no money so she got another job, walking back and forth in Chicaos winter. Brother insisted she work. Shortly after she moved in with brother, she quit. No rehab. She even quit cigarettes. She says that she got tired of the drug life. It was too hard. She has been twelve years sober. I cried buckets the night I made her leave. I thought she'd be homeless. I didn't know her straight arrow brother had agreed to come get her, and let her stay with him under Herculean rules that were even stricter than ours. She yelled as she left that she'd hate me forever. She wouldn't talk to me for a few weeks. Killed me. But she quit. She is now twelve years sober and refuses to let anyone smoke a cigarette in her house. She quit at about age nineteen or twenty. "It was too hard." Nobody helped her use. We were not sure we were doing the right thing. She insists we did exactly the right thing. Paying rent is a personal decision. I don't think it works. On this board for fifteen years, I can't remember any adult child taking advantage of free rent to turn his/her life around. The more they are given, in my opinion the less they grow up. The more favors we do, the more they depend on us while other adults their ages are working, marrying, raising kids, buying homes, not on the phone asking for food money. I don't judge anything that anyone does. I just share what worked for me. I hold hands with all the brave mothers on this board. I send prayers. [/QUOTE]
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