Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
More ugh....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687603" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Good.</p><p>I feel certain that my son going homeless was a serious factor in his motivation to change. That was when he realized his choices determined his welfare. He skiddadled out of a City where it was dangerous to be homeless to a series of counties less densely populated. Until he realized that he hated it. Hated the streets.</p><p></p><p>And guess what? He decided to treat us better. Decided to conform to an extent. And then more and more.</p><p></p><p>I believe going homeless was ice water in my son's face.</p><p></p><p>The next ice water blast was when I would hardly talk to him, if he wanted to impose his beliefs on me.</p><p></p><p>The more there are consequences, the more they are able to grow. My son is on SSI for mental illness. That means that some people think he is seriously mentally ill--to the extent that he cannot work. Even still, he had to experience consequences to recognize he could make choices to change his environment and if he acted in certain ways he would motivate other people to cooperate with him.</p><p></p><p>Nearly every single time we respond with a reasonable and logical consequence, or impose a boundary, he responds constructively. Not one hundred percent but more or less.</p><p></p><p>It took 4 plus years in the wilderness alone for him to decide to work with us. I suffered along with him, but not as much as he did. It takes that kind of reversal--for them to get that they are the ones to suffer--not us, for them to recognize the locus of control is in them. Not us.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing it with an analogy of awakening nerve tissue that has been traumatized. Sometimes the nerves have to be stimulated in order to remember that they work.</p><p></p><p>Or remember Helen Keller in the movie? When Anne Bancroft was teaching her to associate her senses with word meanings? That is what we are doing here too. Allowing our children to see that they can operate themselves and their world without their mothers and fathers doing it for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687603, member: 18958"] Good. I feel certain that my son going homeless was a serious factor in his motivation to change. That was when he realized his choices determined his welfare. He skiddadled out of a City where it was dangerous to be homeless to a series of counties less densely populated. Until he realized that he hated it. Hated the streets. And guess what? He decided to treat us better. Decided to conform to an extent. And then more and more. I believe going homeless was ice water in my son's face. The next ice water blast was when I would hardly talk to him, if he wanted to impose his beliefs on me. The more there are consequences, the more they are able to grow. My son is on SSI for mental illness. That means that some people think he is seriously mentally ill--to the extent that he cannot work. Even still, he had to experience consequences to recognize he could make choices to change his environment and if he acted in certain ways he would motivate other people to cooperate with him. Nearly every single time we respond with a reasonable and logical consequence, or impose a boundary, he responds constructively. Not one hundred percent but more or less. It took 4 plus years in the wilderness alone for him to decide to work with us. I suffered along with him, but not as much as he did. It takes that kind of reversal--for them to get that they are the ones to suffer--not us, for them to recognize the locus of control is in them. Not us. I am seeing it with an analogy of awakening nerve tissue that has been traumatized. Sometimes the nerves have to be stimulated in order to remember that they work. Or remember Helen Keller in the movie? When Anne Bancroft was teaching her to associate her senses with word meanings? That is what we are doing here too. Allowing our children to see that they can operate themselves and their world without their mothers and fathers doing it for them. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
More ugh....
Top