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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 665960" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Doesn't really sound like voluntary and chosen behaviour and because of that incentives, consequences etc. are not likely to work.</p><p></p><p>If you want a kid jump over the house, it is not likely to happen despite how well you state your expectations, give incentives, prompts and consequences. If it can't be done, it can't be done.</p><p></p><p>There doesn't seem to be much for your son to gain from thios behaviour and your attempts to change this behaviour with incentives and consequences do not seem to help, so it is quite safe to assume, that this is not something he chooses voluntarily.</p><p></p><p>If it is not voluntary, to change it, you have to figure out what could cause it. When does it start, could you change those things? Or could you interrupt him getting over the line where there is no control if you could figure out when and how to interrupt the whole thing.</p><p></p><p>Try to first write out everything that happens during these difficult mornings. Try to make a chart of his mood and behaviour during the morning.For example does he wake up kicking and screaming or does it ramp up through the morning? That way you could possibly find those points where you still can intervene and help him to have a better morning.</p><p></p><p>Things I would consider:</p><p>-How much and how well does he sleep?</p><p>-How does he wake up? On his own, with an alarm clock or do you wake him up?</p><p>-How is he at the moment he opens his eyes?</p><p>-Does he eat anything and at what point? (Blood sugar can be huge issue with moods.)</p><p>-Does anything change if something changes? For example with my younger, untroubled kid, I had to wake him up like a toddler for much longer than I think is common. As a toddler he often woke up crying and needed five minutes waking up on my lap in rocking chair with me petting him to start his morning with the right foot. It was around your son's age when I didn't any more need to wake him up by petting his back couple of minutes, while he was slowly waking up to have a good morning. Now at 19 those wake-up light alarm clocks help him to wake up in better mood. Kids are different, just because someone says that in certain age they are supposed to this or that doesn't mean they are able.</p><p>-Try to pin-point those key points when things start to get worse and try something different to avoid it.</p><p>-Is it a same at weekends or only school days? If not, what is different?</p><p></p><p>School anxiety can certainly be a factor, but of course often that would also show when trying to get into sleep. How does he feel himself? Why he feels he is so upset at mornings and does he have any ideas how things could get better? Having very calm talks with him about it when he is feeling good, and make sure to mainly listen and not show any judgement, can give you a lot of insight and help you figure out how you could help him.</p><p></p><p>I have to say that first thing I would give a try, if you haven't yet, would be waking him up half an hour before his waking up time with offering a juice- or milkbox straw to his mouth and then letting him sleep that half an hour before waking him up again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 665960, member: 14557"] Doesn't really sound like voluntary and chosen behaviour and because of that incentives, consequences etc. are not likely to work. If you want a kid jump over the house, it is not likely to happen despite how well you state your expectations, give incentives, prompts and consequences. If it can't be done, it can't be done. There doesn't seem to be much for your son to gain from thios behaviour and your attempts to change this behaviour with incentives and consequences do not seem to help, so it is quite safe to assume, that this is not something he chooses voluntarily. If it is not voluntary, to change it, you have to figure out what could cause it. When does it start, could you change those things? Or could you interrupt him getting over the line where there is no control if you could figure out when and how to interrupt the whole thing. Try to first write out everything that happens during these difficult mornings. Try to make a chart of his mood and behaviour during the morning.For example does he wake up kicking and screaming or does it ramp up through the morning? That way you could possibly find those points where you still can intervene and help him to have a better morning. Things I would consider: -How much and how well does he sleep? -How does he wake up? On his own, with an alarm clock or do you wake him up? -How is he at the moment he opens his eyes? -Does he eat anything and at what point? (Blood sugar can be huge issue with moods.) -Does anything change if something changes? For example with my younger, untroubled kid, I had to wake him up like a toddler for much longer than I think is common. As a toddler he often woke up crying and needed five minutes waking up on my lap in rocking chair with me petting him to start his morning with the right foot. It was around your son's age when I didn't any more need to wake him up by petting his back couple of minutes, while he was slowly waking up to have a good morning. Now at 19 those wake-up light alarm clocks help him to wake up in better mood. Kids are different, just because someone says that in certain age they are supposed to this or that doesn't mean they are able. -Try to pin-point those key points when things start to get worse and try something different to avoid it. -Is it a same at weekends or only school days? If not, what is different? School anxiety can certainly be a factor, but of course often that would also show when trying to get into sleep. How does he feel himself? Why he feels he is so upset at mornings and does he have any ideas how things could get better? Having very calm talks with him about it when he is feeling good, and make sure to mainly listen and not show any judgement, can give you a lot of insight and help you figure out how you could help him. I have to say that first thing I would give a try, if you haven't yet, would be waking him up half an hour before his waking up time with offering a juice- or milkbox straw to his mouth and then letting him sleep that half an hour before waking him up again. [/QUOTE]
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