Morning update about us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2ODD, May 2, 2011.

  1. 2ODD

    2ODD New Member

    Good morning!

    Thought that I'd stop in for an update.

    The kids and I are back at home. My husband signed over the house to us and has moved in with his parents. He has finally started trying to learn about what's going on with L although he still doesn't quite "get it". That is going to take time. In the meantime, he has signed over parental rights to him to me and has agreed to only have contact with him in a theraputic session.

    L is starting to open up about his feelings toward his father. They are small verbal outbursts that are blurted out. He has said that he hates his dad because he lives the other kids more and has felt that way since he was 6.

    I am going to strike while the iron is hot and call today to get him in to a private therapist ASAP. Maybe, just maybe, we can make some progress.

    My husband has decided to go to counselling. It's something that he has fought for years. I think that by leaving, it made him open his eyes.

    The divorce papers are still in play and won't be removed unless I see constant progress in the situation. This is all so hard but I am trying to take it one day at a time.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sounds like progress. Cautious optimism perhaps. But keep your ace up your sleeve in case the current "I don't understand but I know I need to try" is just a front, an act to try to placate you. You don't want to go back to how it was, I know.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I agree with Marg, honey. All too often, it is a front. (In fact, BM did this to husband - twice - the third time he refused to give her another chance - and she has used the kids against him ever since.)

    Even if it is a front - and you end up divorced - there is still the possibility of your husband getting counseling, helping him too.

    Hugs - and good luck!!!
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    As the others have said, please be cautious. It is best to be guided not by what your husband is saying but by your dedication to your own welfare and that of your children. You must be strong and wise in relation to him, not weak and naive... people do not change overnight. Promising change because you want something or are afraid of something is not authentic change. If your husband truly does intend to work on his abusiveness, need to control and rages, I think you will KNOW when and if something in him has truly turned a corner and he has learned how to respect others and himself. Until then... beware, is my frank advice! And it would be very nice if I am wrong :)
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm relieved to hear from you and have my fingers crossed that you are in the "drivers's seat" and not being played. Your intelligence and devotion to the children come thru in every post. I assume that your attorney has prepared the documentation needed. Just know that we are all on your team. Hugs DDD
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    You sound so strong! Stay that way... {{{hugs}}} :)
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Glad to hear from you, also cautiously optimistic here. I hope he takes the therapy seriously and it helps him. I hope everyone is getting some counseling to help through this, whatever way it goes.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I think it sounds like great news. Him signing the house over to you and parental rights is HUGE. I'm sorry, it IS. I would be cautiously happy.....sounds liek he is definitely moving in the right direction.

    As for your son feeling like his dad doesn't like him as much as the other sibs - we have been down that road before, too. It's hard. These kids don't see how much of a strain they put on us. So, yes, when you are around your other children that do not cause strife, it is easier to be happier around them. I see how they could feel that way, but I don't think it can be helped much...just my daughter's presence changes the entire energy of a room in a negative way.