Hi. I am new to this site but I’ve been reading many of the posts over the past few days and can see so many similarities in my own situation. I have found a lot of strength in reading them and especially the replies about letting go. My son is 20, the problems started when he was around 16 and became “friends” with boys from school who previously bullied him. These boys have never been true friends to him and use him but he remains loyal to them. He also has ADHD and mild autism. He started using drugs at 16, first cannabis then cocaine and Valium. He would run up huge drug debts and sold anything he had of value. He would often intimidate me for money and smash things in the house if I didn’t give in. I’m ashamed to say that I gave in many times - sometimes believing him when he said he wanted to clear his debts and change and sometimes to avoid the huge dramas and having neighbours call the police or having holes punched in my doors. He would regularly steal from us and even stole my daughter’s jewellery - I’m again ashamed to say in those early stages I tried to protect him, thinking this was a phase, and bought things back instead of involving the police. Last December, I told him that he couldn’t live at home anymore if he continued to behave this way. I don’t think he believed me because I had said this before and never followed it up. However, I did involve the police the next time he smashed an ornament and became aggressive because I wouldn’t give him £60 for a debt, I took him to court and took out a restraining order that he could not come to our house but we could have contact with him. He lived in a young people’s hostel initially and the staff there told me they did not believe he would be able to maintain a tenancy because of his ADHD and mild autism. He did not pay rent, keep appointments or accept help. ( He can, however, organise to get drugs and always knows when to pay). He was put out of the hostel recently for various reasons including damage to property and had nowhere at all to live. It was minus 6 degrees that night and I paid for him to stay at a hotel - he was thrown out after 2 nights after taking a tv etc from another room. I again rescued him and put him in a bed and breakfast. He is currently living in a shared house with another man - ran for homeless by the local council. He hates it there and blames me for the situation he is in. Yesterday, we took him out for Christmas dinner which went really well - probably because his uncle was there and he behaved well in front of him. On the way home, he demanded I pay for a hotel for him for the night and became aggressive making all kinds of threats of what he would do if I didn’t. I did not do as he asked and he didn’t carry out any of the threats but he texted me until late Christmas night and made me extremely anxious. His dad sees him most days and ensures he has eaten etc but I’m wondering if we should reduce all contact. Meeting him can be extremely stressful and affects me and his dad greatly, he is often very demanding and verbally abusive. I recently persuaded him to attend a care act assessment with adult social care and I really hope that they will support him and we can step back. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.