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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 760268" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>It’s early here in Hawaii as sleep evades me. I am all too familiar with this feeling, this persistent ache. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Badly. I am a notorious ruminator, playing scenarios over in my mind. It all boils down to knowing I made the right decision, but, the <em>grief</em>.</p><p></p><p>Hoku wants nothing to do with her sister. She believes she is toxic. She will not take on this child if that means there is a chance the baby would end up back with his mother. </p><p></p><p>Thank you Copa. There are so many horror stories about foster care and adoption. I have seen the opposite, loving families. Thriving children. I am trying to focus on that. All of the wishes and hopes I have for my daughter to turn around <em>won’t make it happen</em>. This baby is suffering separation trauma and I can’t picture how any mother could allow this to be. Then again, I am allowing it, by not letting my daughter stay here with her baby. How insane is that? </p><p></p><p>It is an impossible situation. On the one hand, I trace back my steps and roll the tapes on what would be if I agreed to house my daughter. Like so many, many times before. Would she come round and take yet another chance given her to make things right? Odds are against that, but I will never know.</p><p>Will she come round and do the right thing now that she is back on the streets? The social worker is waiting for her to call. Seeing if she will at least <em>engage</em> with her baby. </p><p>It is too much. Thank you Lulu for understanding and praying for us.</p><p></p><p>I saw that and had a good inner chuckle. A newt is an aquatic salamander, or a not nice politician, as in Gingrich.</p><p>I’m going to get up and have a cup of coffee. Clean up a bit. The sun will rise enough for me to feed my hens and clean out their coop, then I will get ready for work.</p><p>It will take time for this ache to subside, but being here has helped to work out the endless “what if’s” in my mind. </p><p>thank you so much for your loving support.</p><p>Semi aquatic but not a salamander,</p><p>New Leaf</p><p>Ps. I came to this sight after the last horrific exodus Tornado made from my house. I chose the name New Leaf to represent my turning over and away from the thought that my “help” and housing my daughter accomplished anything. It didn’t. I have to keep that in mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 760268, member: 19522"] It’s early here in Hawaii as sleep evades me. I am all too familiar with this feeling, this persistent ache. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Badly. I am a notorious ruminator, playing scenarios over in my mind. It all boils down to knowing I made the right decision, but, the [I]grief[/I]. Hoku wants nothing to do with her sister. She believes she is toxic. She will not take on this child if that means there is a chance the baby would end up back with his mother. Thank you Copa. There are so many horror stories about foster care and adoption. I have seen the opposite, loving families. Thriving children. I am trying to focus on that. All of the wishes and hopes I have for my daughter to turn around [I]won’t make it happen[/I]. This baby is suffering separation trauma and I can’t picture how any mother could allow this to be. Then again, I am allowing it, by not letting my daughter stay here with her baby. How insane is that? It is an impossible situation. On the one hand, I trace back my steps and roll the tapes on what would be if I agreed to house my daughter. Like so many, many times before. Would she come round and take yet another chance given her to make things right? Odds are against that, but I will never know. Will she come round and do the right thing now that she is back on the streets? The social worker is waiting for her to call. Seeing if she will at least [I]engage[/I] with her baby. It is too much. Thank you Lulu for understanding and praying for us. I saw that and had a good inner chuckle. A newt is an aquatic salamander, or a not nice politician, as in Gingrich. I’m going to get up and have a cup of coffee. Clean up a bit. The sun will rise enough for me to feed my hens and clean out their coop, then I will get ready for work. It will take time for this ache to subside, but being here has helped to work out the endless “what if’s” in my mind. thank you so much for your loving support. Semi aquatic but not a salamander, New Leaf Ps. I came to this sight after the last horrific exodus Tornado made from my house. I chose the name New Leaf to represent my turning over and away from the thought that my “help” and housing my daughter accomplished anything. It didn’t. I have to keep that in mind. [/QUOTE]
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