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Mother’s Day?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760269" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Good morning New Leaf. You have not one thing in the world to do with the suffering of this child. You are not allowing your daughter to stay with you, because she has abused you, overrun your home, and most of all because it has not served her. There is no cause and effect relationship between you and the baby. The cause and effect relationship is between your daughter and the baby. And the cause and effect relationship is between your daughter and you, your daughter and her other children, and your daughter and Hoku, and her other siblings. You caused none of this.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is making all kinds of choices, as we speak, that are highly predictive of what she might have done had you opened up to her your home. She stayed on the streets until the last moments, before birth. She entered care, to save herself from jail. She violated shelter rules within days of her baby's birth. She can, at any time, visit him, hold him, engage with family in a respectful and loving way...to help her baby. That I understand she is doing none of these things. </p><p></p><p>Right now you are torturing yourself, wrongly, by what ifs. You know this is wrong. You can stop it. The responsibility here is Tornado. The options are Tornado's. The weight of this is on Tornado. Examine what is happening, here. Why are you taking this from her? She can step up at any point. She might. </p><p></p><p>I recognize you are handling your grief and stress and powerlessness by trying to assume the weight of the psychological burden. Please don't. It is self-punitive.</p><p></p><p>There would be room for some grandmother to take a greater role with a grandbaby. You have examined your health and your situation and the fact that you took on, and still are taking on her other child/children. It seems as if by deciding that you should not take on responsibility for her baby, you've decided to take on the burden of her guilt. Does this really make sense to you? Can you please put this stone down? How is it helping anybody?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760269, member: 18958"] Good morning New Leaf. You have not one thing in the world to do with the suffering of this child. You are not allowing your daughter to stay with you, because she has abused you, overrun your home, and most of all because it has not served her. There is no cause and effect relationship between you and the baby. The cause and effect relationship is between your daughter and the baby. And the cause and effect relationship is between your daughter and you, your daughter and her other children, and your daughter and Hoku, and her other siblings. You caused none of this. Your daughter is making all kinds of choices, as we speak, that are highly predictive of what she might have done had you opened up to her your home. She stayed on the streets until the last moments, before birth. She entered care, to save herself from jail. She violated shelter rules within days of her baby's birth. She can, at any time, visit him, hold him, engage with family in a respectful and loving way...to help her baby. That I understand she is doing none of these things. Right now you are torturing yourself, wrongly, by what ifs. You know this is wrong. You can stop it. The responsibility here is Tornado. The options are Tornado's. The weight of this is on Tornado. Examine what is happening, here. Why are you taking this from her? She can step up at any point. She might. I recognize you are handling your grief and stress and powerlessness by trying to assume the weight of the psychological burden. Please don't. It is self-punitive. There would be room for some grandmother to take a greater role with a grandbaby. You have examined your health and your situation and the fact that you took on, and still are taking on her other child/children. It seems as if by deciding that you should not take on responsibility for her baby, you've decided to take on the burden of her guilt. Does this really make sense to you? Can you please put this stone down? How is it helping anybody? [/QUOTE]
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