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Mother’s Day?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760309" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Good Morning, New Leaf. I do believe that there are stages and levels to this. Six years ago (each of us) reached a point of no return, and we came here. I have no doubt that for you, you've reached a new level. And after a period of upheaval and disorientation, you will begin to find coherence, and a new understanding and strength, based upon the challenges of right now.</p><p></p><p>Well. Here you've written the story of all of our lives (kind of like our weird variation of Haiku.)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is not true:</p><p></p><p>You have just the right degree of openness to allow change to enter when it's time. It's not time.</p><p></p><p>I doubt it is the former. I think it's the latter. She lives impulsively in the moment, seizing opportunities that present themselves, without forethought or anticipation of consequences. In the same way, she deals with momentary agony that threatens to surge into consciousness, by dulling it with substances. New Leaf. Until she has treatment, long-term (again), she will continue to live this way. No mortal who lives conventionally can handle this. Not you. Not me. For sure.</p><p></p><p>We have to center ourselves, in us, not them. I think mantras may help. A friend of a friend has a child similar to ours (different but somehow the same) and surprise, nothing worked. Until she decided she would write pages and pages of mantras. And guess what? She got better and so did her adult child who now well over 40 has a meaningful career providing exercise programs in nursing homes. He's great at it and loves it. He has his own apartment and is stable.</p><p>,</p><p>In my own case, I am still involved with my son. But hard drugs are not his main problem and even if he was sober and recovering he would still need help. Which is how I justify my continued involvement although there are people who would view this as problematic, enabling, and a sign of my weakness. Sigh. We're all so different with different circumstances, although weirdly similar. But self-torture helps NOTHING. If you find yourself perseverating about what-ifs, maybe you can do MANTRAS and know other mothers are with you doing the same.</p><p></p><p>How can this be overlooked or minimized? I had not realized this before the past few days.</p><p></p><p>For me, you've always exuded health. Maybe it's all the canoes. Personally, I feel with time and respite you'll find yourself and your health. But that means that right now we've all got to do healthy things for mind, body, and spirit.</p><p></p><p>I see it as sharing, opening to suppo rt, telling the truth. Integrating and moving beyond the torment.</p><p></p><p>You will. This is part of it. We can't deny what's happening or bury it. You can't. I can't. I am glad you came back, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>Love, Copa</p><p></p><p>PS I don't think that people at work or in casual circumstances necessarily tell the truth of their lives. Or if they do it can be a very shallow and self-serving version. For some weird reason I am thinking of my mother here, who almost never helped me in my life, and usually thwarted me. And when I became very successful would brag and even once asked me, to give her some credit. I loved my mother very much and I love her still. But my mother could not accept the truth about herself or her life. I think that is a very common circumstance.</p><p></p><p>I think by our sufferings with our children, we can achieve a form of grace in our life. A kind of acceptance and self-acceptance. A kind of honesty about who we are and what our lives have been. Kind of like a peculiar therapy. We shouldn't measure ourselves against other people (although we do.) I wish we would find compassion for ourselves. I seek to find compassion and acceptance for the people not like me too, whose lives haven't given them the gifts of clarity and depth as have ours. I see some of you shaking your heads, but this is how I have come to believe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760309, member: 18958"] Good Morning, New Leaf. I do believe that there are stages and levels to this. Six years ago (each of us) reached a point of no return, and we came here. I have no doubt that for you, you've reached a new level. And after a period of upheaval and disorientation, you will begin to find coherence, and a new understanding and strength, based upon the challenges of right now. Well. Here you've written the story of all of our lives (kind of like our weird variation of Haiku.) This is not true: You have just the right degree of openness to allow change to enter when it's time. It's not time. I doubt it is the former. I think it's the latter. She lives impulsively in the moment, seizing opportunities that present themselves, without forethought or anticipation of consequences. In the same way, she deals with momentary agony that threatens to surge into consciousness, by dulling it with substances. New Leaf. Until she has treatment, long-term (again), she will continue to live this way. No mortal who lives conventionally can handle this. Not you. Not me. For sure. We have to center ourselves, in us, not them. I think mantras may help. A friend of a friend has a child similar to ours (different but somehow the same) and surprise, nothing worked. Until she decided she would write pages and pages of mantras. And guess what? She got better and so did her adult child who now well over 40 has a meaningful career providing exercise programs in nursing homes. He's great at it and loves it. He has his own apartment and is stable. , In my own case, I am still involved with my son. But hard drugs are not his main problem and even if he was sober and recovering he would still need help. Which is how I justify my continued involvement although there are people who would view this as problematic, enabling, and a sign of my weakness. Sigh. We're all so different with different circumstances, although weirdly similar. But self-torture helps NOTHING. If you find yourself perseverating about what-ifs, maybe you can do MANTRAS and know other mothers are with you doing the same. How can this be overlooked or minimized? I had not realized this before the past few days. For me, you've always exuded health. Maybe it's all the canoes. Personally, I feel with time and respite you'll find yourself and your health. But that means that right now we've all got to do healthy things for mind, body, and spirit. I see it as sharing, opening to suppo rt, telling the truth. Integrating and moving beyond the torment. You will. This is part of it. We can't deny what's happening or bury it. You can't. I can't. I am glad you came back, New Leaf. Love, Copa PS I don't think that people at work or in casual circumstances necessarily tell the truth of their lives. Or if they do it can be a very shallow and self-serving version. For some weird reason I am thinking of my mother here, who almost never helped me in my life, and usually thwarted me. And when I became very successful would brag and even once asked me, to give her some credit. I loved my mother very much and I love her still. But my mother could not accept the truth about herself or her life. I think that is a very common circumstance. I think by our sufferings with our children, we can achieve a form of grace in our life. A kind of acceptance and self-acceptance. A kind of honesty about who we are and what our lives have been. Kind of like a peculiar therapy. We shouldn't measure ourselves against other people (although we do.) I wish we would find compassion for ourselves. I seek to find compassion and acceptance for the people not like me too, whose lives haven't given them the gifts of clarity and depth as have ours. I see some of you shaking your heads, but this is how I have come to believe. [/QUOTE]
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