Mother’s love is this right ?

[Titan1]

Hi. I’m new to this forum. I was wondering if anyone has this same experience. My sister’s 14 year old son is taking cannabis. That’s not the issue. The problem is he’s turned increasingly aggressive, has run away from home, been suspended from school (now at high risk of exclusion), is part of a gang, we think. He’s been accused of bullying another child at school, had police warnings, social services coming around you name it. They are a middle class suburban family, it’s not clear if he’s dealing but the gang he runs to has adults as well as younger children. We suspect other drugs are handled there. Now social services have advised he cannot be stopped from leaving the house ( he was at first but then picked up a knife and threatened .. ) but keep the lines of communication open. So my sister has, in her desperation to keep her son talking to her, telling her that he’s still alive, resorted to giving him a lift to the place where his gang meet. Ots tearing the whole family apart, any advice really valued

 

[pasajes4]

Your sister is between a rock and a hard place.
RunawayBunny posted an article on the use of marijuana and increased aggression and violence. He needs therapy and his other family members need it as well. Read through the posts and post when you want/feel like it.

 

[Littleboylost]

You are in the right place. Many of us here are in the same predicament as your sister and her son. I have been at his since my son was 15 and he is now turning 18.
There is a lot of support here. It does indeed tear families apart. Support and therapy is imperative. Please tell your sister she is not alone.

 

[BusynMember]

Is this the U.S?

Your sister needs to stay safe. Your sister needs to block out the noise of "thd entire family." This is about your sister's immediate family only. If others are emotional and opionated or overly upset about it, too bad for them. Sorry, but this is not sbout them.

Your sister doesnt need a family war in her ear. She is going through enough without strong voices that differ, telling her what to do or not to do. She alone makes that decision. Not mom, dad, you or Uncle Joe and kissing coudin Jane. Too much chaos in her head will make it harder.

My vote is, however it has to be done, get him out of the house. He used a weapon, a knife. Sounds like he is running with gangbangers and does not wat to change his lifestyle. Sister is not allowed to keep him from seeing them (no idea wby not). He is unsafe.

At any rate, you may tell your sister to post here because you have no power in this nor in my opinion should you confuse or befuddle your sister. Where is the father?

 

[Crayola13]

Are there other children in the home? If so, social services isn't doing their job. If he pulled the knife, they are supposed to send him to counseling and not allow him to be around his siblings.

 

[pigless in VA]

Welcome, Titan.

This is only my opinion, but I would not be making it easier for him to associate with the gang. I would refuse to give him rides.

I grew up with bikers and rough people partying in my house. Now that I am an adult, I don't want to associate with dangerous people. I'd be searching for ways to kick my kid out or send him somewhere safer away from the tough influences.

I am so sorry this is happening to your nephew.

 

[Titan1]

Thanks so much everyone for the good words of advice and encouragement. I hear what you are saying Sonewhereoutthere and I wish my sister would post herself but she won’t. There is definitely a lot of truth in our inability as family members to do anything ...as well meaning as we are, we can only try to support but ultimately only the parents can directly intervene . I think it’s probably a better strategy to be there for her. The other issue is that my brother in law thinks and says this is for the whole family to get involved and help to sort out. We are from a culture where this is the norm.

 

[BusynMember]

Nobody has to listen to brother in law. He is the parent.