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Substance Abuse
Mothers Day.... Tears not joy
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 687706" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Colleen, I have the same issues with my two. It does hurt to have our own treat us this way. I am so sorry for the pain of it. I think it was Copa who wrote that her son does not <em>define her</em>. There is so much to that statement.</p><p></p><p> I do not think our relationships are lost, just altered. By this I mean our children grow up and choose. Their choices may take them down a very different path than what we ever imagined. It is a difficult journey to watch up close. Our lives as young mothers revolved around our children. Almost everything we did was for their wellbeing and future. It is love and sacrifice to the greatest degree. How does one remove oneself from such a powerful thing? I think when it starts to go south with our d cs, we become entrenched in the chaos of it all. It becomes a desperate situation, so hard to let go and let God. We are convinced that if we lay down our lives, they will get better. It may work for some, but not for others. Nothing good comes of desperation.</p><p>So the relationship has to evolve for everyone's sake. There is no way to tell you how to do this. At some point, you will figure out that your life matters very much and that you have value beyond the choices your sons make. Try to take little steps to declare this, <em>to own it. By doing this and making your best effort to live well you are showing your sons by example how to live.</em></p><p></p><p> I am glad for you TL. Hold close to your relationship with your husband.</p><p></p><p> I did not hear from my two yesterday. That is their choice. I know I did the best job I could raising them, if they choose not to celebrate that, oh well. My Tornado has been whirlwinding in and out, she even thought she would move back in with the kids. Was very upset with me when I told her she needs to go to a DV shelter, then the next day declared she was "working it out" with Volcano and they would get counseling. The chaos continues. If she calls or texts, Hoku says "She just wants something" which turns out to be true. I will not fall prey to the game. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p> This rings so true. Men are so very different from women. Looking back on the past few months, I realize my hubs was pushing me away. I think he knew somehow deep inside that his time was coming. It hurt very much, but I think in his own way, he was trying to prepare me for life without him. Perhaps your son understands that he needs to go out and find his way and he is preparing you. The method is not so desirable, but, he is telling you something through his actions. JMO, but I think the longer we hang on, the more outlandish the behavior.</p><p>Your son needs to know that he is capable and that you will be okay with his leaving. You need to know this, too.</p><p>You are a good person and a good mom. You will figure things out in your own due time. Try to do something nice for you, and be kind to yourself. I know how hard this all is. You will be okay, and so will your sons.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 687706, member: 19522"] Colleen, I have the same issues with my two. It does hurt to have our own treat us this way. I am so sorry for the pain of it. I think it was Copa who wrote that her son does not [I]define her[/I]. There is so much to that statement. I do not think our relationships are lost, just altered. By this I mean our children grow up and choose. Their choices may take them down a very different path than what we ever imagined. It is a difficult journey to watch up close. Our lives as young mothers revolved around our children. Almost everything we did was for their wellbeing and future. It is love and sacrifice to the greatest degree. How does one remove oneself from such a powerful thing? I think when it starts to go south with our d cs, we become entrenched in the chaos of it all. It becomes a desperate situation, so hard to let go and let God. We are convinced that if we lay down our lives, they will get better. It may work for some, but not for others. Nothing good comes of desperation. So the relationship has to evolve for everyone's sake. There is no way to tell you how to do this. At some point, you will figure out that your life matters very much and that you have value beyond the choices your sons make. Try to take little steps to declare this, [I]to own it. By doing this and making your best effort to live well you are showing your sons by example how to live.[/I] I am glad for you TL. Hold close to your relationship with your husband. I did not hear from my two yesterday. That is their choice. I know I did the best job I could raising them, if they choose not to celebrate that, oh well. My Tornado has been whirlwinding in and out, she even thought she would move back in with the kids. Was very upset with me when I told her she needs to go to a DV shelter, then the next day declared she was "working it out" with Volcano and they would get counseling. The chaos continues. If she calls or texts, Hoku says "She just wants something" which turns out to be true. I will not fall prey to the game. It is what it is. This rings so true. Men are so very different from women. Looking back on the past few months, I realize my hubs was pushing me away. I think he knew somehow deep inside that his time was coming. It hurt very much, but I think in his own way, he was trying to prepare me for life without him. Perhaps your son understands that he needs to go out and find his way and he is preparing you. The method is not so desirable, but, he is telling you something through his actions. JMO, but I think the longer we hang on, the more outlandish the behavior. Your son needs to know that he is capable and that you will be okay with his leaving. You need to know this, too. You are a good person and a good mom. You will figure things out in your own due time. Try to do something nice for you, and be kind to yourself. I know how hard this all is. You will be okay, and so will your sons. (((Hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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