BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Ours was really good and I got a special gift I didn't expect. You all know I've been struggling with FOO issues and sudden understanding. I saw my father and we have been actually talking about everything lately. I never thought he'd listen, but he is and I think he gets it and gets that he is a part of the scapegoating too.
"How can you say your mother abused you? If I said one word to you to correct you, she'd jump at me."
"Well, Dad, you were a bigger scapegoat than me back then so you were the only one she ever stopped from being mean to me."
I enjoyed showing him Facebook, texting, and other things on my tablet. I couldn't believe nobody had ever shown him these things before. He is not a fan of them.
At the end, he expressed his sadness that his children could not get alone. I felt so bad for him. I just told him, "Dad...I can't make people like you, me know? I can't make them talk to me, even for you. I would talk to them for your sake, but it wouldn't be deep...just stuff like the weather. But it's not ME who is insisting on 100% cut offs. I think those are usually abusive and silly."
He shook his head. This will always bother him.
The gift he gave me today, and since the one time I told that I was going to tell him about my life, is the gift of unconditional love from a parent. I wasn't sure I had that with anyone in my family except him. I know my sibs are on a campaign to change his feelings for me. But they also think he was the abusive one in our parent's marriage...I don't...they will never ever get him to not love me. And I'm good if he loves them too. They are all his kids. HE is the normal one in that regard. That is how parents usually feel about their adult children.
Trust me, my day and in fact entire weekend is being awesome (not over yet...now Sonic is here with Jumper and Hubby and I'm back from Chicago after great time with Princess, Baby and Jumper)...but no gift was as great as realizing that one person in my FOO, my father, Loes me unconditionally. I made sure to get pictures of us together and we hugged tightly before he left. I told him "thank you." I don't think he k new why.
"How can you say your mother abused you? If I said one word to you to correct you, she'd jump at me."
"Well, Dad, you were a bigger scapegoat than me back then so you were the only one she ever stopped from being mean to me."
I enjoyed showing him Facebook, texting, and other things on my tablet. I couldn't believe nobody had ever shown him these things before. He is not a fan of them.
At the end, he expressed his sadness that his children could not get alone. I felt so bad for him. I just told him, "Dad...I can't make people like you, me know? I can't make them talk to me, even for you. I would talk to them for your sake, but it wouldn't be deep...just stuff like the weather. But it's not ME who is insisting on 100% cut offs. I think those are usually abusive and silly."
He shook his head. This will always bother him.
The gift he gave me today, and since the one time I told that I was going to tell him about my life, is the gift of unconditional love from a parent. I wasn't sure I had that with anyone in my family except him. I know my sibs are on a campaign to change his feelings for me. But they also think he was the abusive one in our parent's marriage...I don't...they will never ever get him to not love me. And I'm good if he loves them too. They are all his kids. HE is the normal one in that regard. That is how parents usually feel about their adult children.
Trust me, my day and in fact entire weekend is being awesome (not over yet...now Sonic is here with Jumper and Hubby and I'm back from Chicago after great time with Princess, Baby and Jumper)...but no gift was as great as realizing that one person in my FOO, my father, Loes me unconditionally. I made sure to get pictures of us together and we hugged tightly before he left. I told him "thank you." I don't think he k new why.