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Family of Origin
Mothers...specifically ones with personality disorders. How their offspring fare.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 665587" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>He did call. We weren't in. We called him back. He didn't answer...and then? He called this morning. I just talked to him and it was great. Some success at work. Son is a self-employed carpenter/tile person/plumber you name it. He can do pretty much anything really well. He bids the jobs he takes on himself, hires those he needs to help him or does the job himself, and is supporting his family on his own through the work he does. He does not have a contractor's license. Does not have the money to take the classes because he needs the money to live. </p><p></p><p>So, we did not send money. Even so, we did not send money.</p><p></p><p>Son needs a new truck, now. We did not help with that, either. We did give him a truck some years back. We are glad we did, and didn't resent it at all. So, I think that was not enabling. If we had two trucks now, we would give him one again. But we only have one truck, now. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, son not only got paid in full (and sometimes, the customer will do anything not to pay the full amount), and not only got paid as soon as the job was completed, but he got $180 dollar tip.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>And he just wanted to tell us that, and to talk for a minute and then, he let me go.</p><p></p><p>I am a happy mom this morning.</p><p></p><p>Really, so proud and happy for him.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Here is the thing. We have been going through the "I can't do it; everyone is screwing me over; ten million terrible things are happening." And we just kept trying to stick with saying the best things we knew to say and telling him we loved him and we were sure he could do this.</p><p></p><p>And he did.</p><p></p><p>And he was proud for himself. And he knew we would be proud and happy for him too and isn't that a nice, nice thing that happened to me, this morning.</p><p></p><p>Wait until I tell D H.</p><p></p><p>So, prayers of gratitude going up, going up so beautifully.</p><p></p><p>Awhile back, he made up business cards. They are great. One of the things I had suggested, given the situation with the contractor's license, was businesses like Two Men and a Truck. Like, how had they done that and then, franchised it. I don't know whether the business card idea came out of that conversation or not. But I do know the business card is really cool. He is proud of it.</p><p></p><p>I am, too.</p><p></p><p>And I have been thinking alot about seeing my children in proud ways, and about how the way my FOO thinking affects my thinking about my children. And about how good and bad things happen to us all. And about how really courageous a struggle it is, to beat an addiction. And about what that must feel like, to the person trapped in that place.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had never been so ashamed of what happened to all of us. That shame, that wild insistence that I had failed the kids ~ that was not helpful. That was my toxic shame kicking in instead of putting faith in my kids' abilities to come through it okay.</p><p></p><p>Well, at least I see it, now. Am beginning to see it, now.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Also, though son did not call for Father's Day, he did call for D H birthday. That was a very nice thing, for D H and for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 665587, member: 17461"] He did call. We weren't in. We called him back. He didn't answer...and then? He called this morning. I just talked to him and it was great. Some success at work. Son is a self-employed carpenter/tile person/plumber you name it. He can do pretty much anything really well. He bids the jobs he takes on himself, hires those he needs to help him or does the job himself, and is supporting his family on his own through the work he does. He does not have a contractor's license. Does not have the money to take the classes because he needs the money to live. So, we did not send money. Even so, we did not send money. Son needs a new truck, now. We did not help with that, either. We did give him a truck some years back. We are glad we did, and didn't resent it at all. So, I think that was not enabling. If we had two trucks now, we would give him one again. But we only have one truck, now. Anyway, son not only got paid in full (and sometimes, the customer will do anything not to pay the full amount), and not only got paid as soon as the job was completed, but he got $180 dollar tip. :O) Isn't that something. And he just wanted to tell us that, and to talk for a minute and then, he let me go. I am a happy mom this morning. Really, so proud and happy for him. Cedar Here is the thing. We have been going through the "I can't do it; everyone is screwing me over; ten million terrible things are happening." And we just kept trying to stick with saying the best things we knew to say and telling him we loved him and we were sure he could do this. And he did. And he was proud for himself. And he knew we would be proud and happy for him too and isn't that a nice, nice thing that happened to me, this morning. Wait until I tell D H. So, prayers of gratitude going up, going up so beautifully. Awhile back, he made up business cards. They are great. One of the things I had suggested, given the situation with the contractor's license, was businesses like Two Men and a Truck. Like, how had they done that and then, franchised it. I don't know whether the business card idea came out of that conversation or not. But I do know the business card is really cool. He is proud of it. I am, too. And I have been thinking alot about seeing my children in proud ways, and about how the way my FOO thinking affects my thinking about my children. And about how good and bad things happen to us all. And about how really courageous a struggle it is, to beat an addiction. And about what that must feel like, to the person trapped in that place. I wish I had never been so ashamed of what happened to all of us. That shame, that wild insistence that I had failed the kids ~ that was not helpful. That was my toxic shame kicking in instead of putting faith in my kids' abilities to come through it okay. Well, at least I see it, now. Am beginning to see it, now. Cedar Also, though son did not call for Father's Day, he did call for D H birthday. That was a very nice thing, for D H and for me. [/QUOTE]
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