Motivation Please!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by standswithcourage, Jun 9, 2010.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My 19 year old son soon to be 20 - is kinda overweight - he has bought a bicycle and rides sometimes with his friends - he is going to the technical college but none of his friends have girlfriends - they just do what they want - anyway his health concerns me - he and his dad have a bet who can loose the most weight first - i dont see any progress in that direction - it drives me nuts - i was thinking of making a doctor appointment. he is still not completely through puberty i dont think - maybe i am being too controlling or something = any advice?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He would have to make the appointment I think. He might let you go with him though.

    Perhaps that Wii fit game would be a good investment.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    SWC- He's almost 20 so it's his responsibility. Just make sure you don't undermine him inadvertently by having lots of fattening foods available. Really, the more you push... the more he'll dig his heels in and not address his weight. I know this from experience because my husband nagged me about my weight for most of our marriage. It took him backing off before I could even begin to take better care of myself. His overstepping of the boundary made the situation emotionally charged.
  4. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Well, at 20, if he's still in obvious puberty, there's a medical concern. What makes you think that he hasn't completed puberty yet?

    However, at that age, you have no control over his medical treatment. You can't make appts for him nor accompany him to visits unless he asks you to do so.
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks all for the comments. They are all true and I appreciate it:)
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I totally hear your concern about weight in kids. My difficult child is 17, 6'3 and not sure his exact weight, but he is uber slim. My easy child is 11, she is just now "developing" and heading into puberty. She has had weight issues since about age 6-7, in spite of being tiny as a younger child and being active in hockey since age 6, soccer, basketball etc. I know with her its genetic, both my and her fathers side have weight issues. difficult child's fathers side is super slim and he obviously has their genetics dominating. I swear he is lazy, no activity, eats horrid food and lots of it, yet is a rake. While my easy child does enjoy snacks and bad for you type treats, she also eats healthy balanced meals in ways her brother doesn't.

    I think the approach I take now is the approach I'll stick with even as my easy child ages and grows into a adult. I tend to have to find a way to walk the fine line between helping her make good choices in eating and exercise, realize what she's consuming and yet not making her feel something is wrong with her about her weight, not contribute to self esteem problems etc. It can be tricky I know. I tend to try to keep unhealthy foods/treats to a minimum in the house, period. I don't say "no" or mention at all when she shouldn't eat something. I just don't keep it around, except when I feel it is time for a treat etc. I make and serve her meals, even though she is old enough to prepare her own dinner plates, as well as get her own breakfast and lunch. I do it to appear a mom who likes to prepare the food for the family type thing. Even though i'd love her to do her own breakfast and lunch etc. I do tend to ask her do you want A, B or C for breakfast?? And make sure they are all good choices. If she says no, I want (insert something not offered) I tend to say something like "I know you like (Insert name, say Pancakes with syrup) and thats a great idea for a treat on Sunday morning. For today though, its a b or c, so whatcha want today?. Thus giving her knowledge she isn't being denied the food she wants, and inserting a option to think about that food as a treat to look forward to. I like that when I prepare her plates, I get to decide her portion control. I keep things she actually likes as snacks in abundance. On a raw carrot/cucumber etc kick? I keep them chopped and cleaned in fridge for her. Same with whatever fruits she is into at the time.

    I have taken to incorporating desire to speak with doctor about weight with her "check ups". At your sons age, there might be a way to finangle something into his thought process. Say he's got some kind of medical thing ... asthma, allergies, whatever. Maybe a suggestion next time he brings up the medical issue: So, that seems to be something that you should ask your doctor about again. Why don't I go ahead and book a physical for you and you can speak to the doctor about it following a thorough check up, which really is something we all have to get into a good habit of doing on a regular basis. It might also be a good time to discuss your bet with your dad! the doctor could chart your current weight, help you set realistic goals, give you some good tips/strategies, and even set you up to have a few appointments with a dietician. I can call for you tomorrow if you like".

    Otherwise, i have to say it must be hard at that age, newly independent for medical stuff. If he has favorite recipes, maybe you could say "hey, you know that recipe for chicken you just love? I looked up some recipes on the internet and found a new way to make it with adjustments that cut out tons of calories, fat, carbs (whatever) and I'm going to make it for us all to try".
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is way overweight. I've taken him to every doctor (GP, Endocrinologist, Gastro, Nutritionist, Child Obesity Specialist) to see if there is a physical reason why (I still think there may be because he craves sugar). He is almost 17 and at this point in his life, other than not having junk food in the house (which he can get OUT of the house anyway), I am putting that on hold. I can't make him lose weight if he isn't motivated. If he gets motivated, there is plenty of help out there. Right now he is so young that I am hoping he becomes motivated one day. If he becomes too overweight, he can have gastric bypass surgery (yes, he's big enough that I think about it). He is a very compliant kid and when I make appointments to doctors he willingly goes, but he doesnt' follow through with diets. He does get exercise. For the most part, at his age you can make suggestions (a nutritionist can fill out a diet for him) and he can join a gym and start a workout program and you can counsel him, but if you push him too hard at his age, I don't think it will do any good. At least it hasn't here and I've been doing it for many years.

    I wish I had more to tell you. I think, just like with your older son, you can't fix this for him. He has to want it badly and to do it himself. He's almost 20 and you can't lock up the refrigerator or restrict his food intake anymore. I'm sure he eats out and will move out the house someday soon as well so he'll be totally on his own without you to make meals for him. Still I think he'll be fine. I worry a bit about obsessing on the weight because my sister and best friend both had anorexia and I don't think they ever outgrew it. In spite of being WAY skinny, in no way are they WAY fact anorexia is hard to cure. Neither feel they are cured. A heavy person can always decide "I'm going to lose weight!" But an anorexic person can't just get over having this debilitating mental illness. It is usually a female problem, but is becoming a larger problem for males now too. So I try to walk a fine line. Good luck ;)
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010