So tonight I went to a viewing of friend of my sons- same young age early 20"s. My son could not go because he doesn't live in the same state anymore but these two still kept in touch and talked often. At the viewing there were pictures of the young man and his family- laughing, sharing, loving, etc. As I stood in line to pay my respects to his parents the tears were running down my face. Sad for them but also sad for myself. I don't have happy memories with my son for the last 7 years... He moved away a few years ago and his alcoholism has just drawn us more apart. The disrespect he has for us is terrible. He only reaches out when he wants or needs something. The money we have spent on him and not even a thank you. There are no pictures of us together anymore.. Life is lived walking on egg shells now fearing what I say, fearing what his therapist may tell me tomorrow... I feel like we have been mourning the loss of our son for so long. It is just exhausting and so sad to see such a young life destroyed by addiction. This young man that passed away had his whole life ahead of him and was doing well. I have prayed for the last 6 -7 years for my son. I know God is there and if it is his will my son will pull through but I must say I am so exhausted and just want my life back. I really need to be very strong in 2 weeks. That is when we will see him again and at that point if he has relapsed I need to really pull away and let him on his own. It is killing me inside. I hate having him so far away. I think about the upcoming holidays and he will be all alone there- no family and few friends unless he soon stops isolating himself. The holidays will be very lonely and certainly a trigger. Sorry for venting. Just had to share my feelings tonight.