Moving Dude - taking down the house

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jan 21, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hi family,

    Last night I got a very nice, civil, non-demanding, phone call from my son. He calls about once a week just to say hey so I won't worry. (this is a nice change)

    And he was telling me about some down the road drama unfolding with a dog that a neighbor was going to put out in the snow because he was evicted from his home. My son saw the sheriff there and went up with a leash and said "Good thing you got here late officer - I came to get my dog." and instead of being nice - the cop made some snide remark about the dog needed to be put down with people like this. (meaning the kid that was being evicted) not bad enough he was being evicted, now the cop is demeaning him in front of neighbors - the kid was mostly packed and the cop asked my son where he lived.

    He told him and then said that he had 2 days to find the dog a home, and difficult child had called me and Df about coming to get him as a foster/rescue, but I worked. I called some local animal shelters in the area but they never called back or emailed. (Glad they are there) sheez. And while Dude is on the phone with me - I hear the most foul language and threats to kill the dog, beat the dog, cut him, let him go - hurt him, kick him from other kids in the background - and what's worse is that the house mgr. was THERE and just ignored it all. It's very upsetting and I know not all kids are good with animals or care - because they too are wounded - but for the house mgr. to not intervene - and it got Dude in a tizzy - and he was ready to hit someone (I told him that showed lack of control) but I could hear even the house mgr. egging this on. UNREAL. So I told Dude to leave. I told him to tell the man there - he needed to leave, go for a long walk and cool down.

    HE TOOK MY ADVICE AND LEFT. He walked 8 miles to a kid's house and had called him about keeping that dog - the kid said for a while - not forever. And Dude and the dog left. Dude EVEN made it back for curfew.

    So today he called and said that the group home is NOT working for him and he said he hasn't been to school in weeks? (No gas) He hasn't gotten credit for his community service hours ( I smell a set up with a friend who needed free labor), His clothes have all been stolen, shoes stolen and he said the people up there are just not his class of people, (not to be ugly) but he said the whole place is a scam. THIS I believe. We let him have a computer there - the house mgr. put it in his room - and it got destroyed - and he refuses to pay for it.

    Well while I'm on the phone calling the caseworker to have Dude moved - which is what he's supposed to have been doing for 4 weeks now (ARGH) I hear a voice in the background - yelling and ordering Dude to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Dude didn't eat breakfast - he's not on KP duty - and this man is ordering him around and barking at him like he's a dog and screaming DO YOU HEAR ME BOY? And Dude is ignoring him - then said "I didn't make the mess and if you are going to talk to me like that I ain't cleaning it up." and then the man went off on him and I could hear him saying junk in the background. So I told Dude to hold the phone out and say "MY MOTHER WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU NOW!!!!" so he did. And the man IMMEDIATELY SHUT UP. And then I hear "You talkin to yoz MOms?" and Dude said "YUP - and she is NOT happy with..." and then says "What did you say you were not happy with MOTHER? HIS PERFORMANCE AS A LEADER?" and the man said NOTHING.

    I told Dude to wash up what he did have in clothes and shoes and get his stuff packed up, I would be calling his caseworker TODAY and he will be out of there ASAP - and then I will be calling DHEC and the Governor, and the congressmen Jim DeMint and letting them know EVERYTHING that has gone on from asking for gas money now to get them to school - to not taking them to job interviews, mental health appointments and whatever else Dude wants to tell me about that Good Ole Boy system. I am outraged.

    I have had my suspicions about the validity of what Dude is saying - but now? I believe it. These kids lie so much it's hard to know when they are telling you the truth and when they are embellishing it for their own personal gain - but after the 2 phone calls, threats and language, and NAME calling from an adult - THIS is it.

    First get Dude somewhere safe - and make sure he's not wasting his life NOT going to school, NOT going to counseling, NOT getting a job and NOT being compliant with his PO and THEN - WARRIOR MOM...

    Gotta love Dude holding the phone out and saying what he did - until that point the man had no clue he was talking on the phone.

    WELL tomorrow is another day.....isnt it? lol

  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Wow Star - I am flabbergasted!! And proud of Dude for standing up to this guy in a manner which was within boundaries.

    I know what you mean about not being able to completely believe everything they tell us. I now just think that difficult child is lying when her lips move and I've told her so.

    I'm glad you were witness to the sham of a group home this man is running. I hope they are able to place Dude somewhere that is more suiting. Jeesh is right.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You know I've been You've got to be kidding me? about this house from the beginning. With all the stuff that's gone on since Dude's been there any report you make is gonna look like a book. And that's without any input from the other kids. And during an investigation they can always find past "clients" and interview them about how the school is run.

    But I am a "Every thing happens for a reason" sort of person. Seen too much during my lifetime to not believe it isn't so, even if we don't get the answers right away.

    For as awful as this place is, and I sooooo agree that it is, I think maybe Dude has done some learning. Maybe not huge milestones. But it does look like some things are beginning to become lightbulb moments.

    For instance how he handled the whole dog situation. Honestly, that was quite a mature way to take care of it. And he made it back by cerfew.

    The way he handled the mgr of the home. OMG I am so PROUD of him!! :bravo: Absoutely friggin awesome!!!

    Dude could have gone full blown difficult child. After the day it sounds like he had I doubt I'd have blamed him. But he didn't. Instead Dude handled it with his brain and the skill that so reminds me of his mother.:sword:

    Yep. I'm mighty proud. I'm sure you are too.

    The icing on the cake was Dude realizing for himself that the place is a scam and that the people there are not up to the standards he was raised by.

    Oh Yeah!!!! WOOOT WOOOT WOOOT!!!!

    Get him outta there as fast as you can and somewhere decent and safe. Then go warrior Mom on 'em and take 'em down!:warrior:

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW STAR!!! DUDE has GROWN UP!! AT least some!! I know a lot of adults who would not have handled the dog situation OR the dishes situation that well!!

    Let's get him safe, then he will realize how much he has grown at this place. And then let's shut the joint down, because Dude only learned because he was being scammed and totally neglected!


  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Star - get Dude out of there and then take that place down. I cannot believe how they are treating those difficult children. I have been reading your posts about the place and I just am so upset, like my own difficult child is there. I feel like everyone's difficult child is mine (not that I have the room or patience to have more than one difficult child LOL).

    Dude did good by controlling his anger and not going off on the guy (which I probably would have myself).

    Congrats to Dude on helping the dog and not taking cra* from the guy at the house.

    I am sending you both hugs and crossing fingers and toes that you get him out of there quickly and in a safe place where he can continue to grow.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Dude is definitely your boy. Don't take nothing from nobody.

    The house leader is a real shmagegie. Best to get him out of there. I got TInk's poms and will be cheering you on all the way, babe!
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sure wish your son could show this kind of maturity at home. This is a young man to be proud of. He's shown compassion, strength. He's handled some pretty bad situations well.

    Let's hope he can continue growing wherever he goes next. He really does deserve a chance.

    I can only image your pain in all of this. Hugs to all of you!

    :flowers: One bunch for dude! :flowers: One bunch for you!
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Good Job Star! It sounds like you should take down the house! Hugs to you!
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    OMG, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall...

    Keep us posted, Star. I hope Dude gets moved ASAP.

  10. Scent of Cedar II

    Scent of Cedar II New Member


    So Stardude found a home (at least temporary shelter) for the mistreated dog. Even with how awful everything else that is happening has been Star ~ you must be proud!

  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I couldn't have said it any better than the others have already!!! I tried to quote Lisa, but modern technology and I just don't mix, lol!!! One of these days, I'll figure out how to do it!!! Anyway, you are a true :warrior:mom!!! And, I can't even begin to tell you how proud of Dude I am!!! :bravo:Way To Go Dude!!! WFEN
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    FIRST thank you so much for all the support and well wishes (MB the flowers were lovely thank you) and the positive reinforcement statements about Dudes growth.

    I know he has grown - and I'm not saying this program couldn't have worked - and Daisy - I believe in it is what it is too - so I'm only making suggestions at this point - and I'm glad for Dudes growth really - BUT fact remains - I won't have him living somewhere that he doesn't feel safe at when he has no choice as he's 17. With the statements that were made the other day from the other young men there and things that I've been told - it isn't a good program fit for Dude. The fact that this man is doing or not doing - can be put under investigation. But I'm not letting someone elses kid sit there - and be afraid of his peers.

    The caseworker is going up there Thursday - they are having an emergency case-file meeting tomorrow...

    They will decide where he goes from there - and I said I would NOT accept him being placed FAR FAR away again. too much stress.

    I wanted to state - for any newbies reading - I am NOT a rush in and fix it Mom - haven't been for a long time. So this is not the case here.

    Dude called me this morning to say that the man that owns the place asked him if he wanted to go to school today - and he went. They have told the caseworker they can't get him up for school. Dude said that is a load. He likes school - he isn't working and it's his ONLY way to get socialization.

    Dude also asked me if I had called or if CW had called the place. I said not that I know of. He said it was funny because before he went to school he said someone had called the house mgr. and the conversation made Dude believe that someone else is trying to get put out of there. Two other boys said they called their parents and said they want out - and told their parents whats going on. AMAZING coincidence? Or fact.

    I told caseworker about the yelling, and intimidation - and what Dude did to the house mgr with the phone and he said "Did he get on the phone?" and I said "no." then cw said "I don't blame him - I don't like to get on the phone with you when you're upset either - because I KNOW you're right - I just can't do much about it, and you are really a VERY direct person. You ain't shy - that's for sure." (nooooo Meeeeee?)

    YA THINK? (small violins play a concerto)
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    *SNORT* :hellyes:

    Glad to hear though, that things are starting to happen. This place sounds absolutely worthless and this guy needs taken down a few levels. Keep us updated!
  14. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes Star - keep us updated. Hugs!
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm glad you got the ball rolling on that place and Dude is out of there. (and glad to hear that maybe other parents are following suit)

    I have a feeling seeing how this all plays out is going to be very interesting. :devil:
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    That's great that they are investigating. I hope they close the place down! I will be keeping an eye on this also, it's so interesting.
  17. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    It's scary that places like this exist and prey on people who desperately need help in dealing with life......glad Dude is no longer a part of this chaos!
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope whoever runs this place is tried in a court of law for the money they stole from the govt and the children (gas money to take kids to school - outrageous!!!!). And for the abuse the kids went through.

    But I suppose we will have to be satisfied with Dude getting into a better place and this place being shut down.

    What will happen if the media gets wind of this? Any chance of some REAL pressure being put on the facility management?

    Hugs Star, too funny about the CW not wanting to talk to you either!!!!
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911

    NO ONE wants to talk to me - :whiteflag: lol.

    Dude isn't out of there yet. CW is going there Thursday - so fingers crossed. I just hope they don't do what I THINK they are going to do - put him in the psychiatric hospital - (it's not a nice place there, I've checked) or tell him he has to stay put.

    So we shall see. No calls from Dude - but I am proud to say he has been walking a pretty good distance every day to feed, water and walk the dog he took in. I can't believe no one has called from the shelters.

    I even offered to make a money donation to help offset the costs.

    I'll keep you updated - or you'll see the plume from where you are.

  20. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Hang in there Star. You are really so strong! Hugs.