Moving On

Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
Good morning. I have spent a day reading through so many post, old and new. It saddens me there are so many struggling with their children in many different ways.
It gives me hope that everyone here can have such compassion for others while still struggling themselves.
This forum is a desperately needed place for people to come and release their most private heartaches and be heard and comforted.
When I was first looking for a place, all I could find were sites about children living with narcissistic , abusive or addicted parents. Or living with an addicted partner. Where were the sites for parents? Not many, if any out there. I felt I must be in this battle alone.
I knew I had missed out on a childhood. Always feeling inadequate, scared, unnoticed. Spent my whole childhood even now trying to get approval from my mom, brothers and sisters.
My children were never going to feel this way, EVER...
And they haven't, it is me still searching for approval, love and a sense of belonging.
Through the help of everyone here I see that now. It is time for me to move on and stop searching in the same places for my needs.
My needs should be met by me! It's a new awakening that I believe would never had surfaced without the strong and courageous people here.
I cannot name you all but you all know who you are. All of you who took the time to respond and reach out with the truth no matter how hard at times, it was for me to swallow.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have know idea what you have given me. It has been much more than encouragement, wisdom, strength or reason. I truly feel the LOVE you have all shown me.
This is my home away from home. I will continue to belong here just as so many of you. I can't stop reaching out for myself and I can't stop being there for others.

Peace and Love
 
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Beta

Well-Known Member
When I was first looking for a place, all I could find were sites about children living with narcissistic , abusive or addicted parents. Or living with an addicted partner. Where were the sites for parents? Not many, if any out there. I felt I must be in this battle alone.

I agree, there aren't many resources for parents like us.

I am in awe of how far you have come in the previous weeks. It's inspiring and motivating to me, and I have gained insight from things you have written, as I have from many of the other CD posters. It feels good to have a community of people who know what it is like to live with the disappointment, sadness, and even shame, at having kids who are dysfunctional. If you have never experienced it, you can't understand it.
 

Blindsided

Face the Sun
Good morning. I have spent a day reading through so many post, old and new. It saddens me there are so many struggling with their children in many different ways.
It gives me hope that everyone here can have such compassion for others while still struggling themselves.
This forum is a desperately needed place for people to come and release their most private heartaches and be heard and comforted.
When I was first looking for a place, all I could find were sites about children living with narcissistic , abusive or addicted parents. Or living with an addicted partner. Where were the sites for parents? Not many, if any out there. I felt I must be in this battle alone.
I knew I had missed out on a childhood. Always feeling inadequate, scared, unnoticed. Spent my whole childhood even now trying to get approval from my mom, brothers and sisters.
My children were never going to feel this way, EVER...
And they haven't, it is me still searching for approval, love and a sense of belonging.
Through the help of everyone here I see that now. It is time for me to move on and stop searching in the same places for my needs.
My needs should be met by me! It's a new awakening that I believe would never had surfaced without the strong and courageous people here.
I cannot name you all but you all know who you are. All of you who took the time to respond and reach out with the truth no matter how hard at times, it was for me to swallow.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have know idea what you have given me. It has been much more than encouragement, wisdom, strength or reason. I truly feel the LOVE you have all shown me.
This is my home away from home. I will continue to belong here just as so many of you. I can't stop reaching out for myself and I can't stop being there for others.
Peace and Love
Overwhelmed, you have taken the words from my mouth, my heart, and my soul. Everywhere you have been, I have been. My family dynamic was as peacemaker. But, what matters is that we have found a place where others understand, no judgement and only advice on how to be a stronger person by setting boundaries with our DCs and for ourselves, tips on how to live a good life despite the adversities and heartache we face.

Thank you for putting it so eloquently.

In healing for us all, together
 

Deni D

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
Staff member
Overwhelmed1 ~ that was beautiful, words I so resonate with, peace and love to you too.
 

Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
I appreciate the kind words in response to my post. It isn't easy being me. I am a peacemaker as many of you are and I don't consider this a flaw.
The flaw comes from those that don't accept our kindness, love and caring for people that comes naturally.
The flaws come when people take advantage of who we are.
The flaw comes when I let abuse, disrespect and manipulation swallow me up and make me afraid to be who I am.
I cannot let anyone take away who I enjoy being.
Yes, I have to be mindful of those who take advantage but I refuse to change who God made me.
What I am doing is learning when I can make a difference in someone that appreciates the help and when I need to walk away from those who need to learn to help themselves.
This is what everyone here has helped me with. All you peacemakers helping someone that appreciates the help and learning to apply that to helping myself.
Some may not consider themselves being a peacemaker but you have all given me peace and love.
I appreciate you all....

Peace and Love
 

Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
PS to the above, I didn't want to sound like I don't have flaws, I have more than enough, some I may choose to correct but I am not searching for perfection. I am searching for the person I can accept, flaws and all.
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
OW,

Glad to see you have rounded the corner! As far as you offering peace to others, I am glad you are reaching out to yourself, to heal, to see that you deserve peace. I have appreciated your posts and learned from you. You are very thoughtful and strong. Keep on trucking!
JMOM
 

Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
Again, I have spent much time reading many post the last few weeks.
I notice how everyone here understands what is needed to live a happy and free life. So many hurts with just as many wise and thoughtful responses.
My question is, " how then do we stop it for YOU, ME, US...."
I can read some posts and say " I would never put up with that" but I do.
I can read a post and say " that makes sense, I can do that" but I can't or don't.
I can read a post and think " I agree with that" yet I can't or don't follow it.
Emotions are so controlling. Especially when Love meets Pain head on.
It keeps me confused and unable to follow through with what I know is right.
When I do make a break through Pain is replaced by Loneliness and Despair.
Where is that happy medium?
I'm still working on that. I hope to have that answer someday.
I pray we all find that soon...

Me thinking out loud again....

Peace and Love everyone
 

Beta

Well-Known Member
You have put your finger on the issues and feelings all of us experience in this mess. I wish I had an answer.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
We all are in the same situation but yet it is not the same.

I remember when I first came here thinking, oh that's not me/him/us.

Then I realized that it was us! It's weird and crazy when you realize that. At first you are detached from others' situations and then the more you read, the more you can see yourself and your family in the same roles. In a way that feels good. For the first time I felt not alone. That's a wonderful feeling. My husband always says "misery loves company" and I guess in some ways that is true. It's not that we want others to suffer with us but it is good to know that we aren't the only one "on the island" which is how I felt for so very long until I came here. Then you feel maybe there is some kind of hope out there somewhere.

Hugs to all of those struggling.
 

Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
JMOM, not sure I rounded any corners, maybe just bumping into different walls.
I understand what is wrong and what I need to do to get myself away from it. What I am not getting is the power of emotions that hold me captive when I try to make a move.
It's like I am stuck in quicksand or in one of those dreams where you are screaming so loud but nothing is coming out of my mouth.
The stronghold of emotions is my main deterrent. Those, I don't feel I have control of. I can be fine and then BAM!!! Where the hell did that come from. Unfortunately it doesn't subside as quickly as it manifested.
I'm working on ways to handle this better.

Peace and Love All...
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
JMOM, not sure I rounded any corners, maybe just bumping into different walls.
I understand what is wrong and what I need to do to get myself away from it. What I am not getting is the power of emotions that hold me captive when I try to make a move.
It's like I am stuck in quicksand or in one of those dreams where you are screaming so loud but nothing is coming out of my mouth.
The stronghold of emotions is my main deterrent. Those, I don't feel I have control of. I can be fine and then BAM!!! Where the hell did that come from. Unfortunately it doesn't subside as quickly as it manifested.
I'm working on ways to handle this better.

Peace and Love All...

The only thing I have in my toolbox for the quicksand is eckhart tolle on youtube. 2 particular videos. One on being addicted to negative thinking and the other is a meditation that is supposed to be done awake. It makes me fall asleep and not think. I'll share the links. Sorry if I already did. He's kinda quirky but I think I dig it. I would watch them in this order because after you get used to his voice, it helps with the sleep meditation. I ended up watching 23 videos in one sitting. Guess I really needed help that night!

neg thinking:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j91ST2gtR44&t=25s
awake meditation that I do sleeping lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWEX3SRX7Ro&t=600s
 
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