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Parent Emeritus
Moving (physically) to help family cope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 641209"><p>Rktman- I know it's hard. And I am so sorry for that.</p><p></p><p>A move is stressful under any circumstances. It's often very isolating as you try to adjust to a new location, new routines and new people.</p><p></p><p>I too often felt and sometimes still feel that my difficult child has reflects badly on my family in our "busybody community." I've actually seen his former friends and their parents (who were once our friends) avoid us. When my difficult child got into a bit of trouble his junior year in HS - I can vividly remember quite a few parents looking down their noses at us. I feel like PC17 especially comes under extra scrutiny by his own friends' parents; I am pretty sure that quite a few have discouraged their kids from befriending PC17 or coming to our house. I can't say that I blame them - my difficult child's best friend's older brother was the person who introduced my difficult child to drugs.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, I remember the parents who reached out to me especially a few who closed ranks around me. I remember walking into the "mandatory parent/student sessions" at school (my kid had an athletic code violation his Jr year) and the look of mutual surprise on the faces of two close friends whose kids also had violations unbeknownst to any of us.</p><p></p><p>I've since learned (after living with it for 6 years) that yes - people talk. That some people fear that a difficult child is contagious. Others will judge your parenting or feel and act smug in your presence. But most of all - I've learned that nearly every family has a difficult child - be it a child, grandchild, sibling, parent, cousin, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle et al. And those people will try to reassure you and tell you how their own wild child (or themselves) grew up to be successful and on the straight and narrow. Or they will squeeze your hand and say "I get it". And some of those people who looked down their noses at you will call you a year or more later to meet for lunch because their own child has gone off the rails and they are looking for that magic panacea or how to cope.</p><p></p><p>It sounds as though you have deep roots in your community.Surely, people must know that your son's actions don't define your other family members? Moving is stressful even under the best of circumstances. You will be in a new location with new routines and may feel isolated. If there are others in the family, they may feel extra resentment toward your difficult child for necessitating this move.</p><p></p><p>Please know I am one of those people with a difficult child squeezing your hand and saying "I get it." Don't let the turkeys get you down. Hold your head high and model the behavior you seek. This too shall pass.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 641209"] Rktman- I know it's hard. And I am so sorry for that. A move is stressful under any circumstances. It's often very isolating as you try to adjust to a new location, new routines and new people. I too often felt and sometimes still feel that my difficult child has reflects badly on my family in our "busybody community." I've actually seen his former friends and their parents (who were once our friends) avoid us. When my difficult child got into a bit of trouble his junior year in HS - I can vividly remember quite a few parents looking down their noses at us. I feel like PC17 especially comes under extra scrutiny by his own friends' parents; I am pretty sure that quite a few have discouraged their kids from befriending PC17 or coming to our house. I can't say that I blame them - my difficult child's best friend's older brother was the person who introduced my difficult child to drugs. At the same time, I remember the parents who reached out to me especially a few who closed ranks around me. I remember walking into the "mandatory parent/student sessions" at school (my kid had an athletic code violation his Jr year) and the look of mutual surprise on the faces of two close friends whose kids also had violations unbeknownst to any of us. I've since learned (after living with it for 6 years) that yes - people talk. That some people fear that a difficult child is contagious. Others will judge your parenting or feel and act smug in your presence. But most of all - I've learned that nearly every family has a difficult child - be it a child, grandchild, sibling, parent, cousin, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle et al. And those people will try to reassure you and tell you how their own wild child (or themselves) grew up to be successful and on the straight and narrow. Or they will squeeze your hand and say "I get it". And some of those people who looked down their noses at you will call you a year or more later to meet for lunch because their own child has gone off the rails and they are looking for that magic panacea or how to cope. It sounds as though you have deep roots in your community.Surely, people must know that your son's actions don't define your other family members? Moving is stressful even under the best of circumstances. You will be in a new location with new routines and may feel isolated. If there are others in the family, they may feel extra resentment toward your difficult child for necessitating this move. Please know I am one of those people with a difficult child squeezing your hand and saying "I get it." Don't let the turkeys get you down. Hold your head high and model the behavior you seek. This too shall pass. [/QUOTE]
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