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Parent Emeritus
Moving toward grief and depression
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757473" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This has been the story of my life with my son.</p><p></p><p>I have come to the conclusion that the only person I can change is myself. I can change my thoughts, my perspective, my expectations and my behavior. I cannot influence my son. I cannot make him want more. I cannot make him value stability. I can't make him take care of his health. I can't make him think in a way that is reality-based. I can't make him plan and to see the consequences of what he chooses. I can't make him want to be near me, in a way that is loving and caring.</p><p></p><p>Nor can you do those things. We have each of us tried and tried and tried. I believe it's enough trying. And I believe with all of my heart it's enough suffering.</p><p></p><p>We don't know the destiny G-d has in mind for us. We don't know the real meaning of what befalls us. You know this.</p><p></p><p>I would say let Josh go. Take him at his word. the Maya Angelou saying, paraphrased,<em> When somebody tells you who he is, believe him. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Who cares if our sons are selfish jerks? They have to care. Our caring about it, does nothing at all. Let's give them to G-d. </p><p></p><p>What other way is there really that works? </p><p></p><p>The hardest thing for me is that my son has stopped his antivirals. Really, really, really I have to turn this over to G-d. There comes a time when we need to decide to save and protect ourselves. This is the time, I believe. I am sorry, Beta, this is so very hard. It's hard for me too. But we are doing this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757473, member: 18958"] This has been the story of my life with my son. I have come to the conclusion that the only person I can change is myself. I can change my thoughts, my perspective, my expectations and my behavior. I cannot influence my son. I cannot make him want more. I cannot make him value stability. I can't make him take care of his health. I can't make him think in a way that is reality-based. I can't make him plan and to see the consequences of what he chooses. I can't make him want to be near me, in a way that is loving and caring. Nor can you do those things. We have each of us tried and tried and tried. I believe it's enough trying. And I believe with all of my heart it's enough suffering. We don't know the destiny G-d has in mind for us. We don't know the real meaning of what befalls us. You know this. I would say let Josh go. Take him at his word. the Maya Angelou saying, paraphrased,[I] When somebody tells you who he is, believe him. [/I] Who cares if our sons are selfish jerks? They have to care. Our caring about it, does nothing at all. Let's give them to G-d. What other way is there really that works? The hardest thing for me is that my son has stopped his antivirals. Really, really, really I have to turn this over to G-d. There comes a time when we need to decide to save and protect ourselves. This is the time, I believe. I am sorry, Beta, this is so very hard. It's hard for me too. But we are doing this. [I][/I] [/QUOTE]
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Moving toward grief and depression
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