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Parent Emeritus
MrMike: Still in the same boat as 4 years ago
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 708914" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Think about your daughter. Does that help?</p><p></p><p>You are not kicking him out. He is choosing to leave by refusing to follow your reasonable house rules. His decision. How old is he? To me that matters. Do you want him on your couch at 30? Does he work? Pay rent? Use drugs? Even pot? Does he pay his own bills? Do you still buy him toys, including a car? Do you give him money? Cook for him? Clean for him?; Wash his clothes? Many kids start doing these things at twelve. Mine did. They have to learn to care for themselves. They HAVE to learn. And they must learn to survive without us. We can not live in this lifetime forever. Then what?</p><p></p><p>Is he going to pay for or fix the whole in your wall?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sometimes we think we are doing our grown kids a favor by treating them as if they are still minor children. But that is usually to make US feel better. It does them no good. Even if disabled, they need to learn to depend on services in the community because they will outlive us and suddenly be lost. We must stop thinking of them as the cute little boys they once were. They are men with low voices, muscles and beards.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes our good hearts hurt us and them, although that is not our intent.</p><p></p><p>Take care and maybe go for more counseling. Read "Codrpendent No More" by Melody Beattie.</p><p> Best book ever for parents who cant detach from a grown childs drama!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 708914, member: 1550"] Think about your daughter. Does that help? You are not kicking him out. He is choosing to leave by refusing to follow your reasonable house rules. His decision. How old is he? To me that matters. Do you want him on your couch at 30? Does he work? Pay rent? Use drugs? Even pot? Does he pay his own bills? Do you still buy him toys, including a car? Do you give him money? Cook for him? Clean for him?; Wash his clothes? Many kids start doing these things at twelve. Mine did. They have to learn to care for themselves. They HAVE to learn. And they must learn to survive without us. We can not live in this lifetime forever. Then what? Is he going to pay for or fix the whole in your wall? Sometimes we think we are doing our grown kids a favor by treating them as if they are still minor children. But that is usually to make US feel better. It does them no good. Even if disabled, they need to learn to depend on services in the community because they will outlive us and suddenly be lost. We must stop thinking of them as the cute little boys they once were. They are men with low voices, muscles and beards. Sometimes our good hearts hurt us and them, although that is not our intent. Take care and maybe go for more counseling. Read "Codrpendent No More" by Melody Beattie. Best book ever for parents who cant detach from a grown childs drama!! [/QUOTE]
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MrMike: Still in the same boat as 4 years ago
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