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MrMike: Still in the same boat as 4 years ago
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 708950" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>First I want to say how sorry I am you are having to deal with this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The biggest misconception a parent tells themselves is that "I can control" or "We can control"</p><p>We have no control over another human being.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand your son suffers from some mental illness but it should not be used as an excuse for his outburst and destructive behavior. Even with mental illness he needs to learn there are consequences to his actions. If it were me, I would have called the police. You are allowing your son to manipulate you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not kicking him out, you are liberating him to live his own life.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My son has survived many years being homeless. I don't like it but its his choice not mine. I get the heartbreak, I've been there but again, I nor you have any control over our adult children.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course you view him as helpless. You have enabled him by allowing him to live in your home while you and your wife take care of everything. There are many people with mental illness who function quite well in life but here's the thing, they have to choose to want to.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You would be amazed at how well homeless people function and manage to get by. I used to think the same thing about my son. Even when he would call me telling me he was going to freeze or starve to death, he managed without my help. I have learned over the years to not buy into his pleading. He is living the life he chose.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, you have enabled him. I get it. Sometimes we think it's just easier to do for them rather than to have them do for themselves. We don't want to see them struggle but it's through the struggle that they grow and become stronger.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)</p><p>Think 5, 10, 20, 30 years down the road. You will not always be here to take care of him. The sooner he starts to learn how to take care of himself the better your whole family will be.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you see a therapist. I would suggest that you work with them on helping you set some clear boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I would also suggest making it very clear to your son that if ever has another outburst like that, that you will call the police.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you decided to share with us. Please let us know how things are going. We care!!</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 708950, member: 18516"] First I want to say how sorry I am you are having to deal with this. The biggest misconception a parent tells themselves is that "I can control" or "We can control" We have no control over another human being. I understand your son suffers from some mental illness but it should not be used as an excuse for his outburst and destructive behavior. Even with mental illness he needs to learn there are consequences to his actions. If it were me, I would have called the police. You are allowing your son to manipulate you. You are not kicking him out, you are liberating him to live his own life. My son has survived many years being homeless. I don't like it but its his choice not mine. I get the heartbreak, I've been there but again, I nor you have any control over our adult children. Of course you view him as helpless. You have enabled him by allowing him to live in your home while you and your wife take care of everything. There are many people with mental illness who function quite well in life but here's the thing, they have to choose to want to. You would be amazed at how well homeless people function and manage to get by. I used to think the same thing about my son. Even when he would call me telling me he was going to freeze or starve to death, he managed without my help. I have learned over the years to not buy into his pleading. He is living the life he chose. Again, you have enabled him. I get it. Sometimes we think it's just easier to do for them rather than to have them do for themselves. We don't want to see them struggle but it's through the struggle that they grow and become stronger. You are stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) Think 5, 10, 20, 30 years down the road. You will not always be here to take care of him. The sooner he starts to learn how to take care of himself the better your whole family will be. I'm glad that you see a therapist. I would suggest that you work with them on helping you set some clear boundaries. I would also suggest making it very clear to your son that if ever has another outburst like that, that you will call the police. I'm so glad you decided to share with us. Please let us know how things are going. We care!! Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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MrMike: Still in the same boat as 4 years ago
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