Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Much Anxiety
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763037" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Aloha PJean,</p><p>I am so sorry for your challenges with your daughter, I also suffer from a broken heart with <em>two </em>wayward, meth addicted daughters, it often feels like pieces of me are missing. I go through cycles where I can give my two in prayer to God and it calms me, and other times when I have to resist the urge to go out looking for them. </p><p></p><p></p><p>My younger daughter of the two has been in and out of jail. This time around, I decided to stop picking up the phone, to stop paying into her account. I don’t hear anything from her when she is using, I am the first on the list when she is in jail. It was hard at first not to pick up the phone. Heart breaking, yes. She sent me a letter and “apologized” for being such an <em>inconvenience, </em>which actually helped me to keep my resolve for no contact. It was for my sake, and the sake of my grandchildren. An inconvenience? Really? We have been through years of heart wrenching drama, worry, fear, manipulation, abandonment on her kids, the list goes on. My granddaughter now 14 says “Tutu, my mom needs to learn to take care of herself.” So true, she is going to be 34 and there are many resources available to her for help with sobriety, jobs and housing. </p><p></p><p>That’s the elephant in the room for some of our wayward adult kids. Wanting to be around family. My eldest is the exception I think, I hear nothing from her. Do they want to be around to be a part of a normal family relationship, or make life easier for them (and miserable for us) to continue “as is.” My daughter asks to come home and it is hard to say no, but completely necessary. </p><p>I am sorry you are going through this, I understand the relief when our troubled adult kids are in jail and the fear when they are released. </p><p>I bought a motion activated camera and installed it on my front porch. It wasn’t hard to install and there is an application that sends notifications to my phone. I can see who is on my property. That helps ease the worry. </p><p>Keep up your resolve and do what is best for you. Our adult children will choose as they do, with nary a thought of how their lifestyles affect us. As long as they are using, we become dehumanized in their eyes, more of an opportunity, than family. It does them, or us no good to keep going down that pathway. Someone has to choose a different route, and that I believe begins with us learning to say no. Love says no. No, this is not healthy for either of us. No, I will not make you comfortable in jail. My daughter spoke of unconditional love. I can love her from afar and set healthy boundaries until she decides to really turn her life around and stop using drugs and using the people who love her the most.</p><p>Stay strong PJ. You are on the right path.</p><p>Love and (((hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763037, member: 19522"] Aloha PJean, I am so sorry for your challenges with your daughter, I also suffer from a broken heart with [I]two [/I]wayward, meth addicted daughters, it often feels like pieces of me are missing. I go through cycles where I can give my two in prayer to God and it calms me, and other times when I have to resist the urge to go out looking for them. My younger daughter of the two has been in and out of jail. This time around, I decided to stop picking up the phone, to stop paying into her account. I don’t hear anything from her when she is using, I am the first on the list when she is in jail. It was hard at first not to pick up the phone. Heart breaking, yes. She sent me a letter and “apologized” for being such an [I]inconvenience, [/I]which actually helped me to keep my resolve for no contact. It was for my sake, and the sake of my grandchildren. An inconvenience? Really? We have been through years of heart wrenching drama, worry, fear, manipulation, abandonment on her kids, the list goes on. My granddaughter now 14 says “Tutu, my mom needs to learn to take care of herself.” So true, she is going to be 34 and there are many resources available to her for help with sobriety, jobs and housing. That’s the elephant in the room for some of our wayward adult kids. Wanting to be around family. My eldest is the exception I think, I hear nothing from her. Do they want to be around to be a part of a normal family relationship, or make life easier for them (and miserable for us) to continue “as is.” My daughter asks to come home and it is hard to say no, but completely necessary. I am sorry you are going through this, I understand the relief when our troubled adult kids are in jail and the fear when they are released. I bought a motion activated camera and installed it on my front porch. It wasn’t hard to install and there is an application that sends notifications to my phone. I can see who is on my property. That helps ease the worry. Keep up your resolve and do what is best for you. Our adult children will choose as they do, with nary a thought of how their lifestyles affect us. As long as they are using, we become dehumanized in their eyes, more of an opportunity, than family. It does them, or us no good to keep going down that pathway. Someone has to choose a different route, and that I believe begins with us learning to say no. Love says no. No, this is not healthy for either of us. No, I will not make you comfortable in jail. My daughter spoke of unconditional love. I can love her from afar and set healthy boundaries until she decides to really turn her life around and stop using drugs and using the people who love her the most. Stay strong PJ. You are on the right path. Love and (((hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Much Anxiety
Top