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Multiple traffic tickets and maybe needs an attorney--any advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 666846" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Origami...it's good to see you even though I am sorry for the reason.</p><p></p><p>Don't beat yourself up for one more minute for helping him get a car. You did what you thought was best at the time and that is all any of us can ever do. It is perfectly okay and your decision that you did that. Put that one behind you. I would have done the very same thing myself. </p><p></p><p>He just wasn't ready for that responsibility. He has made several more mistakes now, digging a hole for himself, even though other things sound like they are still going well, like his job. Which is great! I'm celebrating the successes he HAS had. </p><p></p><p>But...my view is that you do not help him dig out of the hole he has dug. He needs to solve those problems himself. If you can, ;et the natural consequences occur. That is how we and he will learn. That is the<strong> only</strong> way we will learn.</p><p></p><p>You still know a lot about recovery from enabling...don't underestimate what you know. You made a measured, calculated decision based on what was going on then. That is always good to do.</p><p></p><p>But now...Go slow and let things play out. Don't put yourself at risk. That means your money too.</p><p></p><p>Give him a chance to take steps to handle his own situation. Even if they don't make sense to you and it's not what you would do. This is a prime learning opportunity for him. </p><p></p><p>If your name is on the car, and he ends up with no insurance and that places you at risk, you can take the steps (at that time) to ensure he doesn't drive. But let it play out, one decision at a time. You don't have try to figure every one of the moving parts out right now.</p><p></p><p>And...you already know the drill on finding some peace inside yourself. Focus on you, say the serenity prayer, write it all out in your journal (brain and heart dump), take a walk, take a nap, buy some flowers for your kitchen table. Use your tools to quiet your heart and mind.</p><p></p><p>Tell yourself this is not an emergency (it isn't as nobody is bleeding) and slow it all way way down. I have learned that slowing things down is a great first step. </p><p></p><p>We are here for you. He is learning and it's a messy business. It doesn't mean all is lost. Hang in there...Warm hugs tonight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 666846, member: 17542"] Hi Origami...it's good to see you even though I am sorry for the reason. Don't beat yourself up for one more minute for helping him get a car. You did what you thought was best at the time and that is all any of us can ever do. It is perfectly okay and your decision that you did that. Put that one behind you. I would have done the very same thing myself. He just wasn't ready for that responsibility. He has made several more mistakes now, digging a hole for himself, even though other things sound like they are still going well, like his job. Which is great! I'm celebrating the successes he HAS had. But...my view is that you do not help him dig out of the hole he has dug. He needs to solve those problems himself. If you can, ;et the natural consequences occur. That is how we and he will learn. That is the[B] only[/B] way we will learn. You still know a lot about recovery from enabling...don't underestimate what you know. You made a measured, calculated decision based on what was going on then. That is always good to do. But now...Go slow and let things play out. Don't put yourself at risk. That means your money too. Give him a chance to take steps to handle his own situation. Even if they don't make sense to you and it's not what you would do. This is a prime learning opportunity for him. If your name is on the car, and he ends up with no insurance and that places you at risk, you can take the steps (at that time) to ensure he doesn't drive. But let it play out, one decision at a time. You don't have try to figure every one of the moving parts out right now. And...you already know the drill on finding some peace inside yourself. Focus on you, say the serenity prayer, write it all out in your journal (brain and heart dump), take a walk, take a nap, buy some flowers for your kitchen table. Use your tools to quiet your heart and mind. Tell yourself this is not an emergency (it isn't as nobody is bleeding) and slow it all way way down. I have learned that slowing things down is a great first step. We are here for you. He is learning and it's a messy business. It doesn't mean all is lost. Hang in there...Warm hugs tonight. [/QUOTE]
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Multiple traffic tickets and maybe needs an attorney--any advice?
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