Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa! I am an evil wife!

[gcvmom]

husband got a double dose of difficult child's today when he decided to take the boys out to see the 2:45pm showing of the new doomsday movie "2012."

Came home in a bit of an agitated state. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

He'd asked difficult child 1 if he still had his movie gift certificates. difficult child 1 confirmed that he had THREE. husband wasn't too happy about the theater they had to drive to in order to use the tickets, but the free movie for all of them would make up for the gas to get there.

Turns out, when they got there difficult child 1 only had ONE gift certificate with him (Lesson Number ONE: Never accept difficult child 1's word at face value. ALWAYS doublecheck and get a visual confirmation).

THEN he found out that difficult child 1's particular gift certificate was not good on the first weeked of a movie's release (it came out on Friday -- which brings me to Lesson Number TWO: Always verify a coupon's/certificate's validity before leaving home). His voice is a few decibles louder in his retelling of it by now.

So he opts to shell out the money anyway (I didn't risk pointing out that he CHOSE to do that, and could have chosen OTHERWISE, i.e. Lesson Number THREE: You always have a choice. Besides, I like my head where it sits on my shoulders).

During the movie, difficult child 1 could not bear to sit next to difficult child 2 who was a little wound up, as he has been most of today for whatever reason, and was bouncing around in his seat too much. So there was some conflict and agitation going on. Lesson Number FOUR: Always place an adult between difficult child's whenever possible.

The seats were uncomfortable for husband, whose back has been bothering him for some time now. That probably didn't help his frame of mind.

After the show, difficult child 2 started with the "I want to's": I want to go to GameStop, I want to go to Jack-in-the-Box, I want to... He was probably hungry since he only ate a bagel for lunch and the movie was 2 hours and 38 minutes long. And he was probably overstimulated since it was a very action-packed in-your-face kind of movie. Lesson Number FIVE: Always ensure difficult child's are adequately fed before embarking on an adventure, and ALWAYS set expectations ahead of time. It avoids squirrelly behavior and arguments at the end of the day.

So yeah, I quietly chuckled with my back to husband as he ranted for about 20 minutes after they got home. Then I fed everyone dinner and now the house is relatively quiet!

 

[Marguerite]

Oh, I can so relate to this!

Which brings me to Lesson No 6 - recruit thy husband to regularly lurk, nay post, on this site so he can learn it for himself!

Marg

 

[gcvmom]

Oh gosh, then I'd actually have to curb my tongue once in a while! What fun is THAT?!

 

[Marguerite]

I keep telling myself, the aim of the exercise is to work as a team to help our kids.

over and over...

Marg

 

[gcvmom]

and over... and over....

 

[Star*]

Rule #7 -

Never under estimate the power of a woman left alone to her own vices.

Rule #8 -

It will require TWO pillows to stifle the laughter from the woman in rule #7 laughing from the tragedies of little known and ill-followed rules #1-5 by man with poor planning skills. & Friend in post suggesting rule #6

 

[serenityprayer]

Oh my goodness....that sounded like a story I could tell!

I would have turned around and chuckled too! U have earned it! hee hee!!!!

 

[KTMom91]

Beautiful!

But did husband retain this useful information?

 

[gcvmom]

Actually, Mary, he got defensive when I suggested he separate the difficult child's or that difficult child 2 was hungry and overstimulated, saying "So it's all MY fault!" That's typical for him to say, though. He's very insecure. At least now when he feels defensive he doesn't have a nuclear meltdown like he used to before medications! He just whines a little and I tell him to shut up and get over it!

 

[Marguerite]

Oh, honestly! It's not about fault, you idiotic man, it's about learning form it and remembering for next time.

So often we make mistakes with our kids by focussing on blame. This teaches kids to focus on blame and the more you think this way, the more your thinking becomes black and white and also very selfish. Everything revolves around "Is it my fault? If not, who can I blame?"

Often fault does not come into it. Somtimes events are just events. A pleasant experience, or a not so pleasant experience. Not necessarily bad, not good. Just different. And we need to think in terms of "What could I have done differently, to improve the experience for us all?"

Person A might have sat between the boys but not thought to feed them. Prson B might had fed them popcorn, let thme share a giant bucket and ignored all spills, happily buying more popcorn as it got demolished. The boys would have probably been a lot happier even with sharing, once thye realised the supply was bottomless.
Which would be judgeed as getting it right, or wrong? Neither. Both failed Occupational Therapist (OT) do it perfectly. But which of them did better than husband did? Both of them. But it could also have been far worse for husband. He obviously did a lot of things right. He got the kids there and back without bloodhsed. Nobody broke a leg or a nose. They watched the film despite the problems. There were obstacles, he made choices and followed through.

The main problem now IS of husband's making - he is whining about tings but refusing to learn from the experience, trying to find ways to assign blame when actually, this is not a blame issue.

Society is too focussed on blame. We need to break this bad habit so we can help our kids feel better about their attempts.

Marg

 

[gcvmom]

Yup, you're right, Marg. He grew up in a VERY blame-oriented home. There is so much horrible baggage he and his siblings have because of it. But he has come a long way, and will at least listen to me after he gets the intial knee-jerk reaction out of his system. Whereas, before he would simply blow up and we'd never be able to discuss it. So there's progress, not perfection

 

[Marguerite]

oh, that sounds so familiar...

Marg