I found this site through a desperate google search inspired by sadness surrounding a situation with my 18-year-old son. He started smoking pot a year ago and hanging with drug-using friends, including a new g/f. My family (I have two other children) have always been very close and loving -- extremely tight-knit. My other children love to spend time with me and siblings whenever possible. Last year, my husband died. So, for the first time in my life, I am alone. The summer after my SO died, my 18-year-old graduated and then began lying and not showing up at family events. That's when we found out about the drug use. I immediately laid down rules and when he kept ignoring them, I threw his stuff in garbage bags and changed the locks. Two days later, he told me he would stop and he came home, but I made him pay rent. In the fall, his g/f got an apartment and wanted him to move in. I warned him about budgets (he doesn't have enough money to pay all of his bills) but, of course, he thinks I am worried over nothing, so I am sure he will learn the good old-fashioned hard way. My problem now is this: my contact with him is always initiated by me. When his siblings are in town, he tells me he will come over to be with the family, and when he does, it's wonderful, but he often doesn't show. As I write this post, his dinner he asked me to save for him last night is dried up in the microwave and his sister is pissed because he never came home, even though he said, "see you tonight" and when we called and texted, he said he was coming. We can't believe him or trust him. I'm terrified he will do more than pot. He dropped out of the simple community college classes he was taking and has no foreseeable direction. I know he's young, and it's clear he wants to hang out with friends, which I know is normal for a young adult. But how do I handle the disappointment and constant rejection ESPECIALLY at a time like this, when our family has been ripped apart by death? I just need someone to tell me this is normal and is just a phase he's going through. I can't bear to lose another person from my pack.