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Substance Abuse
My 18 year old son and pot
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 666905" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>OK here is my take.... I have a son who is 23 and has put us through the wringer with his behavior and substance abuse issues. We did have to kick him out when he was 18 which was very hard and we have also been through him being homeless which is awful to go through. I also have a 20 year old daughter in college who is doing very well. My son is again in rehab and seems to be doing well. I tell you all this to let you know that my thoughts come from lots of experience.</p><p></p><p>So first of all to the 18+ crowd pot is no bid deal.... and our society seems to agree with them given that pot is becoming legal in some places and that seems to be the wave of the future. Personally I think this is a mistake but it seems to be the way of the future. Drinking is also common in this age group which I actually think in some ways is more worrisome. So I dont think the fact that your son is smoking pot in and of itself is a huge issue. Yes it is worrisome and yes you should keep a watchful eye but I think it is important not to overreact.</p><p></p><p>Your son has been through a lot of changes in the last year and this is hard. Pot is certainly not a good way to deal with his feelings and that is worrisome.... and of course the cutting is also very worrisome. I am glad you got him help for that and hopefully he knows he can get help for any tough things he is dealing with. </p><p></p><p>I think the most important thing you can do is to try and keep your relationship with him intact and strong. Hard to do with this age group as they are trying to spread their wings.</p><p></p><p>I think contracts are often a good idea because it makes really clear what the rules are and what he needs to do to keep living with you. HOWEVER I would not make smoking or not smoking pot directly a part of the contract. You have no control over if he does or does not smoke pot. And it puts you in the position of having to police him.... and drug test him which is a whole other can of worms. One huge problem with drug testing for pot is there are many synthetic forms of pot out there which do not show up on drug tests and they are more dangerous than regular pot. And there are ways to get around the drug tests.... so my suggestion is to avoid going there.</p><p></p><p>What I would do is focus on behavior..... things you expect from him and would expect from any roommate really. Certainly you can be clear there are to be no drugs in your home as that brings you into the whole illegality of it.... but I would steer clear of a condition that you will kick him out if he keeps smoking pot. Then you might have to follow through.... and really kicking a son out out is incredibly painful and can be very very worrisome. In our case I think we had to do it, but from what you have said it doesnt sound like you are at that point.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 666905, member: 15801"] OK here is my take.... I have a son who is 23 and has put us through the wringer with his behavior and substance abuse issues. We did have to kick him out when he was 18 which was very hard and we have also been through him being homeless which is awful to go through. I also have a 20 year old daughter in college who is doing very well. My son is again in rehab and seems to be doing well. I tell you all this to let you know that my thoughts come from lots of experience. So first of all to the 18+ crowd pot is no bid deal.... and our society seems to agree with them given that pot is becoming legal in some places and that seems to be the wave of the future. Personally I think this is a mistake but it seems to be the way of the future. Drinking is also common in this age group which I actually think in some ways is more worrisome. So I dont think the fact that your son is smoking pot in and of itself is a huge issue. Yes it is worrisome and yes you should keep a watchful eye but I think it is important not to overreact. Your son has been through a lot of changes in the last year and this is hard. Pot is certainly not a good way to deal with his feelings and that is worrisome.... and of course the cutting is also very worrisome. I am glad you got him help for that and hopefully he knows he can get help for any tough things he is dealing with. I think the most important thing you can do is to try and keep your relationship with him intact and strong. Hard to do with this age group as they are trying to spread their wings. I think contracts are often a good idea because it makes really clear what the rules are and what he needs to do to keep living with you. HOWEVER I would not make smoking or not smoking pot directly a part of the contract. You have no control over if he does or does not smoke pot. And it puts you in the position of having to police him.... and drug test him which is a whole other can of worms. One huge problem with drug testing for pot is there are many synthetic forms of pot out there which do not show up on drug tests and they are more dangerous than regular pot. And there are ways to get around the drug tests.... so my suggestion is to avoid going there. What I would do is focus on behavior..... things you expect from him and would expect from any roommate really. Certainly you can be clear there are to be no drugs in your home as that brings you into the whole illegality of it.... but I would steer clear of a condition that you will kick him out if he keeps smoking pot. Then you might have to follow through.... and really kicking a son out out is incredibly painful and can be very very worrisome. In our case I think we had to do it, but from what you have said it doesnt sound like you are at that point. Good luck and keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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