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Substance Abuse
My 19 Year old dope smoking son
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 654943" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I agree with others.... you cannot control his substance use. Unfortunately, I sure wish we could and I have sure tried with my son and it never worked. The thing to focus on is not the substance abuse directly but the behavior that may come from it. So yes look at the grades, if he is tanking in all his classes do you still want to help pay for school? Or will he still get scholorship/loan funds? If you think he is driving under the influence then he should not be driving. If he starts being disrespectful to you then deal with that. If he steals from you then deal with that issue. In other words focus on the behavior and deal with that directly..... and definitely support the good things he is doing.</p><p></p><p>Kicking him out can be a very tough road. It is a road I know because I have been there. We had to kick my son out when he was 18 because of his behavior (due to his drug use I am sure) but he threatened me and I was worried about my younger daughter. It was a very hard time for all of us. He lived with friends for a while and then ended up homeless and on the sreets for a couple of months. That was definitely a very tough time for me. It was awful really..... I am sure my experiences with that are in these archives somewhere! So really I do not recommend kicking a kid out unless you really feel you have to for safety sake..... cause it can be gruelling for you!!</p><p></p><p>I am now in a very different place with my son. He is a bit older now (23), and is living out of state but the big thing is he is working and holding down a job which is huge. He is mostly supporting himself although we are helping him out here and there. I know he is drinking and probably smoking pot but I no longer ask him about it. I know if his drug use gets really bad that he will crash and burn and it will become obvious. At this point he is talking to us, sharing a bit more with us, and doing a lot of good things too. He is trying to get his life together and really he is the only one who can.</p><p></p><p>If you can find an alanon program for parents I really recommend it... it has helped me immensely to get to this place we are at now.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 654943, member: 15801"] I agree with others.... you cannot control his substance use. Unfortunately, I sure wish we could and I have sure tried with my son and it never worked. The thing to focus on is not the substance abuse directly but the behavior that may come from it. So yes look at the grades, if he is tanking in all his classes do you still want to help pay for school? Or will he still get scholorship/loan funds? If you think he is driving under the influence then he should not be driving. If he starts being disrespectful to you then deal with that. If he steals from you then deal with that issue. In other words focus on the behavior and deal with that directly..... and definitely support the good things he is doing. Kicking him out can be a very tough road. It is a road I know because I have been there. We had to kick my son out when he was 18 because of his behavior (due to his drug use I am sure) but he threatened me and I was worried about my younger daughter. It was a very hard time for all of us. He lived with friends for a while and then ended up homeless and on the sreets for a couple of months. That was definitely a very tough time for me. It was awful really..... I am sure my experiences with that are in these archives somewhere! So really I do not recommend kicking a kid out unless you really feel you have to for safety sake..... cause it can be gruelling for you!! I am now in a very different place with my son. He is a bit older now (23), and is living out of state but the big thing is he is working and holding down a job which is huge. He is mostly supporting himself although we are helping him out here and there. I know he is drinking and probably smoking pot but I no longer ask him about it. I know if his drug use gets really bad that he will crash and burn and it will become obvious. At this point he is talking to us, sharing a bit more with us, and doing a lot of good things too. He is trying to get his life together and really he is the only one who can. If you can find an alanon program for parents I really recommend it... it has helped me immensely to get to this place we are at now. TL [/QUOTE]
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My 19 Year old dope smoking son
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