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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 671905" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome Lost Soul 1...we are glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for the situation with your son. I know you love him very much and want only to see him better.</p><p></p><p>I also know that getting better takes THEM wanting to get better and then to fight for their own lives, seek help, take the help and then stick with it. I know you know.</p><p></p><p>My son struggled with anxiety and depression too, and I believe much of his drug and alcohol use was for self-medication. To make himself feel better. He didn't want to go to therapy or see professionals about his feelings. In fact, he only wanted to lay around and play video games too, and not go to class or turn in homework...it got worse and worse as his drug and alcohol use escalated. Does your son use or abuse substances? </p><p></p><p>You asked how to detach from the outcome of what he does or doesn't do? Yes, that is the key question, and has been for all of us here. So please know we understand and we know how hard it is.</p><p></p><p>The answer is this: You have to work hard at it. I would suggest getting involved in programs like NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill)---they have programs and support for parents. Also, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon if your son has alcohol or drug problems. I have found enormous support in Al-Anon and I continue to go to weekly meetings now, even though my son is much better. It is a program for all of my life, in learning how to let go, accept, find peace and joy and serenity in my own life, to live a life of honesty.</p><p></p><p>Also...books like CoDependent No More, Boundaries...Al-Anon literature, journaling, meditation, setting boundaries with your son, limiting contact for a while (fewer phone calls, texts, emails, visits).</p><p></p><p>You need time for you. You need time and space and quiet so you can get better, heal from the trauma of dealing with this situation, rest, find some joy and peace, some clarity of thought and function.</p><p></p><p>I don't know about you, but I had a very hard time functioning when I was in the thick of it with my son. It was all I could do to get up every day and do the basic things. I couldn't focus and I was a mass of emotions---grief, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt, learning to live with uncertainty. I didn't know how to deal with any of it, and I tortured myself by thinking about him and wondering about him obsessively.</p><p></p><p>I had to learn how to unhook from all of that, and learn to let go of my adult son, let him be homeless, be in jail, not know where he was...over and over and over again for nearly 5 years it went on. There were a lot of ups and downs for me, but overall, over those years, I got stronger and better and more able to deal with it all, the calls to the police, the arrests, the calls of for money, lawyers, help. There were times that I did help him again and there were times that I did not. I had to think and decide each time. It was really hard and exhausting.</p><p></p><p>I truly believe that my getting out of his way and letting him go was one of the reasons he is on a better path today. As long as I kept on being embroiled in his life, and he didn't take responsibility, there was no space or room for him to hit the rock bottom he needed to hit before he would grab hold and start the long long process of reclaiming his life. </p><p></p><p>We have to change our thinking....and then we can start changing our actions...and we have to learn how to deal with very strong and uncomfortable feelings without acting or reacting to them. This is new behavior for us and we have to LEARN how to do it. It sure doesn't come naturally, in fact it feels very unnatural and wrong. </p><p></p><p>Please share more about his background and especially about any substance abuse. If he is abusing drugs or alcohol you won't be able to see any progress with any mental health issues until that is treated or arrested. </p><p></p><p>We are here for you, no matter what. We know how agonizing this is. Please keep sharing here. You are welcome here with us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 671905, member: 17542"] Welcome Lost Soul 1...we are glad you found us. I'm so sorry for the situation with your son. I know you love him very much and want only to see him better. I also know that getting better takes THEM wanting to get better and then to fight for their own lives, seek help, take the help and then stick with it. I know you know. My son struggled with anxiety and depression too, and I believe much of his drug and alcohol use was for self-medication. To make himself feel better. He didn't want to go to therapy or see professionals about his feelings. In fact, he only wanted to lay around and play video games too, and not go to class or turn in homework...it got worse and worse as his drug and alcohol use escalated. Does your son use or abuse substances? You asked how to detach from the outcome of what he does or doesn't do? Yes, that is the key question, and has been for all of us here. So please know we understand and we know how hard it is. The answer is this: You have to work hard at it. I would suggest getting involved in programs like NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill)---they have programs and support for parents. Also, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon if your son has alcohol or drug problems. I have found enormous support in Al-Anon and I continue to go to weekly meetings now, even though my son is much better. It is a program for all of my life, in learning how to let go, accept, find peace and joy and serenity in my own life, to live a life of honesty. Also...books like CoDependent No More, Boundaries...Al-Anon literature, journaling, meditation, setting boundaries with your son, limiting contact for a while (fewer phone calls, texts, emails, visits). You need time for you. You need time and space and quiet so you can get better, heal from the trauma of dealing with this situation, rest, find some joy and peace, some clarity of thought and function. I don't know about you, but I had a very hard time functioning when I was in the thick of it with my son. It was all I could do to get up every day and do the basic things. I couldn't focus and I was a mass of emotions---grief, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt, learning to live with uncertainty. I didn't know how to deal with any of it, and I tortured myself by thinking about him and wondering about him obsessively. I had to learn how to unhook from all of that, and learn to let go of my adult son, let him be homeless, be in jail, not know where he was...over and over and over again for nearly 5 years it went on. There were a lot of ups and downs for me, but overall, over those years, I got stronger and better and more able to deal with it all, the calls to the police, the arrests, the calls of for money, lawyers, help. There were times that I did help him again and there were times that I did not. I had to think and decide each time. It was really hard and exhausting. I truly believe that my getting out of his way and letting him go was one of the reasons he is on a better path today. As long as I kept on being embroiled in his life, and he didn't take responsibility, there was no space or room for him to hit the rock bottom he needed to hit before he would grab hold and start the long long process of reclaiming his life. We have to change our thinking....and then we can start changing our actions...and we have to learn how to deal with very strong and uncomfortable feelings without acting or reacting to them. This is new behavior for us and we have to LEARN how to do it. It sure doesn't come naturally, in fact it feels very unnatural and wrong. Please share more about his background and especially about any substance abuse. If he is abusing drugs or alcohol you won't be able to see any progress with any mental health issues until that is treated or arrested. We are here for you, no matter what. We know how agonizing this is. Please keep sharing here. You are welcome here with us. [/QUOTE]
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