- I will briefly share my story. it is very different, yet no less heartwrenching while I was going through it.
My daughter started using pot at twelve and escalated quickly. I never heard of this board. The internet was rather new. I listened to Al Anon. Im glad I had that.
By nineteen she had to leave. She was affecting my two younger kids and keeping her with us wasn't working. We made her leave and offered no money or help or anything because we were told...tough love. She found a rather unsympathetic relative in another state to stay with and before she left she screamed, "I will hate you forever!"
I cried for three weeks.
Her drugs of choice were any speed or meth and she snorted it. She was afraid of needles, which probably saved her from being a heroin addict because she tried it twice, but did not inject it She had been on parole twice. Didnt phaze her. She was being chased by drug dealers. We didn't know how bad it had been until she told us, after she quit. She had been dragged to a park and assaulted there, but she didn't tell us that either. Drug addicts don't let us know how bad it is and anything they do tell us is usually a lie. Or part lie.
My daughter quit everything once she moved out. She cut contact with every single drug using friend and stayed drug free. Her new boyfriend helped her detox, she says. She never went to rehab. I didn't even know about them. She didnt go to NA meetings. She just hated her life and turned it completely around. She says once she decided she was truly done, she was done. She is very strong willed and stubborn and was going to do this.
Twelve years later she is still with her boyfriend and they have a two year old sweetie, my granddaughter. My daughter put herself through a two year pastry chef college course. She took out a loan. She paid it back on her own. She and boyfriend own a house. It is hard to believe she was ever a druggie but she was.
These are my thoughts and combined with those of my daughter.
Drug users dont quit when we make ultimatums or even if we send them to rehab unless they truly want to quit. You will not have to wonder if they mean it when they are done with drugs. You will see a new person.
Trolli, if you only have enough money for one go at rehab, be careful. It is unusual to quit the first try. My daughter had tried three other times. but was obviously not serious enough or, as she says, her cronies pressured her back into drug use. She had to leave the state with no forwarding address. And stay away fron druggies in her new state, which she did. She was lonely for a long job with nothing much to do but walk to work and back.
This is not for the faint of heared parents nor should anyone think going to rehab will do the trick. Some of our kids dont even admit to themselves that they are addicts. They have to be ready to quit; they need to want to quit more than we want them to. Or they won't. It's hard.
in my opinion the worst thing we can do is act like we feel sorry for them, even though we do. The more we do for them, the more they manipulate us and don't suffer snd suffering is in my opinion necessary to quit.
Keep expectations low the first time. Dont spend all your money. Don't do things for them that they can do for themselves. Cut to the bone...money, toys, extras. Make using drugs so awful for them that they really, truly feel they need to quit.
I know that this is not what most want to hear but I brlieve its truthful. Hugs to all.
Good luck
