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Substance Abuse
My 20 yr.old son is giving up
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628438" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You probably gave your son all the love in the world. It was his decisions that are making things worse for him. Most of us have reasonable house rules: Clean up your room, help a little with chores, no illegal activities, get a job or go to school, be a decent person and get along with the family. That's really not much or hard for most eighteen and older young adults. Most do it.</p><p></p><p>Now for a difficult child. For some reason, mental illness, drug abuse (usually both), personality disorders (very difficult to get help for), our difficult children have a private war against society and rules, ours and the world at large. They need help, but have an attitude about getting help and their main goal is to stay a child, make us feel bad, trick us into funding mostly their drug use (although they were guilt us out and say it's for food or clothes, etc.) and have no problem with lying. Then they act puzzled, at least to us, when they end up in serious trouble and want us to pay their way out of the trouble, but rarely do they learn from our kindness. And, yes, jail is good for some kids. They are able to think and are apart from their bad influences, although there are plenty of new bad influences in jail. However, the outcome is up to him. It doesn't seem as if he is very interested in obeying the rules, even though there is a warrant for his arrest. What can you do about it? </p><p>Not much. We've all tried to change our difficult children. Mine is 36. He was a problem from toddlerhood. He is still a problem. I am more able to deal with it and accept it now. I'm tired of it and tired of him when he is in a bad mood. You have a journey to walk and nobody knows where that journey will take you.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is rightfully very angry at your son who is breaking the law repeatedly. Why shouldn't he be angry? He knows your son can do better. Unless your son is cognitively disabled or physically handicapped, he CAN do better. And there is help out there for him. He is choosing to not do better. Suicide threats are common with difficult children. Sadly, none of us can be sure they won't do it, but I've been on this board for over a decade and don't recall any of the posters having had that happen, although difficult children use that all the time as the ultimate "do what I want you to do or else." It can be a form of controlling us, but my son stopped doing it because I started calling 911 whenever he did. It was the only thing I could do to help him if he was serious about it. I don't think he ever was serious about it though. </p><p></p><p>Likely your son is using more drugs than just pot.</p><p></p><p>I will leave you with my favorite bit of wisdom. Since you are a Christian, it should make a lot of sense to you, and, really, you've probably heard it before, but try to analyze it. It is wisdom in three lines.</p><p></p><p>God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change,</p><p>the COURAGE to change the things I can,</p><p>and the WISDOM to know the diference.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628438, member: 1550"] You probably gave your son all the love in the world. It was his decisions that are making things worse for him. Most of us have reasonable house rules: Clean up your room, help a little with chores, no illegal activities, get a job or go to school, be a decent person and get along with the family. That's really not much or hard for most eighteen and older young adults. Most do it. Now for a difficult child. For some reason, mental illness, drug abuse (usually both), personality disorders (very difficult to get help for), our difficult children have a private war against society and rules, ours and the world at large. They need help, but have an attitude about getting help and their main goal is to stay a child, make us feel bad, trick us into funding mostly their drug use (although they were guilt us out and say it's for food or clothes, etc.) and have no problem with lying. Then they act puzzled, at least to us, when they end up in serious trouble and want us to pay their way out of the trouble, but rarely do they learn from our kindness. And, yes, jail is good for some kids. They are able to think and are apart from their bad influences, although there are plenty of new bad influences in jail. However, the outcome is up to him. It doesn't seem as if he is very interested in obeying the rules, even though there is a warrant for his arrest. What can you do about it? Not much. We've all tried to change our difficult children. Mine is 36. He was a problem from toddlerhood. He is still a problem. I am more able to deal with it and accept it now. I'm tired of it and tired of him when he is in a bad mood. You have a journey to walk and nobody knows where that journey will take you. Your husband is rightfully very angry at your son who is breaking the law repeatedly. Why shouldn't he be angry? He knows your son can do better. Unless your son is cognitively disabled or physically handicapped, he CAN do better. And there is help out there for him. He is choosing to not do better. Suicide threats are common with difficult children. Sadly, none of us can be sure they won't do it, but I've been on this board for over a decade and don't recall any of the posters having had that happen, although difficult children use that all the time as the ultimate "do what I want you to do or else." It can be a form of controlling us, but my son stopped doing it because I started calling 911 whenever he did. It was the only thing I could do to help him if he was serious about it. I don't think he ever was serious about it though. Likely your son is using more drugs than just pot. I will leave you with my favorite bit of wisdom. Since you are a Christian, it should make a lot of sense to you, and, really, you've probably heard it before, but try to analyze it. It is wisdom in three lines. God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the diference. [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr.old son is giving up
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