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Substance Abuse
My 29 year old son is homeless and addicted, and 700 miles from me...
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<blockquote data-quote="SeaGenieTx" data-source="post: 674709" data-attributes="member: 18773"><p>Dear Pam_54, I am so sorry. All of us know exactly how you feel and the gut wrenching pain and worry you are experiencing. As much as you want to run to his rescue, do exactly what New Leaf said.....stop, slow down, think it through before you make a mad dash out the door.</p><p></p><p>I've been where you are at - in a state of panic wanting to find and rescue my son. When I have thought the worst, it was never as bad as I imagined. No contact, picturing my son strung out on drugs lying under an overpass with nothing to eat.... then I see him post a picture of a huge slice of pizza on Facebook with 40 likes and realize he is out there surviving and having a good ol' time.</p><p></p><p>It might be different with your son but remember, he is 29 years old. He must hit that rock bottom and get to that point where he wants help. If he is sick and desperate enough he'll find a way.</p><p></p><p>Not helping or sending money goes against everything our poor momma's hearts tell us to do. But think about it. If you were out on the streets making poor choices, sick with an infection, no food or money wouldn't you finally get to the point and say "I can't do this anymore, I need help, I don't want to die, I want to live a healthy life?". Until our son's get to this stage - nothing we do is going to help them, it will just hurt them and prolong the misery.</p><p></p><p>My son is 23 and on drugs, out mooching off friends and running all over town jobless, no goals, been arrested 3 times, driving with a suspended drivers license and no insurance, in debt, etc. He's not losing sleep over anything - he is posting on Facebook daily and having a good time smoking pot, drinking, partying, going to clubs. He's learned to become a master manipulator and liar with friends so until they see thru his b.s. and kick him out, he's just hopping around town scamming everyone. NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!</p><p></p><p>These children of ours are grown adults. We can be there to love them, when they call crying and needing help, we can suggest places they can go but we can not give them money or rescue them. It's taken me a LONG time to realize this but being on this forum and reading books on addiction (and having already lost an older brother to alcohol addiction) the key here is we cannot let them kill us in their quest to self destruct. </p><p></p><p>The addict must want help and want to change their lifestyle, until then, your attempts to rescue and help will be futile. Do not spend YOUR money in attempts to rush out and find him and rescue him. Take care of yourself first.</p><p></p><p>If he calls - tell him you love him and tell him so seek help at a shelter or church.</p><p></p><p>The addict has no remorse for what they are putting us through and you will eventually get to a point where you are past the worry and just plain pissed off and angry. That's a good place to be because then you will start detaching.</p><p></p><p>Please give it some time before you rush out the door - he will be ok. Let him figure it out and pray that he stays safe. Please keep us posted and write on here as much as you need to. We are here for you and in the same exact situation. You are going to be ok!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeaGenieTx, post: 674709, member: 18773"] Dear Pam_54, I am so sorry. All of us know exactly how you feel and the gut wrenching pain and worry you are experiencing. As much as you want to run to his rescue, do exactly what New Leaf said.....stop, slow down, think it through before you make a mad dash out the door. I've been where you are at - in a state of panic wanting to find and rescue my son. When I have thought the worst, it was never as bad as I imagined. No contact, picturing my son strung out on drugs lying under an overpass with nothing to eat.... then I see him post a picture of a huge slice of pizza on Facebook with 40 likes and realize he is out there surviving and having a good ol' time. It might be different with your son but remember, he is 29 years old. He must hit that rock bottom and get to that point where he wants help. If he is sick and desperate enough he'll find a way. Not helping or sending money goes against everything our poor momma's hearts tell us to do. But think about it. If you were out on the streets making poor choices, sick with an infection, no food or money wouldn't you finally get to the point and say "I can't do this anymore, I need help, I don't want to die, I want to live a healthy life?". Until our son's get to this stage - nothing we do is going to help them, it will just hurt them and prolong the misery. My son is 23 and on drugs, out mooching off friends and running all over town jobless, no goals, been arrested 3 times, driving with a suspended drivers license and no insurance, in debt, etc. He's not losing sleep over anything - he is posting on Facebook daily and having a good time smoking pot, drinking, partying, going to clubs. He's learned to become a master manipulator and liar with friends so until they see thru his b.s. and kick him out, he's just hopping around town scamming everyone. NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE! These children of ours are grown adults. We can be there to love them, when they call crying and needing help, we can suggest places they can go but we can not give them money or rescue them. It's taken me a LONG time to realize this but being on this forum and reading books on addiction (and having already lost an older brother to alcohol addiction) the key here is we cannot let them kill us in their quest to self destruct. The addict must want help and want to change their lifestyle, until then, your attempts to rescue and help will be futile. Do not spend YOUR money in attempts to rush out and find him and rescue him. Take care of yourself first. If he calls - tell him you love him and tell him so seek help at a shelter or church. The addict has no remorse for what they are putting us through and you will eventually get to a point where you are past the worry and just plain pissed off and angry. That's a good place to be because then you will start detaching. Please give it some time before you rush out the door - he will be ok. Let him figure it out and pray that he stays safe. Please keep us posted and write on here as much as you need to. We are here for you and in the same exact situation. You are going to be ok! [/QUOTE]
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My 29 year old son is homeless and addicted, and 700 miles from me...
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