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My 31 year old brother won't move out
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 663799" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Nobodywins,</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for what you are going through with your brother.</p><p></p><p>While your brother may be 31 he is emotionally much younger. Your mom had enabled him for many years and now that she has had enough and has told him to move out he does not know how to process it. He has been allowed to get away with not being held accountable for too long.</p><p></p><p>It's good that he has a job, that in itself says a lot.</p><p></p><p>Ultimately it's your mother's decision as it's her house. You mentioned that he has firearms, that is of great concern. At the very least I would suggest to your mom that if brother is not going to move out that he has to get rid of firearms.</p><p></p><p>Is there anyway that your mom and brother could go for some family counseling? If your brother won't go then I highly suggest your mom get a therapist. A good therapist can help her to navigate through this and help her to set boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps you can share this site with your mom. It might be helpful for her to see that she is not alone in dealing with a difficult adult child.</p><p></p><p>Your brother is definitely suffering, however that does not excuse his behavior. There are many of us here that did not have ideal childhoods and some also suffer from various forms of mental illness but we all have managed to live productive lives.</p><p></p><p>There are no magic answers. We are just a bunch of parents trying to help each other navigate through the waters of having a Difficult Child (difficult child).</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found this site. There is a good article on detachment at the top of the Parent Emeritus page, read it, print out a copy for your mom.</p><p></p><p>Let us know how it's going. We care.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you.....................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 663799, member: 18516"] Welcome Nobodywins, I am so sorry for what you are going through with your brother. While your brother may be 31 he is emotionally much younger. Your mom had enabled him for many years and now that she has had enough and has told him to move out he does not know how to process it. He has been allowed to get away with not being held accountable for too long. It's good that he has a job, that in itself says a lot. Ultimately it's your mother's decision as it's her house. You mentioned that he has firearms, that is of great concern. At the very least I would suggest to your mom that if brother is not going to move out that he has to get rid of firearms. Is there anyway that your mom and brother could go for some family counseling? If your brother won't go then I highly suggest your mom get a therapist. A good therapist can help her to navigate through this and help her to set boundaries. Perhaps you can share this site with your mom. It might be helpful for her to see that she is not alone in dealing with a difficult adult child. Your brother is definitely suffering, however that does not excuse his behavior. There are many of us here that did not have ideal childhoods and some also suffer from various forms of mental illness but we all have managed to live productive lives. There are no magic answers. We are just a bunch of parents trying to help each other navigate through the waters of having a Difficult Child (difficult child). I'm glad you found this site. There is a good article on detachment at the top of the Parent Emeritus page, read it, print out a copy for your mom. Let us know how it's going. We care. ((HUGS)) to you..................... [/QUOTE]
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